20/04/2024
In fact, parents do not always know best.
They may have been your superhero(es), and of course, they are older, and theoretically wiser. And, they are people, too. People who did the best they could to keep you safe, to nurture you, to lead you to the best possible outcome, because, they wanted you to have a great life. Sure, they knew better or more, when you were a child. You’re an adult now, with your own mind, your own feelings, your own unique needs, and your own desires.
I do recognize that many did not have superheroes for parents. Many had hard and hurtful childhood experiences they didn’t deserve. To you, I see you and I’m sorry—that’s hard, and unfair. I however, did have superheroes for parents. They showed up, handled me with care and consideration, loved me through all stages of life—mine and theirs—loved me through their divorce, through sadness, heartache, and challenge. They celebrated my wins, and gave me confidence when I couldn’t find my own. Most of the time:
When I was 20-something, I told my mom I wanted to pursue psychology. She discouraged me from that path, fearing I was too young to be taken seriously. I know now, she had been hurt by a bad therapist, and that she comes from a generation and lineage which does not acknowledge, explore, nor admit emotional hardship. At the time, I was angry because I felt dismissed and unsupported, and, I listened; I didn’t pursue psychology. I worked for another ten years in restaurant and then retail operations, before leaving my corporate job, having an identity crisis, and pursuing professional counseling after all.
When I was 30-something, I told my dad I was leaving my six-figure corporate job for a career and a paycheck unknown. He told me I was making a huge mistake—that I was “crazy” for walking away from a company that supported me financially, and a team that I loved (and who loved me back). He could not understand leaving the security of a successful company, and a big, consistent paycheck. At the time, I felt hurt and misunderstood. I know now, that my dad never wanted for me, what he experienced as a poor kid, and a lonely kid. That for him, finding a six-figure job with a boss who valued him, in many ways, saved his life, brought him physical and emotional security, and allowed me and my sister to live a comfortable life.
I know now, my parents made choices and shared words intended to protect me. Intended to make sure that I lived in comfort, and to live a life free of the struggles they faced. Intended, to ensure I could live a life filled with wonder, joy, and celebration, rather than struggle, disappointment, and insecurity. I love them for that, I’m grateful for that, and…
I am my own person.
Despite my parents’ attempts to soften life’s hardships, and despite all of the good I am very fortunate and privileged to have, I have also faced challenge, hurt, disappointment, struggle, and my own insecurity. I have made mistakes and disappointed myself and others. I have taken chances that turned up a negative outcome.
I still consider my parents superheroes: My mom is unapologetically open with what she wants, what she thinks, and what matters to her. My dad, despite deep hurts throughout his life, is unapologetically his authentic self, loves deeply, and drives to be the best he can be.
My dad has said to me several times, “you’re a great listener, and you always do whatever the hell you want anyway.” This is true. Ultimately, I did what the hell I wanted. I left the “good” job with the good paycheck, for the love of myself. I reevaluated the meaning of success, and prioritized happiness over a nice house and dollar signs. I’m grateful and proud to say now, I have happiness and a nice house. My parents are proud and happy for me, too.
My wish for you, is the same; that you find clarity and comfort in who you are. Then, that you find the confidence and courage to pursue that, to pursue you, to choose you, for you.
❤✨
