Susie Cobb Therapy

Susie Cobb Therapy When faced with life's greatest challenges, you and your family deserve compassionate support from someone who understands.

Susie Cobb is an LMFT, Parent Coach and Perinatal Specialist.

Pregnancy after miscarriage or fetal loss is a deeply emotional journey, marked by a blend of hope, fear, and healing. F...
09/04/2024

Pregnancy after miscarriage or fetal loss is a deeply emotional journey, marked by a blend of hope, fear, and healing. For many, it is a time of profound inner conflict. Immense joy of expecting a new life can be shadowed by the lingering grief and anxiety from the previous loss. The experience is often characterized by heightened sensitivity to every aspect of the pregnancy. Each doctor’s appointment, ultrasound, and milestone is met with a mix of relief and apprehension.

For those who have experienced loss, the journey is not just about physical health but also emotional resilience. It involves navigating a complex web of feelings, and sometimes guilt, as they grapple with the idea of moving forward while still honoring the baby they lost. The psychological impact can be significant, with many experiencing a form of post-traumatic stress, manifesting as hypervigilance and an overwhelming fear of losing another pregnancy.

Support from loved ones, healthcare providers, and mental health services is crucial during this time. Education and open conversations about the reality of pregnancy after loss can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide a sense of community. It’s important to recognize that every person’s experience is unique, and their feelings are valid. By acknowledging the emotional complexity of this journey, we can better support those who are bravely walking the path of pregnancy after loss, offering them the compassion and understanding they deserve.

Any time a child’s routine changes, so do their parents. Unfortunately, this means that our relationships will be affect...
08/20/2024

Any time a child’s routine changes, so do their parents. Unfortunately, this means that our relationships will be affected too. How do we stay connected to our partners when there is less and less time available for intimacy?

Prioritizing our relationships in parenthood is crucial to our well-being and subsequently the well-being of our children. However, periods of unintentional abstinence do not have to mean doom for the relationship. Communication is key and can help in reducing feelings of anxiety or shame about your changing s*x life. Talk to your partner about your needs, your limitations and your desires. Be honest about your exhaustion, feelings of being touched out, or desire for closeness. Wherever you are in your parenting journey, be open to the possibility that your partner may be struggling with their own unique challenges. Offer emotional support and acceptance to your partner. Remember that emotional intimacy is the foundation of s*xual intimacy and that all stages of childhood depart as quickly as they arrive.

While our culture has only recently begun to name and identify the experience of Mom Rage, this is not a new phenomenon....
08/19/2024

While our culture has only recently begun to name and identify the experience of Mom Rage, this is not a new phenomenon. Since the 1950s, women have been prescribed medications to help them achieve a calmer attitude, mainly in the form of sedatives and benzodiazepines. As we gain equality, move away from behaviorism and toward greater understanding of mental health, Mom Rage has become a topic of interest for many researchers and specialists. It is common and nonetheless many moms are filled with shame when they exhibit these outbursts.

Lack of support systems and an increased pace of life can undoubtedly be made to blame for this experience. But, in order to truly help mothers, we must first destigmatize the reality of its presence. If you are struggling with Mom Rage, I see you and there is help. Step one is awareness and understanding of where the emotions come from, with safe people who can empathize with your experience. Don’t allow shame to suffocate you. Talk to people who got it, find a therapist who understands. There are tools that can help and you don’t have to do it alone.

When my son was 18 months old, I found myself dreading coming home from work. He had not yet learned to put together lan...
08/17/2024

When my son was 18 months old, I found myself dreading coming home from work. He had not yet learned to put together language and would become so easily frustrated when he could not execute a task. His screams were like nails clawing at my brain. The school was asking us to have him evaluated for speech delays. I doubted whether or not I was cut out to be a Mom and felt a deep sense of sadness that I couldn’t. “figure out” how to mother him.

As we worked with his language skills, and he improved his ability to ask for what he needed, our relationship changed once again. As it does in each phase. From newborn to infant, from infant to toddler, from toddler to older toddler, it goes on and on. We are faced with different challenges and at each one we are asked to change ourselves, to rise to the occasion and meet our children where they are at. This constant pulling on our minds to grow, to dig deeper, to maintain empathy and patience is skill that no human is inherently equipped to fulfill. Certainly some folks may come to the table with greater assets required to meet these requests. But undoubtedly, all of us struggle.

What I realized in this chapter was a deep understanding that it’s OK to not like every part of motherhood, every phase. That it doesn’t make someone a bad mom, and it doesn’t make them incapable of loving their children or creating healthy attachments. Motherhood is a constant dance between joy and grief. Joy for what is to come, and grief for what has been lost. It is OK for you to come into this process at whatever pace you need. This transformation is not an easy one and so I hope you can have patience and compassion for yourselfMama, the way you do for your children. You’re doing a good job. You are enough.

