23/01/2024
What my neighbors see 99% of the time. Me in my snuggies roaming around messing with sticks.
The other day I saw a fb friend in person for the first time and I’m pretty sure I was wearing this exact outfit (I have like 4 of the tops and countless furry lined sweatpants) for added awesomeness I was wearing my pink furry boots.
She was so sweet and kind and told me how positive and inspiring I am on Facebook.
I wasn’t feeling very positive or inspiring. I was hurting so much that I couldn’t even feel my broken toe or poison oak.
And honestly sometimes it’s hard.
I know that for great changes in my life I have to make great sacrifices.
I would never have been able to get out of the hole that my 10 year long bout with smoldering diverticulitis/scar tissue/ovary intestinal wall and subsequent bowel surgery put me in… if I hadn’t decided to pay whatever price is necessary.
Most day I know that it will all work out and that blessings come from unexpected people and places AND I know that essentially it is still all on me. I welcome blessings I do! But should no perceivabke blessing come to help me along on this journey of restoring the burn scar, getting in right relationship with the earth… I will be the blessing.
I will be my own miracle.
And some days I have no idea how in the f**k I’m gonna make s**t happen.
I feel like I am at the part of the story where I’m like, “ I was down to my last $100” and I threw it all into my dream, into my business, into my calling to heal people and planet.
And part of me knows the part that comes next. And part of me has no idea htf that is gonna happen.
But I KNOW IT WILL.
Because I will it so.
Anyway this is a long build up to the whole reason I am posting this morning.
So yesterday I woke up feeling blue, feeling sad, feeling scared.
There are many reasons that I don’t share here that make climbing out of the sickness hole even more challenging than what I’ve hinted at.. plus the reality of they way I am living my life in order to make these changes is challenging af…
Anyway yesterday it was getting to me a little. I recognized that I was off, I spoke it to Baefoot so he would know I was in a space and then I gave it some recognition and put on my let’s go face!
And do you know what happened!
By the end of the day I was gifted almost $4k in support!
I had three trees cut down that were very dangerous, some brush removed, I was given hundreds of dollars in essential oils and supplies for my herbal healing offerings, I was gifted a dehydrator that will also help me make diy herbal kits and preserve food to save money to buy a house and I was given food safe buckets for all the things as well.
Even more valuable to me I was given the love and support of 4 beautiful human beings.
I have also sold two custom healing hats and have been generously compensated!
I love making the hats with the healing intentions that people need. I love crocheting as it is incredibly healing for me.
With a gigantic to do list… the need to be always “getting s**t done” gives my anxiety all the permission it needs to pop off and crochet gives me something productive to do that soothes anxiety and knowing that I am making someone’s lives more beautiful and cozy makes me feel
Better. Always any kind of healing and service work I do helps me feel better too. Because I stop thinking about me and my to do list and I focus on you and what you need.
I am so grateful I am in a place where I can both give and receive in equal and joyous measure.
For a long time I was afraid of “owing” people.. trauma be like.
But now I am healed more, present more, truly giving more.
Ps this cool stick is gonna be my display stand for the healing goodies!
