06/02/2026
"I don't feel connected to my horse. I think [he/she] hates me."
I have been hearing this more and more lately.
You see the word "Connection" everywhere (I am a known over-user of the word 😅) alongside beautiful pictures of a person and their horse standing facing each other, heads gently tipped down, foreheads touching in the sunset and wonder what magic must have transpired in their relationship that you and your horse just can't seem to find.
Here's the thing: its not magic fairy dust or some guru mentality that leads to deep and powerful bonds. It is simply: do you know yourself (self-awareness), are you present (environmental awareness), and can I be my authentic self with you?
Horses don't "hate" us, they are asking you questions thay you aren't perhaps equipped to answer. They want to feel safe with you, and they desire to form a herd - they WANT to be in relationship with you, but they can't do that if it's not safe to do so.
We build safety through being fully present, grounded, and confident leaders. The environment needed for that to happen requires we show up aware, congruent, and curious.
If we accept what they are showing us instead of fighting it or shutting it down, then we can get curious about what they are noticing in us and in our environment.
What needs to shift? What reassurance do they need? What has their attention?
If you lack self awareness or environmental awareness or you shut down the horses attempt at communicating your lack of awareness you will create a relationship where the horse does not trust that you have their best interests at heart or frankly your own.
To shift this, first focus on yourself. Your thoughts, your body, your energy. Check in with your aching knee, ask your inner critic what's the deal? Get familiar with your internal landscape.
Then, reach out to your environment with all 5 senses - what do you hear, smell, feel, taste, etc. Then add your 6th sense (intuition) if you have access to it. What impressions are you getting?
Then have a conversation with your horse that creates congruence "I'm noticing.... about myself/our environment. Is that what you are noticing?"
Then wait for the answer- it will come quickly. An exhale, soft eye, dropped head, lick and chew, yawn, etc can all be signs they are moving from activation or brace to relaxation- meaning "ugh thank you! You are seeing it now too"
That will begin to build a bridge to trust.
If you want to go deeper on this topic, i invite you to explore our offering in partnership with Kim McClelland of Five Star Horsemanship offered August 21st - 23rd
Yes, the word connection is in the title 🤭😆
You can learn more and register here:
Equine Connected Partnership Clinic with Five Star Horsemanship and Spirit2Spirit https://share.google/uKIykdk6dZVLGawp3
We have payment plans available, please reach out with questions.
Photo below of me and Barney who now resides in spirit form doing the required connection pose...which he was not a fan of 🤣 though we we had a great relationship, he didn't see the point of this at all 😅 ah well, such is life on the internet!