The Bort Balloon

07/15/2025

As the foremost authority on launching unplanned fetalnoids from 3000 feet, we offer our appreciation to United States Attorney General, Pamela Jo Bondi.

We couldn't get them all in utero, so here's to you Pam, helping to protect those who went after them once they could walk.

10/05/2024

Is this patent pending?

10/14/2023

Thanks to our dedicated staff, we here at Bort Balloon have strived for reducing our carbon footprint by utilizing the waste products from our ariel-bortion-procedures as natural fertilizer. As you can see by our results, we're taking big steps towards going Green, and it's going to be bountiful harvest this Autumn.

~ BB

12/24/2022

This 'bomb cyclone' wouldn't even be happening if we had only removed plastic bags & straws a few months earlier.

06/24/2022

We have received many messages today concerning the overturning of Roe V. Wade. The Bort Balloon operates in federal airspace and is regulated only by the FAA which currently has no abortion ban. The Bort Balloon will continue to operate over all US territory regardless of state laws about abortion. 'Bort with confidence on the Bort Balloon regardless of the politics of your local legislature. Mention the Clarence Thomas special for an extra 10% discount on your next abortion.

10/24/2021

06/05/2020

Happy Hot Air Balloon Day everyone!

04/26/2020

Studies show hydroxochloroquinne does not work, aborting your known children does work to stop covid 19. Mssg us to see how an "ULTRA EXTREME ABORTION" can work for you. It's balloon season so any thing goes. Please remember, children 5 and over only for this savings of a lifetime and they must wear masks and gloves during this critical time

03/11/2019

Or is it?? Stop in and see what The Bort Balloon can do for you! Maybe do a lil spring cleaning of your own

09/24/2018

Autumn = crimson colors. Mssg us and speak with a member of our friendly and knowledgeable staff!

09/22/2018

Dead men don't wear plaid.... Neither do dead baby's. Don't miss our end of season sales!!