07/25/2025
Another resource for my scapegoat daughter support group:)
Still in the beginning stages, but I always share in hopes to help someone else no matter what stage you are in your healing journey. We can do this together. I will be candid and say, therapists need therapy too. We have to stay teachable like everyone else. With this, I have been there myself. I have spent many hours crying through decades of my life within this particular dynamic, asking God "why," tried to mask my grief by putting up a strong front, and consistently tried to fit somewhere I was not accepted. And let me guess...you still went back after the abuse, after being knocked down again, right? You did that because you are a caring soul, and it likely was easier to see your own self as flawed versus being rejected by an entire "family" system. It is not natural, ya'll. As a child, one internalizes this and truly starts believing they are unlovable and unworthy. It is instinctive to yearn for that love and approval from the system one is born to. "Things looked okay from the outside for so long." Does that sound familiar, scapegoats?
Though I "kind of" subconsciously was aware as a child, I finally discovered it is completely unnatural or unorthodox to scapegoat a child or person within a family system. Why do I spend so much time posting on these topics? Not "just" because it is part of my job as a certified narcissistic abuse treatment clinician, but because, God called me to do so in order to try to help others struggling with it. It is strange, it is not natural, it is unfathomable, but it is real...and you know this if you have personally experienced it. Maybe you are 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60 and just now realizing it. That is okay. It is not something "new," but we just have more resources and knowledge now. And no, it is not a psychological "trend". It is psychological warfare in these dynamics.
God gave me a voice, and I am using it to help others. When those complex PTSD symptoms, anxiety symptoms, hypervigilance (triggers) arise, I know I have the divine protection of HIM, and I also remind myself where those feelings originated. You can learn to parent or "re-parent yourself. You can learn to give yourself grace. You can learn what it is like to accept love and be loved unconditionally by people who value you for you...no motives, no agendas, no "what's in it for me" type of love. Pureness.
This topic aside, we all are human, and we never escape life truly "trauma free". The first step to healing is talking about it in a safe space. It may feel "scary, intimidating, very emotional, etc.," but it is important to remember where those feelings come from...often from the "programming" from one's childhood if raised in such a manner. Lasting effects may include anxiety, depression, CPTSD, hypervigilance, physical health issues, autoimmune issues. Some even battle substance abuse. Everyone's "lasting effects" look different. In this dynamic, no one "wins". Yet, scapegoats often get the brunt of the stalking, intimidation, etc. depending on what level of narcissism one has dealt with from these dynamics.
If you are at a later stage in the healing journey, you finally realize though, that those fears which were instilled in childhood (psychological warfare), are truly irrational. The feelings are real and valid, but you finally begin to see just how weak one has to be to have to implement such tactics on another human being. It is egregious. I will validate, listen, not call you paranoid, crazy, etc., if you have experienced the stalking tactics, the toxic entourages they enlist (similar sadistic minded minions) to further taunt you. They are just as sick, and if you are of the Christian faith, I encourage you to pray for them. I promise, we all reap what we sow. Keep the faith.
To my knowledge, there are no real laws against the stalking/tactics, which is troubling. However, you can heal, grow, and learn...use your superpower to help and advocate for others fighting similar battles. You are not that helpless child any longer. You are strong, capable, and everything they said you would never be or do. You were chosen for this "role" on purpose and due to divine intervention (call me crazy if like), but that is what my faith has taught me. It didn't break me, and WILL NOT break me.
Later, in my nonprofessional "babble," I will be sharing a piece of my own decades long healing journey. I wholly appreciate my family and friends for being patient with me through it.
Raw, unfiltered...and ready to assist you in this particular walk. Why? Because I get it. Management is key like everything else. It will always "be there," but management is key. You just need the tools and support. Oh...and if you are an empath, which I am guessing you were/are in this role, it is very difficult...but certainly not impossible.
***This is simply one area of my practice. If what I post regarding "scapegoating" or narc family dynamics does not make sense, it does not have to make sense, as it likely does not apply to you.***
The most common variations of the child scapegoat role, and how they can cope and eventually break free.
