01/08/2025
Why Only Remembering the Bad Stuff is a Sign Your Brain is Ready to Heal
Transformation Times Newsletter from 6/18/25
When the only stories you can tell about your childhood are the painful ones…
You try to talk about your past, and out comes another memory you wish wasn’t still with you. You’re in the middle of talking with your partner, or coworker and suddenly—like it’s happening all over again—you’re pulled into one of those unresolved "negative" moments from your childhood.
It’s exhausting. You wonder why your brain won’t just move on. Why the "negative" stuff keeps surfacing, why people seem uncomfortable when you talk, why even you feel uncomfortable with how often it happens.
And if you've noticed that it's hard to recall anything but the negative, you might assume it means something’s wrong with you.
But what if it actually means something is going right?
Your brain is stuck in the past—because that’s exactly what it, in its deep wisdom, knows still needs healing.
Here’s what most people don’t realize: The brain fixates on what hasn’t been resolved—not because the brain is broken, but because it’s doing exactly what it’s built to do. That deep, wise fixation is your brain’s attempt to finish what’s still open—because healing isn’t just possible, it’s already underway.
Let me show you why so many negative memories may be showing up for you now and why this means it's healing time.
Our brains and survival systems are designed to prioritize pain. This isn’t a flaw—it’s a survival strategy. It's the reason we're so good at surviving hard things. Pain signals potential danger, and so the brain flags it for immediate attention and keeps bringing it to the front of the line until it's resolved.
Positive memories? Those get processed and integrated quickly. They’re easy for the brain to digest. But negative memories—especially ones tied to threat, confusion, or emotional distress or overwhelm—get kicked out of the brain's healing process and go unresolved when the brain doesn’t have the right support to process the pain within these negative memories effectively. And here’s the challenge: the same system that’s excellent at spotting pain is also the one that reacts to block the brain from processing the memory.
That fixation? The one that makes you feel like you’re looping endlessly through the same old stories? That’s your brain trying again. And again. And again.
Not because you’re failing to move on—but because the brain never gives up on trying to finish what got left undone.
This is why we use specific interventions—to support the brain exactly where it struggles most: in processing pain. Rather than avoiding or minimizing what’s coming up, we help the brain do the work it was trying to do all along—only now, with the support that actually works to influence the survival system to let that memory process even though that memory is painful.
Why Brains Need Support to Heal Negative Memories
Our brains weren’t meant to process pain alone. From the beginning of life, we’re wired to develop the ability to process pain through co-regulation and connection. In early childhood, safety signaling from caregivers—consistent presence, gentle tone, warm engagement—built the foundation for our processing system to mature. That signaling helped wire the capacity to feel something painful and move through it. Without that support, our systems skipped a crucial part of development—and many of our brains adapted to survive without fully developing the capacity to resolve painful experiences.
This creates a reinforcing loop: the system built to protect us blocks the very processing needed to heal. But that function isn’t gone—it’s just underdeveloped.
And the good news is, it can still mature. Targeted interventions give our brain the safety signaling it missed, helping it finally develop that pain-processing capacity into something dependable. When that function becomes fully wired, it’s not something we have to work so hard to maintain—it becomes part of our subconscious programming, restoring a fundamental aspect of emotional maturity we were always meant to have.
How this shows up in your life (and why it’s more than just a memory issue)
When your brain is stuck looping through unresolved childhood experiences, it doesn’t just affect the stories you tell. It becomes the lens through which you see everything:
You might feel emotionally drained after conversations—even ones that seem casual to others—because your brain is still working hard to resolve old pain. You might feel disconnected from the good moments in your life right now. Like joy is possible, but not for you. And you may feel like your relationships are missing something. Like you’re always a step behind in connection, too busy managing what’s swirling in your own system to fully be present.
This isn’t a personality flaw. It’s your brain struggling to process the unfinished work that has been too difficult to complete on its own.
What if this negative memory loop isn’t a sign of failure...but a signal your brain is ready and wanting to complete a memory?
The brain is beautifully (and neurotically) persistent. It wants to integrate your life experiences so it can get a full and accurate understanding of what happened, how the world works, who you are and what more it can learn about your wants, needs and desires from these experiences. It needs an in depth understanding of these to stop reacting and start responding, adapting and helping you thrive. And if the negative memories are what your brain is bringing up, it’s because they’re still on its priority list for resolution.
