STUFF MY MOM SAYS

12/02/2021

Update:

My mom just left our house after 9 days. She brought up the delusional story of the drunk homeless man who broke into her house after breaking into her gated community and stole a microchip from her convection oven. And she’s not able to buy another one because the microwaves don’t have the microchips in them anymore. When she tells people this we all have to act as if this story is the truth and not made up and that there’s nothing unusual about it. Maybe that’s not the best tactic? Maybe we should be straight with her and tell her that is ridiculous? While she was here, one day she thought she saw p*e p*e in the potty. My kids have not started potty training yet so there would no way there would be p*e p*e in there. But I entertained her delusion and said oh really wow let’s go look. We look and there is nothing in there. I pick it up and show her, “mom there’s nothing in here..” how would the babies undress themselves and take off there diaper themselves and go potty unsupervised..? This didn’t seem strange to her. Mostly she was confused as to why there wasn’t p*e p*e in there and continued to say, “I swear I saw some!”

03/05/2021

Old quote that never got recorded on here from March 5th, 2010.

“Why do people have to get ill? Why can't they just die? So much easier. To just die."--Mom

01/21/2021

This is a letter my mom sent me for the holidays. So sweet... don’t you love the holiday paper that these kind words are on? 😂

05/21/2020

This was sent to me after we were just talking about another thing she said that upset me, she said: “Sue at least has her two sons and their family for support. When Bill died I had no one to help me.” Which is bull s**t because I helped a lot, and more so when she was sick a year later which I told her about. She then retracted and said you’re right, you were there for me. But then after that sent this to me. It’s like she has to have the last word be about her being hurt. And oh feel bad for me.. meanwhile, I’m sitting here with stage 3 triple negative cancer and doing chemo and she says all these things to me. I’m trying to feel good, not bad! She’s very good at making me feel bad. Yep, wow you’re right! I named my son Felix George because I never loved my dad. Just spot on, mom. A+. I think I need to see a therapist bc of her.

04/01/2020

My mom thinks my son is paralyzed and that I’ve been hiding that from her, keeping it secret and that today is going to be the day that I tell the truth and that the “truth will set you free.”

10/17/2019

Mom to my Aunt: ya know I just can’t stand their names! I don’t even want to say them. I was talking to my friend and she said that I don’t have to, I can just say, hunny or sweety.
[regarding her grandchildren’s names]
[[my kids]].
They are 4 month old twins and as cute as can be. Their names are Violet and Felix.

Before I found that out, she was at my place pretending to forget their names. I didn’t know at the time that it was all an act.
......
While at my house
Me to my mom: which one do you think looks more like Eric?
Mom: [ takes a while to respond, an awkward amount of time, looks at them both, points at V and then looks at me and says she doesn’t know.
Me to mom: what’s his name?
Mom: ummm ummm humm drawing a blank.

06/25/2019

So what do you do when you’ve just given birth to twins, one naturally and the other a surgery to get out and the doctor punctures your intestines and you also have diastasis recti from pushing and you mom mocks you when you’re wincing in pain and says, “stop being dramatic, a 6 1/2 is not strong, (my pain level) you don’t need a perkiset , you’re turning into a different person, you’re evil.” This actually happened, and in front of the nurse too.

05/13/2019

“Jen, are you wearing a bra?”
“No...why?”
“Your b***s are hangin’”
“No they’re not...”
“Yes they are.”
“And this bothers you?”
“No...but you need to wear one.”
“Good, doesn’t bother me either that why I’m not wearing one!”

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

02/17/2019

Mom: why didn’t you tell me they were in town? Invite me over so I can meet up.

Me: didn’t know you wanted to drive to LA anymore...ok, tomorrow we are having a picnic in the park for Eric’s bday, a big group of people, friends and Eric’s parents. Come, meet here at 10 and we’ll drive you over together.

Mom: humm, I don’t think I’ll make it... I uhh have Spectum coming to change from direct tv.

Me: hey we are going to a comedy show at the Comedy Store Monday night, we’ll buy you a ticket.

Mom: yeah, what time does it start and end? I’m not so good a night..

Me: hey mom wanna meet us for dinner at 6 at a Korean restaurant? Big group of people and Eric’s parents.

Mom: well, if things don’t work out wanna meet here in thousand oaks instead? At the Brazilian place?

Me: it’s already confirmed for 13 people at 6...

Begs to hang out and then makes every excuse in the book to not have to leave the security of TO. Btw, she still drives and on the freeway too, just not anymore in our direction. For the past 2 years we’ve always had to come meet her in TO.

12/02/2018

“Hi Jen, just curious, did you or Eric ever use the Skechers Card I gave you a year ago for Christmas? I want it back.” Throughout the past year she’s asked for this card back, desperately it seems, I don’t know why she doesn’t just buy herself a pair of shoes. She’s even offered to give us a different card or cash replacement if we give it back. I haven’t used it and don’t like or understand the idea of giving gifts back to the person who gave it to you. I think my 2 1/2 year old niece would love a pair of light up shoes... 🤔

11/20/2018

I told my mom how I'm making personalized Christmas cards on my Etsy store of people's families. Her response was, "How much you want to bet that the people they send them to will just throw them out afterwards! But it's a wonderful idea...."

09/28/2018

08/31/2018

Email from my mom:
Subject: CNN Hazing of Boy
Just curious Jen, did Eric belong to a fraternity? So sad...