Jay Reid Psychotherapy

30/06/2025

For the scapegoat child, the real danger wasn’t being devalued or attacked. It was what would happen if they didn’t go along with it — the threat of being psychologically cast out by their narcissistic parents.

That’s why beliefs like “I don’t deserve to have a voice” or “If I speak up, I’ll be wrong” were so necessary to surviving narcissistic abuse. And why they’re so hard to shake, even now.

Also, I focus on the third pillar of recovery: Defying the narcissistic parent’s rules in real time — in relationships that are safe enough to support it.

I walk through:
• How muting yourself once kept your world intact
• Why those beliefs in defectiveness and undeservedness become organizing principles
• What it actually takes to disconfirm them
• And how the nervous system must register relational safety before unmuting is possible

I also share a case example that illustrates exactly how this pillar unfolds in real life.

Resources mentioned in this video:

All-new book on how to treat adult scapegoat survivors in therapy!

Therapy with Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents: Use Control Mastery Theory to Know and Do What Works

Get it on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Therapy-Scapegoat-Survivors-Narcissistic-Parents/dp/B0FC2JYCYQ

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past. Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE to Learn More -- https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

📰 My Substack – Written Versions of These Videos + More
Get written summaries of my videos, join a community of fellow scapegoat survivors, and gain additional insights into recovery—all completely free.
🔗 https://scapegoatsurvivors.substack.com/

For the scapegoat child, the real danger wasn’t being devalued or attacked. It was what would happen if they didn’t go along with it — the threat of being ps...

16/06/2025

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you may have learned that speaking your mind was dangerous—that your voice had to stay quiet to preserve the relationship.

In this video, I explore how scapegoat survivors can recover their voice by building relationships with safe people—those who genuinely see, hear, and value who you are.

You’ll learn how:

• Narcissistic abuse silences your voice,
• Recovery depends on finding people who respond to you with recognition— not rejection,
• Therapy can help restore the faith that safe people exist,
• And why the second pillar of recovery—gaining distance from abusers and closeness to safe people—is essential to reclaiming your life.

I also share a powerful clinical example of how one survivor began to unmute in therapy and discovered it no longer led to rejection.

Resources mentioned in this video:

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past. Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE: https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

📰 My Substack – Written Versions of These Videos + More
Get written summaries of my videos, join a community of fellow scapegoat survivors, and gain additional insights into recovery—all completely free.

🔗 https://scapegoatsurvivors.substack.com/

https://youtu.be/kjSJIiNXhbA

09/06/2025

If you’ve ever felt unsure about who you can really trust, this video is for you. Scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse often learned early on that honestly evaluating others—especially a parent—could lead to abandonment, punishment, or deep emotional risk. As adults, this can leave them unsure of how to recognize safe people and prone to bonding before evaluating. In this week's video, I break down exactly why this happens and how therapy can help you reclaim your ability to assess others without fear. Watch now to learn how to use your evaluations to move toward the right people—and away from those who aren’t safe.

Resources mentioned in this video:

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past. Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE: https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit
📰 My Substack – Written Versions of These Videos + More
Get written summaries of my videos, join a community of fellow scapegoat survivors, and gain additional insights into recovery—all completely free.
🔗 https://scapegoatsurvivors.substack.com/

If you’ve ever felt unsure about who you can really trust, this video is for you. Scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse often learned early on that hones...

06/06/2025

Hi,

If you've ever found yourself biting your tongue—especially with someone close to you—you’re not alone. For many scapegoat survivors, speaking up about what we don’t like can feel almost dangerous.

In this video, I explain why scapegoat children learn to mute themselves, how this pattern continues into adulthood, and why even the idea of expressing discontent in a close relationship can trigger fear and self-doubt.

You’ll learn:

● Why “keeping the peace” became a survival strategy
● What makes unmuting so hard in the moment
● How to use the 3 Pillars of Recovery to begin reclaiming your voice
● A powerful story of one survivor who risked speaking up—and found a new kind of safety

If you’re tired of walking on eggshells and want to find your voice again, I think this video will really speak to you.

