12/31/2025
This year was marked by unmet expectations.
We live in an era of constant interaction. Not always the healthiest kind, but interaction nonetheless—and we invite a great deal of it into our lives.
With interaction comes information. Birth education is more accessible than ever. We research labor positions, medications, herbs, diets, fetal positioning, and breastfeeding. We write birth plans, exercise, eat well, and spend countless hours studying vitamins, gadgets, and techniques. Long before a baby arrives, expectations take shape. We watch videos, read birth stories, and create a mental picture of how we believe birth will unfold. Based on our histories, we form ideas of what should happen.
But what about the mother who prepares so diligently, only to find that nothing goes according to plan?
As a midwife, it’s easy to fall into this trap as well. This year there were a higher than usual number of births that I rushed to after barely making it to their last one. We labored, moved, breathed, and worked—patiently and beautifully—only to transfer.
Then come the what ifs, creeping in and questioning every moment of labor.
Unmet expectations can give rise to guilt, feelings of inadequacy, shame, and even depression. Others—well-meaning or not—may deepen that doubt. Over time, the pain, exhaustion, muscle fatigue, and concerns of labor fade, leaving behind a growing sense of disappointment. It is so easy to say you could have done a little more after you have had some sleep and rest.
Give yourself grace. Chase those thoughts away. Your success was all that you did to get to birth. All the work, and it was work, no matter how you birthed, that you put in. I highly encourage education, planning and preparing. It is a tool for you to use, not to rule over you. Create an atmosphere of contentment and peace and bring it into your birth and welcome it into your mothering.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made!