02/05/2026
My time in Bali is coming to an end. The theme of my journey has been about finding my way home. I have come to realize it’s not a place I have been seeking, but a feeling of being home - home with who I am and my place in the universe. For most of my life I have felt adrift trying to find an external guide to find my connection. Much of my experience here has been deeply internal with a growing awareness that I’m not going to find home even in the best of external relationships or places.
I’ve come to realize that my expectations of external validation, has been a source of painful disappointment. Everything external has a life cycle of birth and death and when I identify with these things, I lose the connection with myself. This has been illustrated in the last couple months with the passing John just before I came to Bali.
Yesterday I was notified of the death of a third client while I have been gone. This landed particularly deep because he was the first client I had in my new orientation with myofascial release as an independent therapist about 30 years ago. He has been a constant with me as we explored a quality of life for him that kept him fully active and virtually pain free until the last month. His faith in me and willingness to show up year after year has touched me in ways I can’t describe.
The Sapience retreat I experienced this time was deeply uncomfortable with moments of beautiful presence, and yet the unease continued to force me into connection with myself over and over. The energy on this island with the 3 volcanoes and the density of life didn’t allow me to numb out, but continually invited me to connect.
As I prepare to return, I am feeling melancholy, which is a feeling of loss with no particular direction. I sense that part of me died here. I’m in the space between a death of my old self, and waiting to see what is birthed in me as I re-engage with my life back in the US.
I had many beautiful connections with people here as I shared myofascial release sessions and taught the principles. I let those moments flow naturally and, for the most part, allowed myself to connect in ways that didn’t involve me playing the role of therapist.
I write this with 2 more days left before I come back. I can feel the call to return and am so pleased that I took this time for myself.
Richard