05/07/2025
The oldest person alive, Ethel Caterham, age 115 years old, born August 21, 1909, revealed the secret to her longevity. She attributes this achievement to her lack of STRESS. As in, she is able to reduce her stress level by "never arguing with anyone." She went on further to say, "I listen and do what I like." What lesson can we learn from Ethel about reducing our stress levels? Could arguing less play a key role in anxiety reduction? Why do we feel the need to argue with others anyway?
According to the American Psychological Association, arguing is an attempt to change another person's behavior when it is perceived that the other person's goals conflict with our own goals. Contemporarily, we see this play out quite often in the comment sections of social media platforms, such as Facebook, which can quickly devolve into slinging insults and name-calling. There may be several legitimate reasons people are drawn to engage in online arguments such as offering up differing perspectives and beliefs, seeking power and control, attempting to fulfill emotional needs, defending one's identity and values, clarifying misunderstandings and removing communication barriers, illuminating underlying psychological needs, and more.
Most pertinent to the issue of stress reduction and living an anxiety-free life is addressing the oft-appointed tendency to defend one's identity and values. We foolishly believe by way of argument, if we can convince the other that we are correct and they are indeed "wrong," we will then be able to affirm our identity and personal value judgment of "good" or inherent worth. And once we convince ourselves we are "good," we no longer have to be disturbed by the anxiety that afflicts us because we have now found "evidence" through arguing and winning the argument that we are indeed "good." Hence, a temporary, synthetic reduction in anxiety.
The catch with this logical fallacy flow-chart is that it is entirely unnecessary. In reality, as Ethel Caterham so eloquently suggests, we do not need to engage in argument with others, we can instead bypass the debate and accept a rational identity of worth by understanding Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA). Unconditional Self-Acceptance is the state of fully embracing and loving yourself, flaws and all, without any conditions or expectations. This means you are able to recognize your inherent worth as a human being, regardless of your achievements, failures, or the opinions of others.
Furthermore, everyone has a Personal Life Philosophy (PLP), by which all life experiences are filtered through. A PLP is a set of beliefs, values, and principles that guide an individual's behavior. The PLP encompasses everything from how a person views the world (perception), and their place in it, to what they believe is important in life (values), and what they may consider to be right or wrong (morals). The PLP is established as an attempt to achieve and maintain happiness by reducing life's stressors. The question is: Is your current personal life philosophy working for you? Is your PLP currently enabling you to live a meaningful life free from stress, so that you are free to live life as you please? Or is your current PLP only exacerbating your anxiety?
If you are interested in learning more about crafting or redefining your Personal Life Philosophy, VTx THERAPY is here to assist! Through evidence-based psychotherapeutic techniques, you can begin to feel less anxious, reduce your stress levels, and learn to thrive instead of continuing to allow your survival instincts to lead the way. Because the point of life is not to merely survive, but to thrive. And perhaps thriving is the lesson Ethel was trying to teach us all when she let us in on her little secret to longevity!
