Marriage and Communication Coaching

02/26/2026

A Human Operating System for Communication and Relationship

I invite us to consider that lack of communication and relationship skills lies beneath a whole host of relationship and interpersonal connection failures.

Our schools lacked a Fourth R, Relationships and Communication.

We graduated without, and then graduated our children without, the abilities to get along with those we and they will marry, work for, and with.

All too often, our parents were ineffective, even toxic, models for successful relationship and communication skills.

Social media too often fail to provide good quality human models for communication.

Technology cannot resolve human communication and relationship skill deficits.

I invite us to seek out professional resources, a coach (i.e. me) who will guide us, and provide us all with an OS, a human operating system for connection and vital relationships.

Today is the day
Now is the time.

Connection is surprisingly easy when you know how. Connect with me and I will show you how

Reach out and touch someone.

Thanks for reading this.

I invite you to share freely, far, and wide.

02/26/2026

An Operating System for human relationship and successful connections.

invite us to consider that lack of communication and relationship skills lies beneath a whole host of relationship and interpersonal connection failures.

To begin with, our schools lacked a Fourth R, Relationships and Communication.

We graduated without, and then graduated our children without, the abilities to get along with those we and they will marry, work for, and with.

All too often, our parents were ineffective, even toxic, models for successful relationship and communication skills.

Social media too often failed l to provide good quality human models for communication.

Technology cannot resolve human communication and relationship skill deficits.

I invite us to seek out professional resources, a coach (i.e. me) who will guide us, and provide us all with an OS, a human operating system for connection and vital relationships.

Today is the day
Now is the time.

Connection is surprisingly easy when you know how. Connect with me and I will show you how

Reach out and touch someone.

Thanks for reading this.

I invite you to share freely, far, and wide.

Learn the skills, insights, and best practices for relationships that grow to last a lifetime.

02/25/2026

How do we say no by saying yes?

Someone comes to us with a "great idea" or a request.

They expect us to go along, to agree, and to comply.

BUT

We want to say no.
We know it is wrong for us.
We are afraid to lose our relationship and our connection.

We say yes when we want to say no.

This is a poor strategy for many reasons.

This is especially true for teenagers who want to be accepted, popular, belong, be in love.
Their bodies are encouraging them towards pregnancy-related behaviors.

When they do this or when we do this:

We are exchanging a piece of ourselves for the benefit of a potential connection.
Potentially causing long-term damage in similar situations in the future.
In our hope for more we are left with less of us.

· How do we say no by saying yes?

We get to say no without endangering our connection.

This is how you do it in any relationship from marriages, to teenagers, and friends:

“Yes. I hear you. This is interesting: Let's do something else.”

· Yes, establishes the connection.

· Yes, accepts the relationship.

Yes, lets them know they have been heard.
Yes, leaves you in charge of your life and your future.
Yes, lets you steer the relationship in an alternative direction.
Yes, lets you be safe.

There is no need to give up a piece of yourself for any reason longer than it takes to say yes.

02/23/2026

When there is a breakdown in communication.

Six steps to reopen your line of communication:

1) No matter what they say, begin by saying "Yes, I hear you."

2) This establishes our connection, opening up a line of communication.

3) They know we have been listening and that we've heard what they said.

4) Guide the conversation forward by adding "And."

5) Which allows you to choose, guide the conversation forward. Say something like, "Would you like to take a look at what we are talking about with me, perhaps consider other perspectives together?"

6) If unwilling to communicate about this either change the topic or leave the conversation for a later date.

Learn how to accomplish this with grace and ease in any relationship from home to work.

Today is the day.
Now is the time

DM me

02/18/2026

Use "Tends" when we communicate

I invite us to be aware that most of us tend to speak "Is-ily," and "Because-ily," as if anything we say, or believe is "the Truth."

I am writing decoratively, "Is-ily," right now.

As you read this, I invite you to take a moment and become aware that you are likely evaluating my statements for "Is it good-bad, right-wrong " or, "Do I agree or disagree?" I invite you to note that when this occurs, the quality of listening tends to be lessened.

Our listening now tends towards "Listening to reply," as contrasted with "Listening to listen."

Which is not truly listening at all.

Much the same phenomenon arises when we use words like "Always, Never, Every, and Only." Hearing those words, our listening tends to become distracted, attempting to assess the validity of our statement.

Is it "good-bad, right-wrong. Do I agree or disagree?"

This is where I invite us to use the words "Tends to."

"Tends to" tends to function as a kind of "mental bypass" to our mind's tendency to invoke our default "Truth app."

Using "Tends to" we are less liable to be distracted towards "Good-bad, right-wrong, agree-disagree."

"Tends to" tends to preserve and enhance the quality of our listening and tends to facilitate effective communication.

The bottom line is this:

Provided our intent is communication, I invite us to embrace a tendency to employ "Tends to."

The greater the listening, the greater the success of communication.

02/15/2026

The problem with
"I have to, I need to, I should, and I must." is the hidden "Or else."

When we can hear the "Or else" we understand that our lives are given by obligations and circumstances.

We are not free. We must "or else." We have no choice.

In that world of obligation, we react to circumstances and survive our lives. We experience an "or else" given existence.

In an "Or else" given life we become passengers in our own bus, watching the scenery as it goes by, and then one day we die. Game over.