When this healing mechanism is open and supported, your brain doesn’t just rehash the past—it transforms it. It rewires old beliefs, sheds defensive patterns, and gives you back the energy and clarity that’s been trapped in the effort to suppress, avoid or struggle to process the negative memory
But when the healing mechanism is closed—when the brain is pushing unresolved negative memories against a shut door—you’ll start to feel it everywhere. Those same painful childhood moments keep showing up, not just in thoughts but in your body: heaviness, brain fog, persistent tension, exhaustion. The more your brain tries to resolve the pain without success, the more these symptoms activate and accumulate.
What feels like negativity is actually your brain’s backlog—and it’s asking for your help to finally process what it couldn’t before. This isn’t just about healing your past. It’s about restoring your capacity for the present.
As the brain processes each unresolved experience, something incredible happens: You start feeling more present and available. You stop dreading time with yourself. You rediscover pieces of your childhood you hadn’t accessed in years—memories that include connection, support, even joy. These are the memories your brain had buried behind its tunnel vision that was locked on the unresolved pain it was focused on processing.
As resolution happens, those positive moments begin to resurface—not forced or fabricated, but naturally returned to you by a brain that’s no longer stuck in struggling to process negative memories.
And eventually, the negative memories stop showing up altogether or if they do the don't feel negative, but useful. Not because you forced yourself to focus on the positive, but because your brain has finally finished the job.
This Doesn’t Have to Be Overwhelming—It’s an Invitation to Heal
I don’t want you to feel intimidated by this process. This isn’t about resolving every painful moment from your past—because we don’t need to in order to create your health and wellness so you can thrive. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress. What matters most is supporting your brain with the tools it needs to resolve what it has identified as important—and practicing that support so your brain becomes more effective at it.
This is a fundamental skill of healthy adulthood: being able to process and resolve painful experiences rather than suppressing, avoiding, or becoming overwhelmed by them. It’s something many of us didn’t get to develop fully in childhood—but it’s something we can build now.
Practice is a vital part of this. It’s how we intentionally guide the brain to build new capacity and integrate a more mature, reliable way of processing pain. It’s not about force—it’s about repetition with specific support. That’s how the brain wires in new patterns and strengthens its ability to heal. Over time, this function becomes less conscious effort and more automatic response. That’s how pain-processing becomes part of your internal wiring and a sign of emotional maturity you can trust.
If you’re just starting out
If you’re noticing your brain stuck in these negative loops, it’s a signal that your system is actively trying to resolve something important. But painful childhood experiences can be layered and complex, and working with those memories directly—before you are ready and before your brain has the ability—can backfire and create setbacks and more challenges for you.
Instead, this is the time to get ready and get your brain ready. Focus on practicing your interventions consistently and learning how to help your brain shift out of survival mode and into processing and healing mode with less complex issues—like emotions, body sensations, and thoughts. Every time you do this, you’re not only helping your brain process and heal in the moment—you’re also training it. You’re building the very capacity that will eventually allow your brain to resolve those difficult memories safely and effectively.
You can let those memories be present without trying to process them just yet. You can also continue to move away from them or suppress them as you may have already intuitively been doing. Know that as your brain gets stronger at this work, you’ll be ready—and you’ll have the internal structure to move through those memories with more ease and success.
The length of this preparation state is different for everyone, because we are all different with different histories, abilities and complexities. Some will work in this preparation stage for 1 week and others for 2 to 3 months before directly working with even one of these memories. Both are okay, right and powerful.
If you haven’t joined my FREE program yet, Interventions for Inner World Transformation yet, you can sign up here: https://rachellemccloud.thrivecart.com/interventions-for-iwt-fb/
If you’re in my online program, Inner World Transformation…
All parts of IWT can help you process and resolve the negative childhood memories coming up—in your thoughts, conversations, or emotional reactions. Part 1 of Inner World Transformation is designed to get you processing, practicing and learning some basic skills and getting you ready to help your brain finally resolve those memories floating into your awareness and your present.
Then Part 2 is all about creating deep healing shifts in your life through processing impacting events, including painful childhood memories when you are showing signs of readiness. When you are ready, you can use the strategies to work through those memories using the strategies outlined. If not, you can continue practicing with current, less complex or less intense events to strengthen your processing ability.
Which ever events you choose to address, as you practice the exercises, strategies, and skills in this section, you’re actively creating healing results and building your capacity and skill.
And…
Each time you apply the strategies of part 2 for any kind of event, past or recent, you’re not just going through the motions of practicing event processing strategies—you’re helping your brain resolve something real, right now, while also building lasting capacity for deeper healing and processing ahead.
Both approaches serve the same purpose—equipping your brain with the capacity to resolve what it couldn’t before. Refer to the guidelines in Part 2 to help you decide which experiences are right for you to work with now. Notice what happens as you help your brain process an even in this way.
