Crystal St. John - Clearly Defined Health & Wellness Coaching

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Crystal St. John - Clearly Defined Health & Wellness Coaching

"I believe in being clear. Wellness entails a healthy well rounded lifestyle mentally, physically and spiritually. I'm here to support that with integrity"

08/09/2022

Love/Identity & Safety/Trustworthiness are the main components of attachment that we develop in childhood.

The primary and foundations of this starts with the parent to child bond and then transitions into social interactions we make on the playground.

Where those foundational relationships consistent? Stable? Loving? Caring? Present?

Ideally yes, which created a stable and confident attachment.

However more often at times, no, these initial bonds were not always that way and environments or situations are not consistent or stable.

Regardless this initial start into the identity of one’s own sense of lovability and ability to trust finds it’s way into our adulthood relationships.

Often if there was a distant or disconnected parent, one might see and attract to a spouse who is.

Or maybe become so highly independent and self reliant that it’s “safer” to stay that way & disconnect oneself than to open up and trust a partner to meet them safely and lovingly in a space of vulnerability.

The the good news is repair and secure relationships and trust can be developed by adults even with the most difficult and painful relationship origins.

There are pages & pages more to be said on this topic so today I just wanted to give a glimpse into how attachment and restoration therapy works & what lens I use as a therapist to help identify relational issues and work to repair and support healthy, safe and thriving connections that sustain in relationships.

05/26/2022

From a fellow mother, therapist and friend who is shocked, saddened, angry and numb by the recent events. I hope this may offer some support.

10/23/2019

Friendship takes time and heart. Intention and vulnerability.
I heard this recently and it struck me. When you think about friendship and finding your people, the truth is there's a lot to continue to learn and grow within each relationship, while also managing a connection amidst constant change.
Change is constant. You throw all the different elements of motherhood, lifestyle, work, family etc. and it's hard to balance the needs to effectively keep a relationship strong and connected.
A mother referenced one of her children who hugs his friends every day at preschool regardless of if they hug him back. That's vulnerable and committed.
"If you want to do life with other humans, sometimes you have to keep hugging people even if they don't hug back." (note within the form of a healthy relationship, not unhealthy)
Metaphorically, this is so necessary and true to being able to maintain a friendship amidst so much transition and constant change. This also takes time and heart, intention and vulnerability.
It's impossible to feel connected without vulnerability, because without it you can't be seen or see the other person. Balance that with the craziness of life and it can be what maintains a connection in a busy world and life.
Keep inviting her even if she doesn't show up. Forgive her before she says sorry, reach out to her even if you do it more often than she does, keep loving her and seeing the relationship through amidst the seasons in life.
This takes intention and vulnerability, time and heart. Yet it may surprise you how the friendship may or may not whether the storms of change.

10/09/2019

Whatever challenge it is you might be going through, keep going. You didn’t come this far to quit now.
Remember growth happens through challenges, risks and sometimes in pain.
Keep going.

10/03/2019

Friendship takes Time and Heart.
Time meaning giving intention, taking and making time to spend with one another and connect. Without this , how can a connection grow?
Heart being vulnerability and transparency. We all have defenses and masks we can hide behind for protection, however this can limit our ability to fully love others, know and be known by another.
Yes, it takes risk.
I heard one of the most beautiful statements about friendship recently, "If you want to do life with other humans, sometimes you need to hug them even if they don't hug you back (metaphorically). Give yourself permission to open your arms to another for the sole purpose of showing them you love them, even if it doesn't feel reciprocated. (this doesn't negate important boundaries and managing toxic relationships). Keep inviting her even if she rarely shows up, buy her her favorite tea for her birthday even if she forgot yours, forgive her before she says sorry, reach out more and free yourself from fair. Be like a child who hugs unashamedly and doesn't hide."
Embrace others and allow them to embrace you.

09/26/2019

What is exercise to you?
What is the motivation or driving factor?
These are key questions that often we don't take the time to consider when going in to our exercise routine, however it can be a huge factor in the direction our health and wellness takes.
The health and fitness industry is a multibillion dollar industry that is highly focused on delivering the message that in order to have happiness, success, be lovable and overall thrive in this culture, you need to "look" a certain way. However many of the "looks" that the advertising and media focus on are digitally altered, fit a specific body type and can be limiting and if not nearly impossible for a person to feel like they can attain.
That being said, focusing on a certain body type or "look" can completely limit and stifle the vast variety of differences that lie in a person's genetics, own abilities, body type and overall detract from the beauty of diversity.
Is that really "healthy, happiness and success?!"
The GOOD news is that this is NOT the only way to exercise and in fact, exercise can be enjoyed and support a healthy, whole and happy relationship with yourself, your body, your mind and spirit.
It’s all about the drive and finding ways to incorporate movement that works for you. Whether that’s taking a run outside, going to a dance class, lifting weights or playing outside with your dog.
It takes mindfulness to step away from the cultural pressures and look inward to your own self.
Some great questions to ask yourself are:
What does your body tell you?
What drives you?
In what ways can you effectively use and move your body that feels good for you, your health and well-being?
Take a minute and get intentional and just take a minute to answer these questions. We all are worthy of and deserve to thrive and to enjoy not only life but ourselves in it! This is possible and if you need any further support please feel free to reach out via the website on the profile.

