12/08/2024
Many parents who have strained relationships with their children, regardless of the children’s ages, struggle to identify their part in the relationship struggles. I’ve been guilty of it before, and it wasn’t until I was able to be brutally honest with myself, and focus on me, the momma, making positive changes instead of placing focus on my child needing to make changes, that things began to turn for the better.
As parents we are, at least initially, the  greatest influences in our children’s lives. Everything that we do influences them. I encourage you to explore these questions as they pertain to you and your children. And, to explore them with out placing judgment or trying to justify whatever your answer may be. We all have room to improve as parents - every single one of us does - and what if making some small changes daily leads to a significant improvement in your relationship with your child or children??
- What do mornings look like before school? Is it calm? Is it chaos? Is there yelling? Do you tell your child that you love them and hope they have a great day or are you just ready to get them out of the car and away from you for the hours that they at school?
- what do afternoons/after school look like for you? When you see your Child late afternoon or in the evening when you get home, do you engage with them? Do you ask them how their day was and what went well? If they appear to be frustrated or sad do you spend some time sitting with them to talk about it? Are you busy as soon as you get home, doing household things that need to be taken care of, cooking dinner, laundry, etc.
- what are evenings like? Dinner as a family? Talking about everyone’s day over dinner? Dinner for the kids while you work on something else?
- what does the rest of the evening until bedtime look like? Is everyone on their phone doing their own thing? Are your children trying to get your attention and you’re putting them off to finish something up? Are you on your phone or computer while your children are in the room watching tv or playing?
- if your children are getting in trouble at school, or frequently acting out at home, is the focus on what they’re doing wrong more than what they’re doing right?
- when your child works on or at something (like a school assignment or art project, or is playing a sport) what is the first reaction/response they get from you? Are you praising them for what they’ve done or telling them what was wrong with it?
- lastly, I want you to think back to when you were a child and dig deep and answer from a child’s perspective without any influence from your experience as a parent: what was it that you needed the most from your parents when you were a child??
Was that what you got? And if not, what did you get from them and how did that affect you?
Check back in next weekend for part two of this exercise.
Thanks,
Amanda
