07/20/2023
As we approach the summer holidays, I’m speaking to lots of parents and young people about some of the challenges they may face.
One of the issues that is coming up regularly is how to balance the need for autonomy that is so important to individuals with PDA, versus the demand of how to self-entertain themselves.
An expanse of a six-week break may sound heavenly for children and young people who find the demands of their education so difficult, but with that break comes the new challenge of what to do with all that time!
I understand that feeling myself, as I cannot cope with being bored, but also just don’t know what to do with myself sometimes.
The first tip I advise is to make sure your children know what is happening each day. If you have appointments or plans, you can use a large family planner that is just “there” for your child to see. They can choose when they look at it and this will reduce the anxiety of unexpected demands such as the dentist, visitors or trips out.
In the gaps you could write “choosing time” or “my time” and include a range of suggestions which have been discussed with your child already.
One child I worked with created their own visual timetable and drew a picture of all the things they loved which they laminated and then looked at in the mornings and decided on what they wanted to do and when.
Remember that your child will probably just really need some down time. So, if they chose gaming, TV, alone time etc then it is really important to respect that.
Another thing, don’t compare your situation to other people’s – looking at other people’s social media where they are having a “wonderful” summer holiday may not be a true representation of what they are doing
Most importantly, collaborating with your child is really important so that they feel that they have say and autonomy in any plans. Allow them to change their mind if they want to and don’t put any pressure on them or yourself.
Go with the flow, relax and enjoy the break. The happier and more relaxed your child sees that you are, the happier and more relaxed they will be too.
Pic credit Missing The Mark from “The Educator’s Experience of Pathological Demand Avoidance.”
