08/25/2025
Expectations lead to disappointment
Expectations
This morning, as I sat with my thoughts, it struck me—our expectations play a huge role in how we experience the world.
If we expect everything to be calm, we’ll be frustrated and “spun up” the moment it’s not. If we expect everything to be peaceful, we’ll feel let down when reality doesn’t match that hope. Either way, when reality doesn’t meet our expectations, disappointment follows.
A few years back, I was going through a rough time with some of my older kids and asked my youngest, “How do I not get disappointed in the choices they’re making?” Without hesitation, he said, “Stop having expectations.” And he was totally right. I realized I’d been holding them to my idea of what they “should” do, and every time they didn’t, I felt hurt and let down.
At first, it was hard to imagine not having expectations—especially of my kids or the people close to me. But then I realized that “doing the right thing” was based on my perspective of what “right” even meant.
Just the other day, I was talking to my oldest—now three years older and a little wiser than he used to be. I told him about sending an email to someone I knew wouldn’t be happy with me. I asked, “Have you ever done something for yourself while expecting the worst reaction?” He said, “All the time.” When I asked what he did about it, he replied, “I expect the worst so I’m prepared for it—and then I’m not disappointed.”
Two different approaches, but both come back to the same idea: expectations. One way is to let go of them entirely so you can’t be disappointed. The other is to prepare yourself for the worst so you’re ready if it happens—and pleasantly surprised if it doesn’t.
Maybe my youngest is the wiser one—just skip the expectations altogether so there’s nothing to get spun up about. But whichever method you try, the point is the same: when you shift your expectations, you shift your experience. And when life throws you crazy (because it will), you’ll be ready to either roll with it… or laugh about it.
No expectations in the flow,
Susan Schultzent