02/02/2022
Ten Nonverbal Messages and Attractiveness
Here are ten nonverbal messages that help communicate your attractiveness and ten that will probably do the opposite (Andersen, 2004; Riggio & Feldman, 2005). As you’ll see, these are specific examples of general encoding skills considered later in this chapter.
Do
But Don’t
Gesture to show liveliness and animation in ways that are appropriate to the situation and to the message.
Gesture for the sake of gesturing or gesture in ways that may prove offensive to members of other cultures.
Nod and lean forward to signal that you’re listening and are interested.
Go on automatic pilot, nodding without any coordination with what is being said or lean so forward that you intrude on the other’s space.
Smile and otherwise show your interest, attention, and positiveness facially.
Overdo it; inappropriate smiling is likely to be perceived negatively.
Make eye contact in moderation.
Stare, ogle, glare, or otherwise make the person feel that he or she is under scrutiny.
Touch in moderation when appropriate.
Touch excessively or too intimately. When in doubt, avoid touching.
Use vocal variation in rate, rhythm, pitch, and volume to communicate your enthusiasm and involvement in what you’re saying.
Fall into the pattern in which, for example, your voice goes up and down, up and down, up and down without any relationship to what you’re saying.
Use silence to listen at least the same amount of time as you speak. Show that you’re listening with appropriate facial reactions, posture, and back-channeling cues, for example.
Listen motionlessly or in ways that suggest you’re only listening half-heartedly.
Stand reasonably close to show connectedness.
Exceed the other person’s comfort zone.
Present a pleasant smell and be careful to camouflage the onions, garlic, or smoke that you may be so used to you don’t notice.
Overdo the cologne or perfume.
Dress appropriately to the situation.
Wear clothing that is uncomfortable or that calls attention to itself and hence away from your message.