02/08/2024
Level: Wellness • Mind owner Shane is certified in Behavioral Couples Therapy (BCT). In BCT, communication skills are seen as crucial tools for repairing & strengthening relationships while refraining from discussions turning into debate & conflict. With Valentine's Day this month, here's a summary of some of these skills that couples (or anyone) can use now & year-round:
I-Statements: Clearly & calmly stating your feelings & needs without blaming or judging your partner. "I feel hurt when you..." instead of "You always..." and focus on the behavior: “When we argue, it makes me feel sad.”
Active listening: Fully focusing on your partner by making eye contact, nodding, & offering verbal cues like "right", "I see”, or “mmmhmm”.
Validation: Acknowledging & accepting your partner's feelings, even if you disagree with them: “I can see why you feel that way”.
Listening with understanding: Restating your partner's words in your own terms to show understanding.
Non-judgmental responses: Avoiding criticism, blame, or interrupting your partner. When communicating, the speaker should say one or two sentences, then pause so their partner can respond accurately.
Asking clarifying questions: Seeking further information & avoiding making assumptions: “You said you would like to just hang out and watch a movie tonight. Is that right?” Partner responds, then ask, “Is there more?”
Positive reinforcement: Praising your partner for using good communication skills or making positive efforts: “I liked it when you brought me coffee. It made me feel loved.”
Negotiation: Finding solutions that work for both partners through compromise and collaboration. Sit down for a planned discussion with no distractions.
Maintaining respect: Avoiding personal attacks, insults, or hurtful language even when disagreements arise. Refrain from making threats of divorce or separation.
Non-verbal communication: Maintaining eye contact, using appropriate body language (not crossed arms, slouched posture, etc.) & expressing warmth & affection.
Taking responsibility: Owning your part in conflicts & being willing to apologize for mistakes.
Timely communication: Addressing issues promptly instead of bottling up emotions or avoiding discussions. However, a timeout can be an effective skill & either partner can ask for one: “I’m starting to feel frustrated. Can we take a 10-minute timeout?”
Remember, these skills are just tips that all couples can benefit from, can also be used in friendships & other interactions, & are not a substitute for a licensed therapist who can help with challenging relationship issues.
*Practice these skills using light topics like the weather & have fun with it.