Dr. Benjamin A. Dukes, LICSW, RDT, RYT

10/02/2024

"Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is to embrace the part of you that the world tries to silence." -Unknown

08/04/2024

"Sometimes when I do something nice for myself, I can f͎e͎e͎l͎ my inner child say, "𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝑴𝒆?!" ❤️

This statement is soooooo true and so important. For a long time, I used to feel this when I gave permission for and allowed myself "indulgences" -- big and small -- like everytime I went to Disneyworld or when I buy two scoops of my favorite ice cream or I watch a new anime or when I go sit under a tree and just be.

As I get older, though, I found my inner child dancing for joy when I do things that are important for my love, life, health, and overall existence. For example, my Mom is here visiting us for a few weeks. It is not lost on me how much of a gift it is that I was able to go and pick my 83-year-old mother with my fiancé, Zitro CK, up from the airport to then go and laugh and enjoy each other's company at brunch.

My inner child jumped for joy for so many reasons: my Mom was visiting, she is visiting in the home I share with the man I'm going to marry, my Mom uncondtionally supports my love and doesn't give 'two sh*ts' that my love is a man, etc. (I can write a long list but I am just going to pause here.)

It feels like such a gift. I often reflect back on my seven-year-old Self (affectionately referred to as Benji), and I can just feel his joy, excitement, surprise, and overall delight that this is something he gets to experience!

I know this because I remember being 7 growing up in rural Louisiana and never feeling like I would be able to experience true and complete happiness because nothing that I could see around me in my life at the time supported the notion that love between two men would be embraced.

Welp, leave it to my Momma to prove me wrong! That's what unconditional love can do!

So, yes, Benji is doing cartwheels inside me because he continues to marvel at the wonder of this existence he never imagined experiencing -- when I talk about the gratitude I often feel, I suspect that my inner child and all his wonder is likely the source.

Have an amazing day, Y'all,
Dr. Ben (Dr. D)

06/28/2024

"You're not bad, terrible, or selfish for removing someone unhealthy from your life -- whether they are family, friend, foe or somewhere in between."

02/07/2024

don’t want to get so caught up in sharing the revelry and debauchery from the cruise and all things ‘hump day’ and fail to provide the ‘food for thought’ of which I’m so fond.

quote and see where your thoughts and feelings take you.

Take gentle care, Y’all,
Dr. Ben
🪷

01/30/2024

You have much more power to define yourself and your existence than you realize.

You do not have to be bound by the expectations other people place on you. You don’t have to confine yourself to the box other people put you in.

Be brave. Be different. Be weird. Be YOU. Dispense with living life as your presented self and start living as the whole of who you are. Your life will change, but you won’t regret it.

Happy Tuesday, Y’all!
Dr. Ben
🪷

01/29/2024

😮‍💨

01/27/2024

This is it right here. This is my primary motivation and intention for how I show up in the social mediaverse.

(Admittedly, 10% of my posts lean more toward attention and another 15% is me harnessing the power of social media to work through my own ‘isms’.

Even with that, though — I am finding it helpful and beneficial to curate my thoughts, perspectives, history, and experiences from a therapeutic perspective with the hope of touching the life of another.

I hate the thought of anyone feeling alone in their experience, and if there is anything about my past or present that can help another, I’m happy to live that aloud so others can see.

Take gentle care, Y’all,
Dr. Ben
🪷

01/05/2024

JUST RUMINATING: If you are making choices in your adult life that are unconsciously influenced by your unresolved childhood traumas and insecurities, life is gonna continue to be tough and for out of your control.

Here’s the thing, though: almost everyone who operates that way knows on some level that the life they are living is governed by their trigger.

So, what steps are necessary to begin to make a change?

Happy Friday Y’all,
Dr. Ben
🪷

01/01/2024

2023 has come and gone.

For many, it was the greatest year of their life so far filled with triumphs, prosperity, and amazing adventures.

For others, 2023 will be remembered for the losses, the setbacks, the sadness, the people we will miss, and the things we wish we could do over again.

For still others, 2023 was a fascinating soup of the ‘good’ and the ‘not-so-good’.

Whatever your experience of 2023 was like, take note that we’ve all made it to 2024. We survived. Perhaps we have even thrived. The most important part of it all is that we are still here in 2024.

Cheers to that! Cheers to all of you. 🥂

We have seen the dawning of a new year which means we have more time to continue to ‘tell our tale’. What will you write about in this upcoming chapter of the Story of Your Life?

Happy New Year, Y’all,
Dr. Ben
🪷

12/31/2023

I’m just gonna leave this here because I know somebody out there is wrestling with this theme in some way. There IS a path to freeing yourself of this particular burdeN. It might be tough, but it can be SO worth it…

Happy Sunday, Y’all,
Dr. Ben
🪷

12/30/2023

Forgive yourself if you made mistakes as a result of something you did not know.

But, once you know, take responsibility for the impact of your decision on others.

It’s not the fault of your parents, your childhood, your ‘trust trauma’, etc.

Responsibility lands squarely with you because now you officially know better.

Happy Saturday, Y’all,
Dr. Ben
🪷

12/29/2023

UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTION: When you think of the areas of your life that are ‘unsatisfying’, how much of it is your own doing?

12/19/2023

“It’s not the things you don’t know that trip you up. It’s the things you think you know, but you don’t. You fail to ask a certain question because you believe you know the answer. Separating your information from your assumptions can be very tricky business.”

~Claudia Gray

12/14/2023

12/11/2023

ETHICAL NONMONOGAMY: With the sheer number of relationships that have ended because one or both partners cheated on the other, why aren’t more people having conversations about the reality that they are likely interested in some aspect of ethical nonmonogamy?

Can it be cheating if there have been conversations between partners about where the boundaries are and all partners have consented?

12/10/2023

ETHICAL NONMONOGAMY: As we approach the end of 2023, I’ve been reflecting on the themes that have come up most often in therapy this year.

Ethical nonmonogamy has been the most-discussed and most-explored by far. It has been fascinating to discover how many people are thinking about this for themselves, but they are petrified of introducing this truth to their partners, loved ones, and friends.

As a result, they tend to suppress their curiosity or desire — or they try to — but it never usually works because they want what they want and so it usually expresses itself in some way. It’s just a matter of whether they are honest and upfront before doing something or they are apologizing for cheating and lying and destroying trust and their commitment on the backend.

At least more and more people are attempting to be vulnerable and honest about what they want.

I can empathize with the difficulty they often have speaking their truth about it, though, because some people express some really strong opinions about this that are often judgmental, outdated, myopic, etc.

I am always fascinated to discover where people truly stand on this — not their PC, social media-appropriate, ‘representative’ response, but their actual, ‘off-the-record’ position. I always wish more people would express more of their truth to the Light more often, but each to his own and one day at a time.

My prevailing belief at this point is if more people simply acknowledged that they want some form of ethical nonmonogamy in their primary romantic relationship, we would have a lot less cheating/adultery and more healthy and longer-lasting relationships.

12/08/2023

“Settle on the type of person you want to be and stick to it, whether alone or in company.”

12/04/2023

Have a hard time trusting people? Feel like you need to be guarded all the time? It kinda protects you from being hurt, I guess — but that’s only because being guarded in that way will keep everyone at arm’s length. You won’t get hurt, but you probably won’t be loved either.