09/21/2019

“I can’t do it right, I need a break, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m a terrible mom, everyone would know I don’t know what I’m doing if they actually watched me try and be a mother...” Hard to put into words but do you ever find yourself hearing these thoughts?
You aren’t alone.
These thoughts are what is known as “mom guilt” and it’s so real.
The fact that tiny little humans depend on us can feel so overwhelming and the pressure to try and do it “right” or “perfectly” can be debilitating and just downright impossible.
That’s right I said it...impossible.
What is worth acknowledging is that there is no ONE way to parent, and there are MANY ways to do good for your family and a lot of that starts with doing good for yourself...this includes getting off that hook and lie of perfectionism.
Start with being kind to yourself and acknowledging the good things. Motherhood is not one big thing it’s a million little things, giving a hug, playing with your kiddo, the fact that you got them fed and made it to the end of the day without throwing in the towel, or even just that you managed to come back to the situation after the breakdown and ugly cry in the bathroom. All counts towards the good and makes you real, makes you human makes you a good mama.
I mentioned earlier in this post that you are not alone and don’t have to do this journey on your own. There are many resources, please check them out on the “disclaimer/resources” button on my page or reach out to me via my website in my profile. Support is such a beautiful tool. 💕

09/06/2019

When you hear 4th Trimester what do you think of?

Many women (myself included) are not adequately prepared or aware of the 4th trimester, why? Because a lot of providers and resources emphasize focus on the 3 during pregnancy however there is some lack of information and normalizing the HUGE impact and importance of the fourth trimester.

Typically the 4th tri is considered to be the first 3 months post birth of a child's life. However, I consider it to be the first year and very much involves not only the development, growth, adaptations and changes in the baby but also the new parents (BOTH parents) as well.

So much change. So many hormones. So much adjustment and inner grit comes with the adjustment to parenthood and raising a little life. It's NORMAL to feel like you don't know what you're doing. To question "will I ever be the same", "Am I enough?" "Do I have what it takes" etc.

I want to normalize all of these questions and even the doubts and insecurities that can surface. A lot of joy and hope comes in this time and so does a lot of doubt, fear and vulnerability. Embrace it all.

If you are a new parent or even raising your third new little and find yourself in the 4th Tri needing support. Please don't hesitate to reach out. There are many resources including post part support international (PSI) https://www.postpartum.net and Post Partum Health Alliance https://postpartumhealthalliance.org.

I am also here to help and walk along side families and fellow mama's in this time. Please feel free to reach out via the link on my bio or DM.

*Note: I am more efficient through my website for contact.

08/23/2019

What is your relationship like with food and meals?
Do you ever struggle with it? Be it that struggle can fall on so many ends of the spectrum.
At the end of it however, our bodies need nourishment and when we don’t adequately or intentionally feed ourselves, what message is that telling us about ourselves and our needs?
This can be a very vulnerable topic and area to look at AND it takes vulnerability to be brave.
To get real with yourself, look at our behaviors and go even deeper to acknowledge and listen to what’s going on within us...yikes right?!
That’s ok.
The beauty of that bravery is that with these intentional steps, real meaningful change can start and this relationship with food and yourself can be healed!
Yes it is possible! I declare that constantly in and out of my therapy is office.
It is possible to have and live in freedom with yourself, your body and food. It takes work, vulnerability and courage....and you’re worth it.
You don’t need to go this alone. Seek out support of a professional if you need to and if you need support or resources please feel free to reach out to me via the website on my bio.

08/14/2019

Truth moment.
Can anyone else relate and open up to making excuses sometimes rather than truly saying how you feel about something?! 🙋🏽‍♀️
It’s hard to admit and look inwardly at ourselves however shining the light can be a step in propelling us to grow more deeply and in connection with our authentic selves. ♥️

08/07/2019

This weekend I had the blessing and pleasure of getting to be a part of “The Big Latch On”.
It was so moving getting to meet so many mothers and young families with their little ones.
It's so easy to feel lost, overwhelmed, consumed with all the changes, emotions, hormones, sleep deprivation. Wondering "will I ever be normal again?!" or "Can I handle this? I don't know what I'm doing!".
The truth is, these things are normal to feel. There is no one way or manual to know how to parent and transform gracefully into parenthood. It's completely out of one's control because there is so much unknown and truly, maybe it's not meant to be controlled or perfectly put together.
I know this full well. Not just as a therapist, as a fellow mother and human as well.
This drives my compassion and value for each of my clients.
My hope is to be a source of support and space to offer families the opportunity to no just survive the transition of parenthood and newborn life but to thrive in it.
To feel empowered to walk through the "unknowns, out of controls and imperfections" with support and assurance that you are capable and that you as an individual and parents have not lost yourselves in it. You're transforming through it.
If you are a mother or couple who might relate to some of these feelings and are looking for support, I owl love to walk alongside you. Please feel free to reach out via the website or email on my profile to connect and set up a complimentary 20 minute session to see if we might be a good fit.
I take most forms of insurance and offer my services in both the Temecula and Carlsbad areas.

Address

Vista, CA
92084

Telephone

+17609943329

Website

http://clearlydefinedfitn.wix.com/clearlydefined

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