Balance & Serenity Horsemanship

11/23/2024

You have been lied to about confidence. Grossly mislead.

Lost your confidence? Not confident to ride anymore? You see, you used to be young (and dumb?). Jump on any horse and somehow, you're still alive.

"I can ride anything!" You used to feel. In that instance, your brain wondered what this state of invincibility was... and you looked to your left, to your right, and a horse-pro who does the same; meaning ride any horse, in any condition, in any state, in any way you want, feelings be damned, and they told you that this feeling was "Confidence".

They then used this concept of "Confidence", as the Boogie-Man against you. If the horse was nervous, it is because you're not confident. If the horse doesn't understand you, it is because you're not confident. If you feel anxious, it is because you're not confident.

Anything to hide the fact, that there were very real problems present under the surface. But it is easier to gaslight someone than to educate them, (or the horse).

Why then, later in life, when we become more cognisant of our safety, and our well-being, and hopefully the horses well-being too, do we then lose our confidence? A textbook definition of confidence is:
"the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something."

If your confidence is contingent on youth, ignorance of hazards, disregard for safety and well-being, and then your "Confidence" fly's the coop the minute those issues become important to you, your "Confidence" wasn't reliable in the first place. Meaning, your "Confidence" by definition was not confidence.

It was probably youthful hubris.

It takes absolutely no skill, no intelligence, to disregard your personal safety and get on hazardous horses. In fact, I used to be surrounded by such a horse culture. Folks who wore a badge of pride for their ability to survive sitting on the "craziest" or most dangerous, or behavioural horses on the farm... and live to tell the tale.

I remember one horse who was so grossly ill-matched and poorly prepared for her job, that to be mounted, three people had to hold her still while her rider took a running leap off a nearby hilly mound, and there were no brakes on this mare. It was baptism by fire, jigging and snorting and stamping and levading all day. This mare was in high distress. And her "riders" were only permitted to be "confident" riders, and would come back from those rides with a smug look of survivor arrogance on their face.

It was so, so, so gross to me.

These days I do not classify that as confidence. But Youthful Hubris, Pride, Arrogance, Carelessness, Irresponsibility.

You know what is the most confident thing you can do?

Say No to riding a horse who is clearly demonstrating that they are not safe, happy or comfortable for what you intend to do with them.

Hello? Am I getting through to us? Let me yell with capitol letters.

PEOPLE LITERALLY DIE RIDING POORLY PREPARED AND UNSAFE HORSES.

THEY DIE.

BEING WILLING TO FLIRT WITH DEATH WITH A HORSE IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH CONFIDENCE

And enough with the toxic gaslighting of people who demonstrate logical, clear, grounded awareness of their safety and then labelling them, grossly incorrect as;
"You're a Nervous Rider."

Well if being "Confident" by the definition of some people means we must disregard our safety, and the well-being of the horse, skip steps in training and Git On With-it, then I would rather be a Nervous Rider everyday of the week. Because I like my life. I love it actually. And I love horses. I love happy horses. I love over-faced horses only because I love horses, but I don't love that horses are over-faced and we call that "Ok." Or call an over-faced horse an "Advanced Ride". Bu****it. The world is upside down. FFS.

Here is what confidence is: it stays with you forever. Whatever you have, when all your arrogance, youthful hubris, fear conditioning, gaslighting, irresponsibility leaves you. That is what you are confident about.

And most of the people I know, are very confident. They are very confident, that they don't want their love of horses, and horse riding, to result in an early or painful death. Or egregious bodily harm.

That's confidence.

Also, having the confidence to say "No" to the toxic equestrian mislead culture as we know it, and to actually spend the time to educate a horse thoroughly, so they are prepared for the activities we lay out for them. To take the time to get to know horses before we ride them. To not ride horses unless we can make a pretty good check-on them, that they have the skills required to work under saddle safely.

Of course accidents happen. I could go outside and get hit by a meteorite. But that doesn't mean it is a good idea for me to go ride a comet. They are not the same probabilities. Not even close.

