JBE Collaboration, Washington, MO (2025)

03/06/2025

This. 🖤

01/15/2025

"The love of your life, should be, the love of YOUR LIFE." -author unknown

10/28/2024

It’s a single digit countdown until No Stirrup November, and we have some very, very exciting things coming up; so we got a little head start over the weekend!

Cobwebs are being swept off to make room for new, but very OG tenants, to come share our space to do their thing, and team up with us to offer some additional collaborative services.

My girls are picking up the reins, adding a little leg, a bit more leather conditioner, a significant amount of wet blankets, and a whole lot of sass to prepare to bring back and take over Stable School, Field Trips, and Birthday Parties.

Driven by my love for all things equine, nature, psychology and family have integrated my passion for mental and energy healing into our daily lives. I will be opening my client list, back up to the public, very soon to share the techniques and tools that have transformed our lives.

My kids (blood and not), and I are so grateful for everyone’s support and patience as we have taken the time off to focus on our mental health as we navigate the family court process. I am so incredibly proud and inspired at the way these amazing young people have taken responsibility for healing their souls from trauma that they didn’t deserve and wasn’t their fault, and their willingness to invest themselves into being the light for everyone around them.

We anticipate being fully reopened by Summer 2025 and will be sharing details along the way. 🖤🖤🖤

09/21/2024

Doing a little remodeling. 🖤

09/06/2024

This is just as true now as when I first shared it years ago. I’d imagine I share it again next year. 🖤

Like many of you, I follow pages that relate to my interests and passions on social media. I use social media to interact with others I don’t see daily, share special moments, to buy and sell various items, promote my business and connect with people and ideas I love. I have spent the last couple days reflecting on comments, posts and shares related to expectation versus reality. I first noticed this trend with the memes that contrasted a popular stereotype with a real photo depicting the daily grind of that stereotype. Following that, I begun to see more detailed memes, proclaiming the perception of many different types. They feature multiple photos individually captioned: What society thinks I do. What my mom thinks I do. What my friend thinks I do. What I actually do. Many of these compilations have prompted a laugh, a share, or a friend tagged as I related to the accuracy and humor of these collections. A recent one regarding horse girls caught my attention, and I read through the comments. I realized I don’t always know what your expectations are when you come to my barn, when you sign your kids up for lessons and when you watch them improve. I do know what they learn. This is our reality:

Cowgirl boots are meant to be dirty. They are made to trudge through mud, muck, pastures, parking lots, and farm stores. They are loving cleaned when it is time to shine for 60 seconds of competition, but are most valuable when carrying us through the daily grind.

Hard work is not optional. Our horses rely on us when it’s 100 degrees or -10. It doesn’t matter if they are pasture pets or top athletes, we have to provide for them. The stalls need cleaned, the water tanks need scrubbed, the aisles need swept, the fences need mended, the list is never ending. There is no easy way, just the sweaty, dirty way.

Success can be seen in the small moments just as clearly as the large ones. You get up each morning and go to work with your partner, you pick a skill and you practice, and you practice, and then you practice some more. Then you pick a new skill and tackle that one. You do this every day until you are a master of your discipline, which ever that may be. Deep down, most of us are ecstatic when our horse loads on the trailer on the first try.

It takes a village isn’t just a cliche. We need our community. We need their advice, their experience, their hands, their skills. We need them when we are backyard owners and we need them when we are top competitors. Our vets, our farriers, other equine professionals, our trainers and even strangers on the roads are real life shamans. There is no time where we can’t find support for even the smallest crisis or a willing fellow equestrian to lend a hand.

It is actually grey or maybe it’s gray, additionally it might be flea bitten or dapple. The right way to do it is only limited by your creativity, and you are only right when it works. Black and white only exist on a paint.

There is always someone who knows more than you. So listen. Even if you don’t agree, even if you think you know better, even if you have more experience, listen, learn, grow. Go home and try it out. Keep what works and leave what doesn’t. There is always someone you know more than. Be willing to humbly pass on that knowledge.