Sometimes the problem with self betterment is never feeling good enough. We live in a culture of wellness that is consta...
06/04/2024

Sometimes the problem with self betterment is never feeling good enough. We live in a culture of wellness that is constantly reminding us of ways we can improve. We are asked to do more and try harder with little emphasis on being present with our children or feeling that we are enough. What would happen if we told parents they are doing a good job, even when they struggle? What if there were less shame and more understanding of our own humanness?

If you yelled today, you are enough. If you forgot that favorite stuffed animal or snack, you are enough. If you chose screen time over imaginative play, you are enough. Your worth is not measured by one moment of your parenting, but by your consistent presence and innate worthiness. You are doing a good job, even on the hard days.

I both loathe and love bedtime. As my husband and I take turns each night laying in bed with our son, stroking his long ...
05/06/2024

I both loathe and love bedtime. As my husband and I take turns each night laying in bed with our son, stroking his long hair and soothing him to sleep. I have come to accept that this process will always feel like a gift and a burden. But as I move deeper into radical acceptance, I remember that one day I will pick him up for the last time and never hold him in my arms again. So I hold his body close to mine, for as long as I can. In this process, I can feel the expansion of my heart and my ability to feel gratitude.

Coregulation starts with self regulation and self regulation requires a deep understanding of your triggers, your streng...
05/04/2024

Coregulation starts with self regulation and self regulation requires a deep understanding of your triggers, your strengths and your limitations. When we approach our children with dysregulation (yelling, demanding and disappointment) we are teaching them that when they are mad, sad and all the feelings in between, the way through is by more dysregulation. When we approach them calmly, we are showing the how to regulate and inviting them to deescalate and process their own feelings. This is why supporting parents to process their emotions with other adults and fill up their cups is so deeply important. The work you do to care for yourself is not selfish, it is an act of love for yourself and everyone around you.

Many women do not seek help for postpartum psychosis for fear that they will be judged or have their babies taken away. ...
05/03/2024

Many women do not seek help for postpartum psychosis for fear that they will be judged or have their babies taken away. The results can often be suffering that is a revocable damaging to children and families. Don’t wait to seek care. The health of you and your baby are far too important. You are worthy of love.

A better world starts within the walls of our homes. Never before in history have families been so isolated or lacked so...
05/01/2024

A better world starts within the walls of our homes. Never before in history have families been so isolated or lacked so many resources to support the increasing demands on children and adults. So many parents are struggling right now to do it all, make ends meet and to employ parenting strategies that will support a generation of caring and secure adults. The work you do every day is so important. And despite your struggles, you are overcoming so many of the challenges of our times. Don’t discredit your good work. Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. In rupture there is opportunity for repair, closeness and growth.

This is why I do this work and why I believe so deeply in the power of parenting. Keep up the good work mom and dad. I see you and believe in you.

Do you feel like you’re always running around trying to get ahead? Do you feel exhausted and like you are never doing en...
04/29/2024

Do you feel like you’re always running around trying to get ahead? Do you feel exhausted and like you are never doing enough? You might be experiencing burn out and perfectionism resulting from the multitude of daily tasks that pile up and make life feel overwhelming. Motherhood comes with it a barrage of tiny daily tasks (in addition to the big ones) that can send us into a tailspin of constant preparation and planning. But how do you slow down when there is so much to do?

The infinite needs of our families are real and being told to “do less” or “slow down” can feel like gaslighting the motherhood experience. There are ways that we can manage our lives differently by improving nervous system regulation and decreasing perfectionistic thinking. Perfectionism in women can be extremely hard to let go of, especially if you had childhood trauma or were always expected to be high achieving.

Shifting your perspective into believing that your work is “good enough” may feel like the rug is being pulled out from under you or that your safety is being taken away. Deep breaths Mama, this work takes time and support from a caring support system and professionals who understand. The work will get done and you can enjoy your life and your children. A life that brings you joy, may not look like what you expected. And it can be better than what you ever thought was possible

In 2021, maternal mortality rates skyrocketed with 1205 women dying of maternal causes in 2021, a 40 percent increase fr...
04/24/2024

In 2021, maternal mortality rates skyrocketed with 1205 women dying of maternal causes in 2021, a 40 percent increase from 2020 and the highest rate the country has seen since the 1960s. The U.S. maternal-mortality rate for 2021 was 32.9 deaths per 100,000 live births — more than ten times the estimated rates of other high-income countries, including Australia, Austria, Israel, Japan, and Spain, which, NPR reports, hovered between two and three deaths per 100,000 in 2020.
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Racial disparities increase these death drastically, with Black women most affected due in part to racism and discrimination in the health-care system, which frequently doesn’t address underlying conditions in Black patients. In 2021, the rate for Black women was 69.9 deaths per 100,000 live births, which is 2.6 times higher than for white women and 2.4 times higher than for Hispanic women.
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Maternal deaths are not the only threat to women, birthing persons and babies in child birth. An estimated 1 in 3 women will experience obstetrical violence or birth trauma and go on to develop CB-PTSD. These can have greater implications for connection with baby, breastfeeding and long term mental health outcomes. There are ways to overcome these effects and decrease the frequency and duration of CB-PTSD. It starts with telling your story and regulating your nervous system.
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Women and birthing persons deserve better. You are powerful and you can heal.