Speaking of confidence, remember that mare I described a few paragraphs of rant ago? The one who was an "Advanced Ride" only, who was hugely distressed in her work, grossly unprepared and very dangerous to handle?

I was once invited to ride her. They presented that to me like it was some sort of honour. Like they had decided I was skilled enough to go ride the comet, like I was now qualified enough to go risk my death.

Now I loved this horse. Because I love horses. I could see the potential in her, to be educated, to be safe, to be happy in her work. And I felt like I could do that with her in the right context.

I asked:
"What sort of ride is she scheduled for?"
"Well, you would guide a Day-Ride off of her. With a group of five clients behind you. You would ascend to 1600m above sea level, stop for lunch, and return via the National Park."
"Ok. And what is the level of the riders booked."
"Beginners. Walk only."..
"I would love to work with this mare. But not in that context. That sounds like su***de."

And for that I was labelled as not confident enough. I agreed with their assessment from their point of view. I am certainly not unscrupulous enough to do that.

11/22/2024

11/21/2024

Don’t you wish we could all be as naturally relaxed and confident as Phinneas the cat? When we are learning new things, put into slightly stressful situations, concentrating, or feeling anxious, it is common to hold our breath or breathe shallowly. Fortunately, this is something we have the power to change and adjust!

One of the nine elements (various details you can adjust to make the technique more effective) of TTouch is breathing!

Since it is so important, you might think breathing would be a given. Conscious breathing is such a vital part of self-regulation and balance that it can completely change the success of a session with an animal.

If you have ever attended a workshop with Robyn Hood, Linda’s sister, you may have noticed that she often audibly exhales. This may happen while she is working with an animal, especially one that is tense, or during a pause in a group discussion. You might find that hearing her audible exhale reminds you to breathe yourself! It often results in the horse or dog taking a breath, licking, or visibly relaxing as well.

An exhale tends to ground you, release tension, and naturally leads to inhaling. Focusing specifically on inhaling, especially when done high in the chest, is more likely to cause tension and can lead you back to holding your breath.

Today, there are so many great options available for breath work or modalities that teach specific breathing exercises, which is fantastic. For many people, simply reminding yourself to exhale during a pause can make a huge difference in how freely you can move your body, releasing tension and allowing you to give lighter, clearer signals to your animal, whether you’re doing bodywork, leading, or riding.

Try it the next time you work with an animal—or even with another person—and see what you discover!

11/18/2024

𝑩𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅
Everyone likes to talk about the harm caused when a horse is ridden behind the vertical... but have you ever wondered why?

One (of the many) problems with a BTV position is that encourages incorrect flexion in the neck. In a healthy horse, the head will flex up and down at the first cervical vertebrae. This bone is known as the atlas or C1.

In an effort to avoid excessive pressure caused by a harsh bit, rider or gadgets (especially draw reins) many horses will begin flexing at the 3rd vertebrae (C3). "Broken at the 3rd" creates incorrect movement throughout the body and will quickly lead to pain and damage. Once a horse begins moving in this manner, it is extremely hard for them to unlearn and they may continue this harmful posture even when at or above the vertical.

11/17/2024

"Careful, don't get greedy." Manolo Mendez Dressage used to say this to me when things went well. You know, those moments when the riding feels glorious. Your energy flows in harmony with the horse, bodies both aligned, time seeming to stand still. They're the moments we want to last forever. And we often TRY to make them, which of course is the problem.

When you've worked through an issue with a horse, whether it was physical or behavioral, it is tempting to ride the breakthrough on and on and on. It takes a lot of humility and tact to say: "Finally, this is good. I'll stop right here."

But when we get greedy and don't stop, we often ride past our horses' physical capacity and generous spirit. We spoil any progress we might have made. I'm still learning this balancing act, but thank you, Manolo, for planting the seed.❤❤❤

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11/16/2024

Absolutely 🙏🏻❤❤...!!
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Reading books daily brings many benefits, improving both intellectually and emotionally. Here are 10 reasons why you should read books every day:
1. Expand your knowledge: Reading exposes you to new information and deepens your understanding of various topics such as culture, history, science, art, and everyday life.
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8. Develop critical thinking: Many books, particularly those on science, philosophy, or politics, challenge you to think deeply and develop your critical reasoning abilities.
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Reading daily is a positive habit that benefits your mental health and fosters personal growth.