Escaping and "Or else " life is surprisingly easy.

We escape lives given by obligations and circumstances as soon as we exchange an "O" for an "E."

In that moment, we go from a "I have to" life to a "I get to" life. We've become free. We enjoy lives given by possibility, choice, and opportunity.

"Or else-less," we are free to change our minds without consequences.

We've become drivers in our own lives and at the source of our Be-ing.

Being free we get to enjoy our living.
Life is a lot more fun that way.

Today is the day.
Now is the time.

Blessings on your journey.

Paul Zohav M.Ed.

02/14/2026

What is Marriage and Communication?

There is no sandwich without something between two slices of bread.

There can be no marriage without something in-between two individuals.

"And" is the cheese; "And" is the peanut butter.
Adding "And," a new and exciting future arises.
Marriage and Communication

Without "And" nothing would have happened, nothing would have changed.

In the moment of "And" two individuals connected and became a couple. Adding "Communication" they became a "Marriage."
In the moment "And" connected two individuals they became a family.

There is no sandwich without something in-between two slices of bread.
There is no marriage without something in-between two individuals.

Marriage and Communication.
Now is the time
Today is the day

Try it you'll like it

02/12/2026

02/12/2026

It is useful to consider that cheating is a symptom, not a cause.

Then the question becomes “a symptom of what?”

As a Marriage and Communication Coach there are six sources of cheating and infidelity:

Lack of effective communication and relationship skills.

Lack of self and mutual awareness of Love Languages. Frustration arising from attempting to love one another in ineffective love languages.

Lack of self and mutual awareness of personality types and the opportunities and challenges of differing personalities.

Behavioral legacies, coping strategies, developed in childhood and experiences and previous marriages.

All of the above will continue to run beneath the surface of marriages, distorting relationships,

Until those dysfunctional patterns are distinguished, overwritten, and replaced with a new set of life affirming “codes" the probability of infidelity and cheating will remain.

Learn the skills, insights, and best practices for relationships that grow to last a lifetime.

02/10/2026

This Valentine’s Day, skip the usual dinner and flowers, explore experiences that truly bring you closer. 💑✨ Here are 5 unique date ideas to break the routine and rekindle your spark:

1. Sunset Picnic at the Park 🌅 – Find a quiet spot, bring your favorite snacks, and enjoy uninterrupted time together.
2. Couples’ Cooking Class 🍳 – Learn a new recipe side by side and bond over the fun (and maybe a little mess!).
3. Scenic Hike 🥾 – Head to a local trail and have meaningful conversations surrounded by nature.
4. Visit a Local Art Exhibit or Museum 🎨 – Get inspired together and discover new things about each other.

It’s not just about what you do, it’s about creating space to connect.
Ready to reignite the spark?

02/09/2026

Know thyself. Our access to freedom and love

Prior to reaction and choice of action is our awareness of Self talk - what we make it mean.

Borrowing from Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) ABCD model

A: Antecedent event - something happens.
B: Self talk: What you make it mean, what you tell yourself.
C: Behavior choice - what you do, actions you take, words you speak
D: Influence on the relationship

Where you and I have the most impact on the outcome of our lives and relationships is at B - our Self talk and what we make it mean.

Essentially, we are obliged to distinguish for ourselves "What lies beneath our choices of action?"

Example of Poor negative outcome, negative, poor outcome

A: Antecedent event arriving home to find no dinner ready.
B: Self talk:
There is something wrong here!
Emotions: anger, upset, and outrage
C: Behavioral choice:
"Where's my dinner? When I come home after a long day's work I expect dinner!"
D: Influence on the relationship - Negative - less love, less connection, weakened relationship, poor model for raising children.

Example of Good positive outcome - (same antecedent event.)

A: Antecedent event arriving home to find no dinner ready.
B: Self talk:
This is unexpected. Curiosity and concern.
C: Behavioral choice - inquiry
Are you OK? Do you need something from me? I'll cook dinner tonight. Relax, I'll take the kids out for pizza. Take some time for yourself.
D: Influence on the relationship - Positive: love, supportive connection, caring atmosphere, good modeling for the children, and so forth

Viktor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning, illustrates good Self-talk and his choice of response to horrific circumstances to his experience of Auschwitz

Call now to connect with business.

02/04/2026

Seven steps to a thriving loving marriage

For an extraordinary and nourishing marriage you will need the following ingredients:

2 individuals
1 Bonding ritual
1 Communication skills
1 Relationship support skills

Step one:
Stir two individuals together until they begin to form an Us.

Step two:
Expand the new Us, folding in relationship-quality communication skills.

Step three:
Knead the Us, as it gains elasticity and resiliency.

Step four:
Fold in relationship-nourishing oils and aromatic spices.

Step five:
Become aware of and then speak one another's love languages.

Step six:
Develop a deep awareness of the challenges and opportunities of differing personalities.

Step seven:
Permit the Us to rise in a warm supportive space until the Us first doubles and continues to expand.

When all previous steps are skillfully accomplished, the Us has evolved into a loving marriage, equipped to thrive with mutual honor, and respect.

When difficulties arise:

Immediately seek out a marriage and communication professional who will guide you along your journey towards a successful Us.

Expect that this process may require a lifetime to complete.

Learn the skills, insights, and best practices for relationships that grow to last a lifetime.