11/17/2025
Supporting Autistic Children Through Grief & Trauma: What Families Should Know
Grief and trauma can be overwhelming experiences for any child — but for autistic children, the way these emotions show up may look different, quieter, or more confusing to the adults around them.
Trauma-informed care tells us this:
Children need safety, connection, and co-regulation before they can make sense of big feelings.
Here are some ways to support autistic children in moments of loss, change, or distress:
1. Lead With Co-Regulation
Before talking, explaining, or problem-solving, focus on helping your child feel safe.
This might look like:
• Sitting close and present
• Using a calm, predictable tone
• Offering sensory supports (deep pressure, movement, weighted items)
• Matching their pace rather than directing it. Your calm body helps them find theirs.
2. Use Clear, Concrete Language
Autistic children often benefit from direct, simple explanations.
Avoid metaphors like “went to sleep,” “gone away,” or “lost.”
Instead, use gentle, honest words and repeat as needed.
3. Support Their Communication Style
Grief can show up through behavior, play, questions, or silence.
None of it is “wrong.”
Follow their lead — whether they want to talk, draw, move, or just stay close.
4. Keep Routines Predictable
Trauma can shake a child’s sense of safety.
Visual schedules, consistent routines, and prepared transitions can help restore stability.
5. Connection Comes Before Coping Skills
Children heal in relationship with a regulated adult.
Before teaching coping strategies, make sure the child feels:
• Seen
• Safe
• Supported
• Not alone
Co-regulation is the foundation on which confidence and resilience are built.