08/31/2025
This one hits me hard.
Because I can still hear the voices from my own childhood. The ones that said “You’re too much” or “You need to calm down” or “You’re being dramatic.”
And for a long time, I unknowingly passed those voices onto my son. Not because I didn’t love him. But because I hadn’t yet learned how to respond differently.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
When your child comes to you with big feelings, and you say, “It’s okay to feel this,” they start to internalize that it is okay to feel.
When they fail, and you say, “That was hard. I’m proud of how you tried,” they start telling themselves, “Trying matters.”
When you mess up, and you repair, you’re teaching them that they’re worthy of apology and respect... even from adults.
Our responses become their inner voice.
I remember when Malcolm says, “Even when I’m dealing with hard stuff and you’re not around, I can hear your voice in my head."
He didn’t say it after a big moment. He wasn’t crying or overwhelmed. We were just talking. Casually. But those words hit me like a freight train.
Because that is what sticks.
Not the lectures.
Not the consequences.
Not the perfectly worded “teachable moments.”
What sticks is the way we show up.
The tone we use.
The repair after we mess up.
The soft place they learn to land.
And knowing that?
It’s what keeps me showing up. Even when it’s hard.
Because every time I respond with connection, I’m helping him build a voice that’s kind, steady, and strong enough to carry him through the hard stuff. Even when I’m not there.
And that, to me, is everything.
