01/22/2025
Shari Wonders
I was walking down the aisle of a grocery store when I heard a little girl say to her mother, “you know mom, if I don’t eat for three days, I will die.”
I wanted to walk over and let that little girl know that she was wrong. I want everyone who thinks this to know that is wrong. To be fair, maybe some people have died from not eating for a few days but from my experience at the bedside of people who are dying, it has helped me to understand that the body can go a very long time without food. The longest I have witnessed is 19 days. This woman was non-responsive, in a coma-like state, and from my perspective did not appear to be suffering physically.
I truly believe that the body does not need to have food and water at the end of life. I think food and water can often disrupt the dying process, causing physical discomfort and often suffering.
Most people equate food and water to love, especially when they have been providing this for many years. Family members and caregivers want to push food and water, hoping it will strengthen their person, and make them feel better. But I don’t think it does.
When we are aging, and dying, our throats tend to close and our ability to swallow is reduced, causing people to aspirate/choke, which increases their fear. Sometimes they can tell you verbally that they don’t want food, or they can let you know by shaking their head “no,” closing their mouth when they are being fed, pocketing it in their cheeks, or spitting it out. Listen to them, they are trying to tell you they do not want it. Our role is to honor and respect that.
When we are at the end of our life and dying, our bodies do not benefit from food and water the way a strong and healthy body does. It doesn’t need it, and it doesn’t want it. They will not die faster because they are not eating, and they will not die from starvation or dehydration. They are already dying from the diagnosis and disease process. Not forcing food and water at this time is actually incredibly kind and compassionate.
You are not hurting them, you are giving their body the peace and comfort it needs to go through the dying process however that will look for them uniquely, which can sometimes be many days. Trust that the body knows what to do, and sometimes it lets go quickly and other times longer, but you aren’t hurting them, please trust me on that.
What someone needs when they are dying is physical comfort, to be kept clean, and to be provided with dignity and respect. All human beings deserve this.
xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net
I have written nine books, each with the intention of providing tips and tools for anyone providing end-of-life care. You can find them all on my author page: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Gabrielle-Elise-Jimenez/author/B0CPFTDCKT?
You can find this blog on my website:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/food-and-water-at-the-end-of-life