Warmly,
Jay

Resources mentioned in this video:

📘 Free eBook – “Surviving Narcissistic Abuse as the Scapegoat”
Learn why some children are unfairly blamed, how this affects your self-worth, and what recovery can look like. This guide offers clarity, compassion, and concrete steps forward.
🔗 https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/optin

🎓 Online Course – A Map to Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
In-depth training on how scapegoat survivors internalize the “wounded self,” how it gets split off, and how to reclaim your full sense of self through structured recovery steps.
🔗 https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/narcissis...

▶️ Free YouTube Video – “Journey of the Scapegoat Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse”
Understand the deeper psychological journey of the scapegoat child—how they’re forced to deny their gifts and how recovery involves reclaiming those lost parts of themselves.
🔗 • Journey of the scapegoat survivor of narci...

▶️ Free YouTube Video – “Gaining Distance from Narcissistic Abusers and Closeness to Safe People”
Explore how to identify emotionally safe people by how they respond when you share something vulnerable or difficult.
🔗 • What if Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissisti...

📰 My Substack – Written Versions of These Videos + More
Get written summaries of my videos, join a community of fellow scapegoat survivors, and gain additional insights into recovery—all completely free.
🔗 https://scapegoatsurvivors.substack.com/

Hi,If you've ever found yourself biting your tongue—especially with someone close to you—you’re not alone. For many scapegoat survivors, speaking up about wh...

09/05/2025

In my latest video, I explain why scapegoat survivors often feel unsafe expressing anger, even when it’s justified.

You’ll learn:
• Why anger felt dangerous in childhood
• The hidden ways survivors mute this emotion
• How the 3 Pillars of Recovery help you reclaim it safely
• A powerful case example that brings it all together

Prefer reading? I’ve also published a written version of this video on Substack:
👉 scapegoatsurvivors.substack.com

It’s free to join, and the comments section is open to connect with others on this path.

Resources mentioned in this video:

A basic primer on scapegoating dynamics in the narcissistic family
How a narcissistic family gets a child to become the scapegoat
https://youtu.be/I9dBdomJyQc

Free Webinar on how NOT trying to control your thoughts & feelings can help your recovery from narcissistic abuse:
The Key to Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/the-key-to-recovery-from-narcissistic-abuse-webinar2-8931

Check out Life Move #7 on How to Understand and Use Your anger in my online course:
Level II - The Empowerment Blueprint for Scapegoat Survivors
https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/empowerment-blueprint-for-adult-scapegoat-survivors

Check out my all-new substack! Get written summaries of this video and many others. Interact with other scapegoat survivors in the comments section.
https://scapegoatsurvivors.substack.com/

In my latest video, I explain why scapegoat survivors often feel unsafe expressing anger, even when it’s justified.You’ll learn: • Why anger felt dangero...

28/04/2025

If you were the scapegoat child of a narcissistic parent, you likely learned that your needs—especially your need to be loved unconditionally—were a liability. You may have survived by achieving, over functioning, and striving for approval you never truly received. In this video, I explain why this happens, what it costs, and how to unhook from the addictive cycle of conditional love.

You’ll learn:

• Why unconditional love felt dangerous to seek
• How achievement became your survival strategy
• The emotional toll of always trying to “earn” your worth
• How to unmute your right to love and support—without conditions

Watch until the end, where I’ll show you how the 3 Pillars of Recovery can help you make it safe to be who you are beyond your accomplishments.

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past. Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE -- https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

If you were the scapegoat child of a narcissistic parent, you likely learned that your needs—especially your need to be loved unconditionally—were a liabilit...

21/04/2025

How Scapegoat Survivors Can Unmute Their Need for Help

If you grew up as the scapegoat to a narcissistic parent, the idea of asking for help may feel terrifying—like you're doing something wrong just by having needs. In this video, I explain why that reaction makes perfect sense, and how it was conditioned into you by a parent who demanded everything while giving very little in return.

You'll learn how narcissistic parents distort reality to make their scapegoated child believe they're the selfish one—even as the child is over-functioning just to survive. This pattern creates a lasting fear and shame around receiving help, making adult life feel like a constant DIY project with no safe place to land.

