Lighthouse Counseling LLC

12/13/2021

08/02/2021

07/31/2021

The Difference Between Helping And Enabling Is This.

Our natural instinct is to take care of and support those we love when they're down or have problems. However, when we take care of people struggling with addiction, help can have the reverse effect of what's intended.

People struggling with substance use disorder need enablers to help them stay sick. A person who enables helps prolong the addiction by taking responsibility for the actions of the person using. The enabler starts out with good intentions. They want to help, but eventually, 'help' becomes an act of desperation. The family dynamics become tangled in a ball of blame, accusations, justifications, rationalizations, and hurt. Enablers can be a friend, spouse, parent, grandparent, or adult child.

Examples Of Enabling Behavior

*Making excuses for the addicted person
*Accepting responsibility for abusive or unhealthy behavior
*Avoiding confrontation
*Bailing them out
*Paying their bills
*Loaning money (and never get paid back)
*Threatening to kick them out but never following through
*Putting addicted persons' needs above everyone else
*Ignoring unacceptable behavior
*Feeling resentful for being taken advantage of but refusing to set limits
*Putting your needs last
*Difficulties expressing your emotions
*Blaming others for the addicted persons' problems
*Continuing to help despite negative consequences*Giving one more chance … then another…and another…
*Walking on eggshells
*Denying the severity of the problem
*Drinking or using drugs with them
*Consigning their excuses about why they use
*Doing for them what they can and should be doing for themselves
*Repeatedly coming to the rescue.
*Believing they’re a victim and unable to help themselves.
*Trying to control them
*Ignoring your own physical, spiritual, and mental health needs.
*Neglecting other significant relationships

If you see yourself on this list, it's time to make some changes. You can help your addicted loved one without enabling their illness. Education is key to change. It’s important to understand that enabling promotes disease while helping promotes recovery. If you have to lie or keep secrets, you’re not helping; you're enabling. However, there is much you can do to improve the situation. But the first step isn't what you think.

Rather than focusing on what changes your addicted loved one needs to make. Start with you. When you have support, it will be easier to stop participating in their illness. A support group will teach you the difference between letting go and holding on. One is an act of love, the other, an act of poor boundaries.

Protecting an addicted loved one and keeping their secrets doesn't help them at all. It's just the opposite. Enabling the person you love is aiding in their demise. Addicted persons who are enabled don't experience the consequences of their actions, so they aren't likely to seek help.

The best way to help your loved one is to focus on you. Change what you can-YOU. Lead by example and do everything you hope your sick loved one will do (meetings, counseling, support groups) because the only thing more tragic than one person being controlled by addiction is two.

While you can't make your addicted loved one seek help, you can greatly influence the outcome. Statistics show addicted individuals whose families are educated and in recovery have the greatest chance at success.

Lorelie Rozzano

07/09/2021

Food for thought ❤️

07/06/2021

So much truth to this ❤️🙏

06/04/2021

Stop giving away your power 🙌

06/02/2021

I found this to explain codependency better than I have heard in a long time!!

June 2 ~ Nar-Anon Daily SESH Reading

AWAKENING – MY DISEASE

I did not realize that I was co-dependent. I took my boys to a concert, and I brought along a book on co-dependency. I bought a drink to relax and sat down in the corner to read. As I read, I began to realize that I had many co-dependent traits. I had been attending Nar-Anon meetings and I wondered why I was not getting better after the addict was out of my life. I thought I was working the steps, but I still had so much craziness, anxiety and insanity in my life. I reminded myself of a dog chasing its tail, going in mad crazy circles, chasing something I was never going to catch. All my focus was on that tail! When I did stop chasing it, I was too exhausted to do anything else. Mental and physical energy were things of the past. I did not know “what my tail was.” I felt as though someone was sitting on my chest all the time. I was so wound up. I found relief in drinking until I fell asleep, or taking a drug to put me to sleep.

The drinking and pills were becoming a habit. I was craving them daily. At first, I only drank at weddings. If there were no weddings, then I did not drink, period. Sometimes it would be years between drinks, but now I was doing it almost every night.

Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I needed someone or something to take care of. I had no clue how to live without being needed. I needed to be needed! I needed to take care of someone, not just me. I did not care about myself. I had no money and went without my insulin, and my health suffered. Now I see that this is classic co-dependent thinking. When I realized my insanity was caused by my need to care for others, it was as if the fog had lifted. The weight of the world was off my shoulders... It felt great! I feel great!

Thought for Today: Today I am thankful for my Higher Power. I am thankful for Nar-Anon and its Twelve Steps. With the help of my Nar-Anon program, I have learned that the only person I need to take care of is me.

Copyright © 2007 by Nar-Anon Family Group Headquarters

05/20/2021

You matter ❤️

05/15/2021

His mercies are new every morning 🙏❤️

04/28/2021

Recovery is possible 🙏 🙌 Choose life

10/22/2020

Choose your “hard” ❤️ life is hard but God is good!! So we keep on keepin on!! 🙌

10/13/2020

Take that first step! You’ve got this 💜

10/13/2020

Take that first step ❤️

07/28/2020

Choose life 💜❤️🧡💛💚💙

05/04/2020

Don’t give up before the miracle happens 💝

04/28/2020

This is how we all recover

04/04/2020

❤️❤️❤️