If you haven't enrolled in Inner World Transformation yet or wish to learn more, click here!: https://rachellemccloudlcsw.lpages.co/online-program-info-page-ver-22-fbsm/
If you’re an Inner World Transformation Graduate
By now, you’ve likely processed many childhood memories through this work. They don’t hijack you the way they used to. You’ve built a new way of relating to them—and in doing so, you’ve created more internal room, clarity, and peace.
Now, the memories surfacing may feel different—more subtle, more nuanced. They may not carry the same emotional charge or disturbance, but instead come with a quiet pull. A nudge. As if your brain is saying, “Hey, resolve this for me so I can help us get to that goal we’ve been aiming for.” These memories are no longer just symptoms—they’re signals of expansion, of what’s next. They’re guiding you toward continued growth, and deeper alignment with the life you’ve been working toward.
What happens if you lean into that pull with your skills and tools? What new doors open for you?
I encourage you to check out Transformation Tribe, where graduates of Inner World Transformation meet together with me to further expand their Inner World Transformation. Want to learn more about it? Access your Inner World Transformation course and scroll down to the very bottom where you'll find a newly added chapter that tells you how to get started with Transformation Tribe!
When Your Brain Won’t Drop the Story
Sometimes, even with all the right tools, the story just keeps resurfacing. You use your interventions, you follow the program... and it still feels like this memory won’t let go.
That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means your brain is still trying—and it might need a bit more help to get the door open.
This is where coaching can be incredibly helpful. I can often spot the exact point where the brain is stuck, help identify what kind of support it needs or capacity it needs to build to be able to get those memories processed, and guide you through a tailored process to shift things often quickly.
If you're wanting more support, learn more about the 1:1 or upcoming small group coaching programs designed to walk with you step-by-step through this healing process. The small groups are small, intimate, and focused. Whether in the 1:1 or small group sessions, I help you apply the strategies, stay consistent, and move through deeper layers of healing.
Learn more here: https://rachellemccloud.com/intensive-coaching
Want a 1:1 Strategy Consultation?
If you're not sure where to start or what your brain actually needs to create change, this session is for you.
This isn’t a casual chat. It’s a 60-minute working session where we look at how your brain, body, and subconscious are responding to a current stressor, and we explore exactly what kind of support your system needs. We assess how your brain processes, how your mind-body system communicates and the next capacities and skills that need to be built. From there, we create a personalized healing plan that’s grounded, actionable, and designed to move you forward.
Schedule your session here: https://rachellemccloud.com/personalized-consultation
What’s been your experience with negative childhood memories lately? Are they showing up more often—or showing up differently? Come share in the Facebook group, Releasing the Baggage of Anxiety, Depression and Traumatic Stress. You don’t have to resolve it alone—and sharing what you’re noticing might be a step towards greater insight or connection within your self or with other group members who can relate.
Click here to join my Facebook group!: https://www.facebook.com/groups/548222692339625
Want to explore this topic more? I go deeper into these concepts in my video, What it Means When You Only Have Negative Childhood Memories. Watch the full video here: https://youtu.be/Popc9e9M66M
What people are saying:
"I used to have a very love-hate relationship with myself. I loved myself, and then I hated myself. And the hate is gone now. I just continue to fall deeply in love with myself, even the parts that I would've been ashamed of before. I look at my past self and think, ‘Wow, she did that. She took the step. She made the investment in herself.’ And because of that, I get to be here now, feeling free, feeling whole, feeling like I actually love who I am." —Melinda
"Signing up for your self-study program was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself and my family. I was at an emotional crossroads, trying to show up as the mom my kids needed as they entered their teenage years. At the same time, it was stirring up stuff from my own past that needed to get resolved. I knew there were tangles I needed to work through so I didn’t miss anything—or pass anything down." —Allison
“I had tried meditation, prayer, and therapy before. They were helpful, but they didn’t reach the part of me that was stuck. This program reached that part. And I finally started to feel things change from the inside out. That was new.” —Miss Becky
You don’t have to keep circling the same stories. Every time you support your brain, you’re moving one step closer to resolution. Not by forcing yourself to forget—but by helping your brain complete the process it’s already trying to finish.
Your brain wants healing. You’re not stuck—you’re mid-process. And the next shift might be just one intervention away.
Rachelle
✨ Tip Jar
Some of you have asked how you can say thank you or support this work.
I’ve added a tip jar for those moments of appreciation.
There’s never any pressure—but if you feel moved, you can leave a note of thanks by clicking here: https://goddessrecovery.kit.com/products/rachelle-mc-cloud
Thank you for being here. It means more than you know.
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