But here's the truth: you deserve help. And you can reclaim that right.
I’ll walk you through how to start unmuting your needs—safely, in the right relationships—so you can begin to live with the volume turned up on who you really are. Don’t miss this one. It could change how you see yourself—and what you believe you deserve.

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Scapegoat Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past.

Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE to Learn More: https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

If you grew up as the scapegoat to a narcissistic parent, the idea of asking for help may feel terrifying—like you're doing something wrong just by having ne...

14/04/2025

How Scapegoat Survivors Can Unmute Their Right to Independence

This video describes how the scapegoat child confuses healthy separation from their parent with selfishness. This happens through two processes. First, the child adopts the belief that to pay less than 100% attention to other people means you do not think they are important at all. Second, the scapegoat child and survivor may identify with their parent by seeing others' healthy attempts to be independent to mean they do not care. In both cases the child mutes their need to be independent. They are either paying all attention to the parent or focused on how much or little others are paying attention to them. But they are never attending to what they want independently from how others react. I will show how the scapegoat survivor can resume pursuit of their own independence.

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Scapegoat Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past.

Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE to Learn More: https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

Today's video describes how the scapegoat child confuses healthy separation from their parent with selfishness. This happens through two processes. First, th...

09/04/2025

Dangers experienced by the scapegoat child.

Reclaim & Rise - Scapegoat Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past.

Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE to Learn More -- https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

07/04/2025

What if Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents Can’t Find Safe People Today?

In this video I discuss why it can be hard for scapegoat survivors to find and get close to safe people as they recover from narcissistic abuse. Survivors at this stage may be determined to catch and repel the kind of narcissistic abuse they used to have to accept. One way they may do this is to move away from others whenever they feel bad around them. This approach may interfere with learning that some of these others may be imperfect rather than dangerous. An imperfect but safe person might occasionally act in ways that lead you to feel bad. However, they may still care about your feelings, express genuine remorse if those feelings get hurt and earnestly try not to repeat such injuries. I will explain how the scapegoat child's template for closeness can lead to feeling bad in close relationships and create doubt that others will care that they feel this way. It is not possible to never feel bad in a close relationship. But, we can expect that the other person will care if and when our feelings get hurt. Watch until the end because I will show how to use this principle to distinguish imperfect yet safe people from dangerous people today.

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Scapegoat Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past.

Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE to Learn More: https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

In today's video I discuss why it can be hard for scapegoat survivors to find and get close to safe people as they recover from narcissistic abuse. Survivors...

31/03/2025

In this video I explain how the scapegoat child had to mute themselves to play their narcissistic parent's game. Adult scapegoat survivors can learn to distinguish that game from what was real. The first pillar of recovery shows you how to do this. Instead of focusing on playing by your narcissistic parent's rules you get to focus on what it cost you. Now you can focus on freeing yourself from the survival-based habit of muting. This shift in focus is essential to recovering the quality of life you deserve.

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Scapegoat Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past.

Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE to Learn More: https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

In today's video I explain how the scapegoat child had to mute themselves to play their narcissistic parent's game. Adult scapegoat survivors can learn to di...

24/03/2025

In this video, I discuss how a scapegoat child mutes themselves to meet their narcissistic parent's demand that they admire them. They do this by confusing themselves about their narcissistic parent's mistreatment. First, they question what they are seeing from the parent. Is their parent mistreating them or are they just 'too sensitive'? Second, they question what they think about what they are seeing. Are they upset by their parent's actions, or are they just resistant to necessary guidance? Confusing themselves in these two ways allows the child to remain admiring of the parent. Scapegoat survivors can regain clarity about what they really think and feel about the people around them. I'll show you how to connect with people who value your true feelings over your admiration.

Exclusive for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Parents

Reclaim & Rise - Scapegoat Survivor's Healing Toolkit

Take control of your healing journey and rise above the pain of the past.

Empower yourself with the tools and support needed to reclaim your life and thrive.

Click HERE to Learn More: https://lp.jreidtherapy.com/toolkit

In today's video, I discuss how a scapegoat child mutes themselves to meet their narcissistic parent's demand that they admire them. They do this by confusin...