Hug your babies close.
04/23/2024

Hug your babies close.

Earth Day has become a bittersweet holiday for many as we grieve the loss of species, ecosystems and human life resultin...
04/22/2024

Earth Day has become a bittersweet holiday for many as we grieve the loss of species, ecosystems and human life resulting from rampant global warming and pollution. The effects on our mental health, though rarely talked about, are significant and pose an even greater psychological detriment to our kids. How do we help them make sense of it, when we can’t even make sense of it ourselves?
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Step one is to understand and acknowledge how this tragedy affects us and our children. Eco depression and anxiety are real, documented experiences resulting from a general sense of doom about the fate of the planet we call home. We often erroneously believe that if we approach a topic, we will put an idea in a child’s mind. The truth is that our kids’ are constantly taking in information all around them. If they don’t know these facts about the earth now, they will certainly know in the near future. Having open conversations with kids about global warming and pollution helps them to feel a sense of understanding. It will also help them to feel a greater sense of trust in you as their caregiver thus strengthening their attachment bonds and future mental health outcomes.
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Fighting global warming, pollution and their effects is a battle we could easily win. This is a known fact. And yet we don’t, year after passing year due to corporate greed for profit margins. We are told the power is in our hands, that we should recycle more and buy green products. But without corporate change, our work is a drop in the bucket. The onus is not on you alone parents. And it’s not on our children either. Activism can feel impossible between sleep schedules, homework and drives to and from practice. But starting small is better than not starting at all. Include your children in the process. Plant a seedling in your own home. Watch a nature documentary. Cultivate your child’s wonder in the earth. You never know how they may inspire change in us all.

Whether through estrangement, death or traumatic events, parenting while parentless can feel like you are lost at sea, d...
04/22/2024

Whether through estrangement, death or traumatic events, parenting while parentless can feel like you are lost at sea, desperately trying to stay afloat amongst the choppy waters of your own childhood memories. The notion of cycle breaking can place enormous weight on your shoulders. You may falter at moments, kicking off a shame narrative that perpetuates a constant cycle of negative self talk.

If this sounds like you, you are not alone. So many of us are breaking away from what we learned and rebuilding in our own families. When we talk about cycle breaking, what is often left out of the conversation is the inordinate burden of emotional and mental labor required to unlearn what we were given. No one wants to say the painful truth out loud: many of us are alone and struggling. I want to release you from your shame Mom and Dad. What you are doing is no small feat. Your efforts to parent consciously and authentically will reach far beyond the walls of your home.

Each day you wake up, I want you to think of this mantra: I am safe and so is my child. I keep my self safe and I keep my child safe.

You are doing a great job and you are enough

The uncontested favorite motherhood quote of those that I’ve collected. I believe that motherhood is an invitation to do...
04/22/2024

The uncontested favorite motherhood quote of those that I’ve collected. I believe that motherhood is an invitation to do our own deeper work and that children can be our greatest teachers. What challenges you changes you mama.

You might be depressed. You also might be drowning under the weight of all that’s been placed upon your shoulders with n...
04/22/2024

You might be depressed. You also might be drowning under the weight of all that’s been placed upon your shoulders with nowhere to lighten your load. Every day, millions of mothers in the US take an antidepressant and while Psychiatric medication‘s can be hugely beneficial when needed, if nothing about their situation changes, then neither will their depression. We need better systems to support mothers. None of us can do this alone. But it does start with each of us individually, in our thinking, our support of one another and our ability to set boundaries with those around us.

From the feminist review:We are so far removed from the power that women once held in the simple fact that they gave lif...
04/22/2024

From the feminist review:
We are so far removed from the power that women once held in the simple fact that they gave life that we allow ourselves to be redefined and molded into perfect caricatures of the maternal—designer moms that do it all: bake cookies and pies from scratch, kiss boo-boos, keep our men happy, maintain our looks and bodies well into our mid-forties, and hold on to our careers. Or we do it all and make motherhood our careers. This kind of pressure—this kind of definition—doesn’t apply to men, but for us it is constantly evolving, the rules for perfection becoming even more stringent and confining, worse than it had been for our maternal descendants.

Thurer confesses that she wrote this book for modern moms struggling with the ideals of motherhood that have been imposed on them and complicate their understanding of motherhood,

Highly recommend this book for anyone seeking to better their understanding of self within motherhood.

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