04/27/2026
DARVO is not a defensive reaction. It is a calculated strategy that works by making you the problem, so they never have to take accountability or examine their own behavior.
In spiritual wellness spaces, it is deliberately used and shows up in three ways.
To evade responsibility. To manipulate perception. To maintain control.
When a leader, teacher, coach, or “healer” denies what happened, rewrites the story, or uses your own healing journey to invalidate, minimize, and redirect your concern back to you.
If minimizing your concern does not stop you from speaking out, they move to the next strategy. They reshape how the community sees you and recruit others to their narrative. They position themselves as the ones who were harmed, which is manipulative.
When you find yourself confused, seeking their approval, or afraid to speak up, that is not a sign that you need more healing. That is the intended outcome of this community.
Let me be clear, you are not the problem.
