Lammers Divorce Services

04/19/2026

Many people do not realize that those going through the divorce process are also going through the grief process at the same time. It does not matter who initiated the divorce, it does not matter what the reasons for the divorce are. Sometimes grief looks like anger, sometimes it looks like depression. Everyone is different, but everyone has feelings that need to be expressed. The grief people experience is the grief over what they thought their future would be. It does not have to be bad, but it certainly will be different. There are many things in life that we have no control over, but the way we would like our future to be is in our hands. It may take baby steps to get there, but small steps slowly can add up over the course of time. Make your life the way you would like it to be. Take the baby steps or giant steps as necessary, whatever feels right to you. . .

Grief has a weird way of sometimes showing up as anger.

The kind of anger that makes patience thin, emotions sharp, and words come out before we really think about them.

I see it all the time. And if I’m being honest…I’ve felt it myself.

When someone we love dies, nothing feels fair anymore. The world keeps moving, people keep talking, and inside we’re thinking, “How is everyone else just going along like nothing happened?”

That frustration needs somewhere to go, and sometimes it lands on the nearest target. Even someone like me who's just trying to help.

But I’ve come to understand those words rarely come from cruelty. They come from deep hurt, exhaustion, and a grief so heavy it doesn’t know where else to go. When pain runs that deep, anger often finds the words first.

Still…words matter.

Before we let the anger of our grief speak for us, it helps to pause and remember that we don’t know another person’s story. We don’t know why they do what they do, what they’ve lost, or how many nights they’ve sat with their own broken heart wondering how to keep going.

Grief already hurts enough. It doesn’t need extra wounds added along the way.

If you’re feeling angry since your loss, I want you to know that anger is part of it. A very human and necessary part. But at the end of the day, grief is hard enough without us turning on one another. And a little compassion can go a long way.

Just try not to let it convince you to aim at people who are standing in the same storm, just holding a different umbrella.

Because we're all in this together...and we're all just walking each other home.

-Gary

04/13/2026

Feelings come and go and that is a hard realization for many people to consider. I often tell my clients that just because you feel this way right now does not mean you will always feel this way. It can be challenging to sit with anger, frustration, disappointment, and sadness. Over time, a lot of growth can come out of these feelings, a lot of thought can come out of these feelings, and a lot of change can come out of these feelings. Think about the situations in your life that you would like to change and think about the steps that you will need to make that happen. Small steps in the right direction have a huge impact on moving forward. Give yourself some grace when you have big and challenging feelings. Let some time pass and take a pause. Then see if you feel the same intensity in your feelings and figure out what you would like to change. Then take some action so that you are not in the same position next month/year that you are in now. . .

Feelings are just visitors. They arrive, they stay for a while, and then they leave.

The problem begins when we cling to them — holding on to joy as if it will never fade, or gripping sadness as if it defines us forever. Both attachment and resistance create suffering.

Buddhism teaches us to see emotions like clouds in the sky — they pass, they change, and they are never permanent. What remains constant is the clear sky of awareness, the space within you that observes without judgment.

✨ Don’t cling. Don’t resist. Simply notice. Let each feeling arise, let it teach you, and let it go. Peace begins the moment you stop wrestling with your own mind.

04/02/2026

This can be such a difficult task to do but one that is SO true. The past has ended. We need to learn ways of coping with the past and accepting the past in order to move forward in a healthy way in our lives. Dwelling on the pain the happened, takes our energy away from living our lives to the fullest. Ignoring, denying, or pretending that our past never existed will not help. Only coping, learning new skills, and ultimately acceptance will bring the joy back into our lives that we all deserve. .

The past has no power — unless you give it one.

It is not happening now, yet the mind keeps replaying it.
That is where the pain lives.

Not in reality, but in memory.

This moment is untouched.
Free from everything that has already ended.

Let go of what is over.
Stop reliving what cannot return.

Because healing begins the moment you stop giving your past a place in your present. 🌿🕊

03/23/2026

People are not able to think constructively in an healthy way when they are in the midst of being triggered. Make decisions when you are calm, cool, and collected. It is never a good idea to make an important decision when under pressure-either by yourself or someone else. Take your time, think things through, and make sure the decision you are making is the best one for you. . .

02/26/2026

Many people getting divorced have never heard of collaborating during the divorce process. There are SO many advantages to divorcing in this way. Educate yourself about the divorce process options that are available and then make an informed decision. .

Going through a divorce is never simple - but the process you choose can make a difference.

Many families in Illinois are choosing Collaborative Divorce because it helps reduce conflict, protect children, and keep personal matters private - while allowing both spouses to stay in control of the decisions that shape their future.

👉 Learn more about how Collaborative Divorce works and whether it may be right for you: https://collaborativedivorceillinois.org/benefits-of-collaborative-divorce/

12/02/2025

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a great deal of experience. I practice discernment counseling, divorce mediation, and collaborative divorce coaching. Last year at this time, my practice went entirely virtual. This year in addition to virtual services, I have added two offices for couples who prefer to meet in person. My offices are located in Libertyville and Lake Zurich, IL. Feel free to contact me at my website-lammersdivorceservices.com, or call me 847-421-6827. .

