04/08/2026
“It’s better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single.”
I first heard those words when I was 14, and they became my North Star. I promised myself I’d squeeze every drop of joy out of my single years, and I would never walk into a marriage I’d eventually want to escape.
My single years were epic! But then, a mutual friend dropped Aaron into my life. The potential was massive - but "until death do us part" is weighty. Whether you’re flying across the U.S. to see if someone is "the one" or just getting to know someone romantically you’ve known your entire life: Protect your heart with truth, not just hope.
So, I did the "awkward" thing.
On spring break, I flew to the Deep South with a literal list of questions. I wasn’t there to grill him like a suspect; I was there to see if our foundations matched and I was perfectly fine flying back home still single if the math wasn’t mathing.
Here’s the thing: I wasn’t looking for perfection; I was looking for alignment. In between learning how to peel crawfish at crawfish boils and sharing some good laughs, I asked him and his closest people some hard questions. And I invited them to do the same.
I was looking for: a man with Grit. Humility. Character. Honesty. Self-control. Confidence. Is he the same person behind closed doors as he is public? The thing no one talks about is that these characteristics cover a multitude of potential concerns down the road.
I can work through "concerns”. I can’t overcompensate for a lack of integrity. I refused to marry his potential - I was marrying the man he actually was on a random Tuesday afternoon.
Then, I watched. For months. I wasn’t "tracking" him to catch him in a lie; I was observing to see if his reality matched his rhetoric. Because trust isn’t just a feeling - it’s a record of consistent actions over time.
Over a decade later, I look back and thank that girl who had the guts to be "too much." I’m not paying the high price of a mistake today because I was willing to pay the price of honesty back then.
Unpopular opinion: If someone gets defensive when you ask about their past, their finances, or their temper - that’s not a boundary, it’s a boulder! A person with nothing to hide has nothing to fear from a potential spouse with a list of questions.
I want to know from you: Is anything truly "private" once you’re sharing a life, or is transparency the only way to stay married? I’ll meet you in the comments. 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