11/23/2025
If you want your child to be successful in sports, here’s the hardest truth:
You have to back off.
You can support.
You can encourage.
You can provide opportunity.
But you can’t live their effort for them.
College coaches don’t just recruit talent.
They recruit maturity.
They recruit kids who speak for themselves, solve problems, ask questions, shake hands, and take responsibility.
If mom or dad does all the talking, complains about coaches, argues about playing time, or makes every decision…
then the athlete never learns to lead.
And college coaches see that immediately.
Your child needs a chance to fail, fix, grow, and earn.
That’s the only way sports actually work.
So if you want to help them get recruited, be great, or just love the game longer:
Drive them to practice.
Cheer when they play.
Be proud of the effort.
And let them do the rest.
Great athletes are built by parents who step back, not parents who step in.
Let your kid own their journey.
1. Pat Fitzgerald (Head Football Coach, Northwestern University)
> “An increasingly large part of the evaluation process for us is evaluating the parents … When we talk about our fit we evaluate parents too, and if parents don’t fit, we might punt on the player and not offer him a scholarship.”
— Key takeaway: Even for talented prospects, if the family environment raises red flags, the offer may be pulled.
2. Anne Walker (Head Women’s Golf Coach, Stanford University)
> “If she leaves and she hasn’t uttered a word and we haven’t connected at all, then I don’t know who she is … I’m not going to coach dad. I’m not going to coach mom. I’m going to spend four years with that kid.”
— Key takeaway: Coaches want to connect directly with the student-athlete; if the parent dominates, it signals something bigger.
3. Andy Fleming (Head Men’s Soccer Coach, Xavier University)
> “Often you can sense when a parent does this for them or when a parent is more excited than the kid.”
— Key takeaway: The coach notices who’s driving the communication—if it’s the parent, not the prospect, that’s a red flag.
4. Tom Izzo (Head Men’s Basketball Coach, Michigan State University)
> “Parents who believe their kids are entitled to start right away are a major red flag for college coaches — as are parents who openly complain to college coaches about their child’s high school teachers or coaches.” (paraphrased)
— Key takeaway: A parent’s attitude toward authority/coaches impacts how the coach views the prospect’s fit.
5. Dan Hurley (Head Men’s Basketball Coach, University of Connecticut)
> “There’s measurable talent you have to have … but we spend a lot of time really focusing on the parents. Are they going to be fans of their son or are they going to be parents? Are they going to hold them accountable … or is it always the coach’s fault?”
— Key takeaway: Even in elite programs, coaches evaluate the family culture and how parents respond to adversity.
6. Anonymous (Recruiting Counsel/Article Summary)
> “College coaches are not just evaluating players; they’re evaluating parents too. … If a parent is carrying the child’s bag and doing all the talking, that’s another big red flag.”
— Key takeaway: The subtle cues—parent behaviour at games/camps—may influence decisions more than many realize.