08/24/2025

This is so true and something many do not realize will happen. Anger must be dealt with in a constructive way, or it will come out in a destructive way and possibly in an explosion after building up over time. Learn ways to express your feelings in a healthy way, learn to release them, and then move forward. Anger is part of every day life. Figure out what works for you and do it. Avoidance is not the answer. . .

08/13/2025

It is a gift to ourselves to let things go. The gift is being able to move forward without the baggage and energy it takes holding onto things. Letting things go does not mean forgetting. It means accepting what happened, knowing that you cannot change the past, and doing the most healthy thing for yourself. That means learning how to accept what happened. This can be the biggest challenge of all. Enter therapy, punch pillows, talk to a friend, journal, take a bath. Do whatever it takes to help you let it go and then truly let it go and move forward more freely.

🧡
*jo*

07/25/2025

So many people are averse to conflict. Unfortunately, conflict is part of life. We all must learn the skills to communicate effectively and constructively. When something bothers us in a relationship, learn to talk about it calmly. Open up to your loved one, and work on improving the relationship. Without being able to express yourself openly, the relationship will not be able to grow. Little things can mushroom into something bigger. Anger, frustration, and resentment grow and fester unless they are resolved in some way. Discussing issues with your significant other is the first step. Then learning from our mistakes and changing our behavior becomes critical. At some point, if the feelings are not expressed, they will come out in a way that is not constructive or healthy. Work on talking issues through as they come up. If you need help in learning these skills and/or learning how to communicate in a healthy way, reach out. It is always a strength to seek out help when it is needed. .

07/02/2025

Everyone is different and reacts in their own special way to events in their lives. Different does not have to be bad or wrong. There is no one way of coping with the challenging times that happen in all of our lives. Try to understand that others may behave in ways that you would not. It is their way of coping. Judgment can come both verbally and non-verbally. Be aware of what you are communicating to others. Try to truly be there for others and stop judging! .

Let's be there for one another 💜

Credit: Power of Positivity

06/13/2025

There are times when we all need to accept reality. Try as we might, we are not able to change what is. True wisdom comes from knowing when we have the power to change things and when we can accept that no matter what we do, we cannot change what is, what will be, or what has happened. . .

Life becomes lighter the moment we realize this simple truth: we are not in control of everything. Storms will come. People will leave. Plans will fall apart. And no matter how hard we try, we can't control everything around us. But we can control how we respond.

Suffering often begins when we resist reality—when we cling to what “should be” instead of accepting what is. We replay past mistakes, stress over uncontrollable outcomes, and exhaust ourselves trying to fix things that aren’t ours to fix.

But peace doesn’t come from control. It comes from clarity.
Clarity to know the difference between what we can change, and what we must accept.
Your mindset? You can control that.
Your actions? You can control that.
Other people’s choices, the past, the weather, fate? You can’t.

So instead of fighting reality, work with it. Adapt. Grow. Let go.
Stop pouring energy into battles that aren’t yours.
Choose peace over control.
Acceptance over resistance.
Growth over perfection.

When you do, you'll discover that life doesn’t need to be perfect to be beautiful—it just needs to be real. 💫

05/22/2025

No other person holds the key to your happiness. The person in charge of that is you. Remember that you are in charge of your own life. The only person you can change is you. If there are aspects of your life that you would like to be different, make the changes. Realize there are things you can change, things you cannot change, and things that you will need to accept. If you are in an unhappy relationship, make changes to the things you say and do. Seek out help to learn new skills and/or better ways of communicating. Think long and hard about if this is a relationship that is healthy and constructive for you. Do not expect the other person to change, unless s/he wants to change and is willing to do the work. Figure out what your goals and needs are and have the courage to move forward in whatever way is best for you. . .

true happiness comes from within rather than relying on external factors or people to create it for us. Here’s a deeper look at what it means:

1. **Self-Reliance in Happiness** – When you take responsibility for your happiness, you empower yourself. You recognize that your thoughts, choices, and actions shape your emotional well-being, rather than depending on others to fill that role.

2. **The Danger of External Expectations** – If you rely on others—whether a partner, friend, or society—to make you happy, you set yourself up for disappointment. People are imperfect, and circumstances change. No one can meet all your emotional needs 100% of the time.

3. **Inner Fulfillment vs. External Validation** – Seeking happiness from others often leads to a cycle of dependency. Instead of finding joy in self-growth, purpose, and gratitude, you might constantly chase approval, love, or material success, which can be fleeting and unsatisfying.

4. **Empowerment Through Self-Awareness** – When you accept that happiness is your responsibility, you start making choices that align with your well-being—engaging in activities that fulfill you, cultivating positive mindsets, and building resilience against life’s challenges.

5. **Healthier Relationships** – When you're responsible for your own happiness, you bring a sense of wholeness into relationships. Instead of burdening others with the expectation of making you happy, you share joy with them, leading to stronger, more fulfilling connections.

In essence, happiness is an inside job. Others can enhance your joy, but they should not be the source of it. True contentment comes from self-acceptance, growth, and the ability to find peace within yourself.