08/19/2025
How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships (and How to Build a More Secure Connection)
Most of us want supportive, loving relationships, but the way we connect with others often has more to do with our attachment style than we realize. Attachment styles are patterns we develop early in life, usually shaped by the ways we were cared for as children. These patterns can influence how we handle closeness, trust, and conflict as adults. The good news is that attachment styles are not fixed. With awareness and the right support, it’s possible to shift toward a healthier and more secure way of relating.
A secure attachment is often considered the most balanced and stable style. People who are secure generally feel comfortable with both intimacy and independence. They tend to trust others, communicate openly, and resolve conflict without the fear that the relationship will end. Their sense of stability allows them to approach challenges with confidence, believing that reconnection and resolution are possible even after disagreements.
Anxious attachment, on the other hand, is marked by a strong desire for closeness paired with a fear of abandonment. Those with this style may find themselves overthinking small interactions or feeling unsettled if a partner doesn’t respond quickly enough. This need for reassurance often comes from deep care and emotional investment, but it can create stress in relationships when worries take over.
Avoidant attachment looks very different. For people with this style, intimacy can feel overwhelming or even unsafe. As a result, they may distance themselves emotionally, pull away when things get too close, or rely heavily on self sufficiency. While avoidant individuals often value relationships, their instinct to protect themselves can make it difficult for their partners to feel fully seen or connected.
Disorganized attachment is the most complex, often developing out of early trauma. This style combines both anxious and avoidant tendencies, creating an inner conflict. Someone may deeply want closeness but also fear it, leading to a push-pull dynamic of moving toward intimacy and then withdrawing suddenly. Relationships can feel intense and unpredictable, and it can be confusing for both the person experiencing it and their partner.
The encouraging truth is that no matter which attachment style you identify with, growth is always possible. Moving toward a more secure attachment often begins with self awareness. Paying attention to moments when you feel rejected, overwhelmed, or abandoned helps you recognize patterns that may be holding you back. From there, developing tools to manage strong emotions, such as mindfulness, grounding exercises, or deep breathing, can make those situations feel less consuming. It also helps to challenge old beliefs. Many people carry messages from childhood that love equals pain or that vulnerability is dangerous, but those beliefs do not have to define your relationships today.
Learning to communicate your needs clearly is another powerful step toward building secure connections. Expressing how you feel rather than keeping it inside fosters understanding and closeness. Trust, too, is something that can be built gradually. Showing up consistently, being honest, and allowing yourself to be emotionally available helps create the safety that strong relationships thrive on. For many people, therapy offers invaluable support in this process. In a safe and compassionate space, you can begin to unpack old wounds, practice new ways of relating, and strengthen your ability to connect securely.
At Brightside Behavioral Health, our therapists work closely with individuals and couples to explore how attachment styles may be influencing their relationships. We understand how frustrating it can feel to repeat the same patterns or to get caught in cycles of conflict and disconnection. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety in your relationship, feeling yourself pull away when things get too close, or trying to rebuild trust, we are here to help. Our goal is to support you in creating healthier, more fulfilling connections.
We offer in-person therapy at our offices in Johnston, Cranston, and Warwick, Rhode Island, as well as telehealth services across Rhode Island and Massachusetts. If you’re curious about your own attachment style and would like to explore it further, you can take a free attachment style quiz linked in the comments below.
If you’re ready to start working toward stronger and more secure relationships, Brightside Behavioral Health is here to support you every step of the way.
