09/11/2025
What's the big deal with school, anyway?
It turns out, there's actually a lot at stakes for your kids when they return to school, and there are many different areas that can pose challenges to your child.
As the beginning of school approaches, these potential issues loom large and can lead to a lot of anticipation and worry.
First of all, summer is a ridiculous time. There are no real responsibilities for many kids. Structure is abandoned and replaced with lazy days.The work-ethic and discipline that was so hard-won during the year gradually atrophies, until kids are left mentally slower and undisciplined.
The return to a structured world of rules, authority, social hierarchy, competition, and academic pressure can be a rude awakening for any child, especially for children who are already struggling.
A lot of kids like instant gratification, and they actually wish that instant gratification could be even faster. Then suddenly they need to sit through class, delay their fortnite fix for hours on end, and listen to a teacher that they're supposed to respect even if they don't.
Then you add to that the social anxiety involved in the jockeying for social position and hierarchy. Adolescents may be interested in dating and often have anxiety related to romantic and sexual concerns.
Not to mention academic pressure. Is your family academically driven? In our private practice, we see a lot of kids from families who value education very highly, and there is either implicit or explicit pressure to succeed in school that can sometimes get out of control. And even short of these extreme pressure situations, any child could feel a sense of competition when comparing him- or her-self to peers academically.
An important thing to consider, and a theme that we'll mention repeatedly, is that the external circumstances are not as important as the way that these external factors are experienced INTERNALLY. These issues are often internalized into poor self-esteem and maladaptive styles of relationships.
Going to school is like a kid's job. They have to do it, day in and day out, whether or not they want to. And some kids really struggle in school. Yet they still have to go.
Imagine going to your job every day, feeling like you suck at it, feeling inadequate all the time, and wishing you could just quit, but you couldn't.
That's how a lot of kids feel about school. And unfortunately, over time these feelings can get internalized into a negative self-concept, where kids come to see themselves as defective, impotent, or unlovable. And when that happens, then it's not just about school. Then there is actually an internal issue with social-emotional development.
We want you to look past the external circumstances and focus on the internal reality of your child. Start thinking about how some of these issues may be experienced by your child and how they might be affecting internal factors like sense of self, relationships, emotional regulation, and many other issues.
Find more information on our website: www.developmentalpsychiatry.com
