07/14/2020
What Happens When We Personalize Random Events
Dr. Daniel OShields
A friend was describing his morning walk recently and how irritated he had become after he spoke to a passing person who did not return the greeting. As he walked further along he began to fume over what he assumed to be a personal affront. Rather than look at what may be a myriad of reasons why a person may ignore him—for example thinking on a pressing problem, having hearing problems, etc., he became angry. When that happens let's consider the results of his fuming.
By the time he had walked no more than a few yards, he had decided the unspeaking person did not like him at all, even though he had no idea who this man was. Nor, as far as he knew, did the man know him at all.
He described his anger as growing closer to a rage. In fact he began to seethe to the point that he cut short his exercise, left and drove home, still burning inside and asking himself over and over why this particular person treated him in this manner.
So his morning exercise goes from a healthy walk into a burning rage that continued even after he arrived home. In fact he admitted it took several hours for his angst to dissipate.
By that time, has the anger gone?
Not hardly. Compare this situation with an automobile engine. My friend's anxiety went from a relaxing purr to slamming the gas pedal all the way to the floorboard. And for what purpose? Even if the person could not stand the sight of my friend and ignored him on purpose, so what?
Making a self-statement such as, “I guess he doesn't like me. That's too bad.” and trying to let it go is far healthier than allowing anger to build up to nearing a point of explosion.
When we hold onto anger our body organs are reacting in the same manner as if we are in the midst of a battle. Our digestive system, our heart, lungs, etc. are overworked and stressed to an unhealthy point.
And all of this comes because of one reason only: he said to himself, “That person has got no reason to treat me this way.” Instead if my friend has only said, “He didn't hear me,” or even “it's too bad he doesn't like me,” my friend could have saved himself much wear and tear on the only body he will ever possess.
