03/06/2023
Discipline without Relationship
It’s been said, you can’t have discipline without relationship. Cynthia Tobias, author of the book, Every Child Can Succeed: Making the Most of Your Child’s Learning Style, wrote,
“The quality of the relationship you have with each child will determine the effectiveness of the techniques you use. If you have cultivated a loving and healthy relationship with each of your children, they will care very much for preserving it. Even the child with the strongest will responds more to love and genuine kindness”
Ms. Tobias is on to a known truth, that children need warmth and love not only when they are young and helpless, but as they age through adolescence. A close connection keeps a relationship from veering off course. Consider a boat at sea, while anchoring in open water, the anchor sinks to the sea floor. This allows a fisherman to cast his nets, take a lunch or go diving, while keeping the boat from drifting off. It’s the same for close family relationships. Families are able to spend time together or apart, because the relationship is an anchor that keeps them from drifting apart. During adolescence, teens tend to seek out closer relationships with peers and place distance between themselves and the family. During an approaching storm, the anchor is pulled up, the waves throw the boat around, just as the family unit may be tossed into chaos as parenting techniques no longer seem effective. Boats are made for the high waves, just as families can ride out the storm. Maintain your relationship, display love and kindness even when you don’t feel like it. Your teens are likely to maintain the rules/boundaries/high standards even if they don’t want too. If the struggles become overwhelming, reach out for help; “You Are Not Alone”.
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