11/12/2024

Posture is very important. Reading into and discovering pain signals is important too

But I’m finding the current climate is so unsure, so tentative, backing off for every potential signal of discomfort either physical or emotional, that horses are actually worse off for it.

If you never put the horse straight, they will BECOME painful. If you back off EVERY time the horse has a question, often interpreted as resistance, the horse WILL break down.

Why? Because without some guidance, some straightening, some questions and answers, horses and people will never get anywhere.

Imagine going to a fitness coach. Imagine he backs off every single time you’re remotely uncomfortable, a little sore, a little unsure, not perfectly comfortable. Imagine you need this for PT to recover from an injury.

Not only will you never get fit, you’ll actually become more anxious and more lame. Why? Because you have no guidance through and forward. Your coach will be feeding into, and building anxiety and weakness.

This is what I see in the world at large now- a well meaning attempt to create comfort in horses is actually building more lameness, more body pain, more anxiety.

Of course we need to address and solve sources of pain and discomfort.

Get good fitting tack, learn to sit WELL, and learn to ride straight. I’m not saying don’t listen to the horse - but don’t become so tentative you’re no help.

A lot of people are capitalizing on people’s good intentions to create confusion, dependence, and mystique. This stuff isn’t new - it’s been around for ages. We’ve known how to straighten horses and keep them sound for a long, long time, but suddenly it’s like the Tower of Babel out there and nobody knows what to do.

Calm; forward, and straight. Soundness is actually quite simple. Get your seat right, your tack right, and then ride them forward and put them straight.

—obviously there are some horses with lameness or congenital issues that this will not apply to. But a qualified vet or other professional will be the best help, not every Facebook post or forum you can find

11/09/2024

I’ve left all purist positive reinforcement training groups, but that doesn’t stop purists from coming onto general groups and trying to shame people.

This morning, I saw that some purists were passively aggressively trying to shame the author of the post on boundaries that I shared yesterday, and I just want to say…

Don’t ever let someone shame you for setting boundaries.

Not in your personal life, and not in your horsemanship.

You are allowed to set boundaries.

Not only are they your right, but they’re necessary.

Your life, your physical well-being, your mental and emotional well-being, they matter. YOU matter.

Ignoring our boundaries so we don’t hurt other people’s feelings or a horse’s feelings is a trauma response.

It’s not good for us, for them, or for the relationship.

And you know what?

In healthy relationships, boundaries don’t cause hurt feelings.

Especially, it doesn’t hurt a horse’s feelings for us to set boundaries. That’s not the way they’re wired.

They navigate boundaries with one another every day, and it never negatively affects their relationships.

“Using positive reinforcement after using an aversive to set boundaries is NOT R+.”

Try telling that to herd members who can communicate boundaries and then go right back to grooming one another.

“Use positive reinforcement to teach boundaries instead.”

There’s a difference between reinforcing certain distances with positive reinforcement, and boundaries.

And horses know the difference.

There’s also an experiential difference between aversives and boundaries, and if you haven’t observed that, I encourage you to start observing emotion over labels.

If we get stuck looking through a behaviorism lens, we miss out on the opportunities to view things through the lenses of cognitive learning and social learning.

If we’re really listening to the horse, we’ll see what their emotional response to us setting boundaries is, and whether it helps or harms the relationship.

Once I started moving away from labels and absolutes and started listening to the horses and really observing how they felt about things, my relationship with them became a lot better.

11/03/2024

You can never lose if you’re willing to be wrong

If you can learn to watch your emotions and observe from the outside, you can gain a lot of insight

Sometimes we hold so tightly to our need to be right, to get ahead, to win, that opportunity slips away, and we alienate those who were in our corner -

Sometimes in trying to hold on, we lose what we had-
Sometimes the best approach is to open up, let go, readjust, scan the horizon, see the bigger picture

And take a breath

Photo by Laurie Lampe