11/20/2025
"For 25 years, starting at age 14, I was a daily smoker. I typically smoked about half a pack, though that amount would increase toward a full pack when enjoying adult beverages.
I genuinely loved everything about smoking. It helped me manage my emotions, gave me a 'cool factor' when I was younger, and helped control my appetite, which allowed me to maintain my weight goals for most of my life.
However, the enjoyment eventually faded. The day came when I started feeling absolutely awful after an evening of smoking in a bar, when stepping outside to freeze for a cigarette became a chore, and when I realized I couldn't even run with my kids because my lungs were junk from the years of smoking. Yet, even after all that, I still sometimes miss picking up a cigarette—to calm down, relax, enjoy after dinner, or smoke by a fire on a summer evening.
To be honest, I'm not sure if I would have quit if my husband, Jason, hadn't quit too. In February 2021, Jason stopped joining me outside for a smoke after dinner. He never explicitly told me he was quitting, but after two days, I knew something was going on. He said he wanted to start feeling better and stop hacking up a lung every morning and spending thousands of dollars to kill himself.
I didn’t want to give up my ‘friend’ who’s been through ups and downs with me for 25 years; however, I knew that when Jason quit, I would quit too. I told him that after our family trip to Florida, I’d be ready.
We enjoyed the family trip. I was the only one who smoked, so I was always by myself, leaving everyone to smoke and not have it around my husband or others. It was more of a lonely feeling, so when we came back, I quit cold turkey on April 1, 2021.
I missed it during the first few days. It became more noticeable during our first fight, or when the kids were acting a little over the top. I missed it sometimes when we went out. I still miss it now and then, like when my grandma passed last month or on a rough day when I just want to relax with a smoke. However, I will admit I only took one puff of a cigarette in August 2025 when we were out with friends on a boat, had a stressful moment, and let it get the best of me. I don’t see that as a failure; I see it as a learning experience — a reminder of what I won't do next time I feel like ci******es are the only thing that will help me at that very moment.
If I could tell anyone who is debating quitting or who is a smoker now and open to my story is that smoking was more of a crutch than an outlet, I don’t have to worry about finding a smoking spot, I don’t have to worry about smelling like an ashtray, I don’t have to worry about my children seeing me with a “dirt stick” anymore as they would call it.
I don’t have to worry about coughing for 5 minutes every morning as I get out of bed. I can breathe much better. Running isn’t perfect, but it’s way easier than it’s ever been. The money we save each year, we decide to spend on a trip. We’ve been to Jamaica multiple times, Punta Cana, FL, with our three kids, and this year we’re looking forward to our Costa Rica trip.
The best advice is to put the money you save toward something that makes you happy, proud, and excited to stay smoke-free.
To anyone who has quit or plans to, best of luck in this new chapter, and please know you’re not alone!" - Vicky Gilson, DCMC Patient Financial Services.