Cowgirls do cry. Knowing when to let go is a skill. We learn that disappointment happens, financial difficulties happen, old age, sickness, injury, and death is inevitable. True horseman will have to relinquish many partners. The heartbreak is real, the grief is palpable, but dignity is possible. And life, does in fact, move on.

Stereotypes can be wrong. A gelding will foster an abandoned foal, a lame plow horse will calm a hot thoroughbred, a rescue will win a barrel race, there is no limit to the connections to be made.

You will fall. You will fail. And you will get back on and try again. Any other option is unacceptable.

There are no participation ribbons. You will win that buckle, cup, ribbon, or check only if you are the best. Chances are-- you won’t be. So go home and work harder. Ride those hills, turn those circles, take that jump a thousand times and then do it all again. Yes, winning is awesome, but so is seeing how far you have come. Improvement is it’s own reward and there are not age limits for competitors.

Backing any trailer for the first time is intimidating no matter what it looks like. You have to start somewhere, and that rusty old two horse being pulled by a sixth hand farm truck facilitates your dreams. Savor each moment. This life goes so fast. I promise, you won’t drive it forever and you will feel surprisingly nostalgic when it’s time to trade up.

Sometimes-- it’s just not going to happen. You won’t get your way and the answer is just nope. Sometimes you will need to say no. You will need to say no for safety, for finances, to people you like, to people you don’t. You will need to say no to your horse, and you will need to learn to accept no from them also. You simply can not control everything, and sheer force of will is not a healthy solution. It’s okay to take a time out. Take a break, take a walk, and take a breath.

It is all worth it. You may be tired, hot, cold, dirty, broke, and overwhelmed. You may be on top one day and eating dirt the next. But you will be free, you will be equipped to take on the world, you will know what hard work means, you will know what responsibility is, you will know how to be self sufficient and when to ask for help, you will know that it really is just about the ride.

-Krista

07/28/2024

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I rise with tear stained eyes and a scratchy throat.
Digging deep for the will to get out of bed and face the day.
Taking an shower and putting on shoes is a Herculean effort,
And I can’t meet my eyes in the mirror.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I choose my own council over all others.
Prioritizing the routine moments with my children.
Boxed Macaroni and Cheese becomes a necessity rather than a treat.
And I am unsure how I will do it tomorrow.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I can’t find peace or rest at night.
Rocking in the muggy moonlight with no words to even pray.
My dog sleeps all day, unwilling to leave me unattended in the darkness.
And I ponder my existence and what it all is for.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I put one foot in front of the other.
Doing just what needs to be done.
My pulse pounds in my ears and I remind myself to breathe
And I have never been quite so alive.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I take the time to consult my soul.
Noting just where I went wrong this time.
Coming to know myself a little deeper, open to the hard truths.
And all the possibilities are within reach once again.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I am awake to see the sun rise over the pond in the heat and in the cold.
Noticing the wild flowers that I did not see before.
Finding the one I like the best, is all of them, considered by most a w**d.
And yet, they grow without an invitation, or care, content to flourish in ditches and cracks, when they are left to just be.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When my thoughts flow out with ease.
Scribble scrabbled on pretty paper, notes, on the back of receipts.
All the words I do not say, finding a way to be shared aloud
And my anxious worry is out matched by anticipation as I meet myself again.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I treasure all the tiny things.
My children’s smiles, hot summer days, a hug from a good friend.
Walking the woods my favorite indulgence no longer feeling alone.
And the tiny prickles that cover my arms now that I am reminded how to breathe.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I face the awful truth about the life I was living.
My desperate unhappiness obvious with time.
The lies I had to tell myself, the cage bars made by me.
And my deepest fear that I wouldn’t ever fight back against my self imposed exile.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When glorious noise fills all the spaces in my broken home.
Screaming, wailing, loud hurt swelling in the space,
Coexisting effortlessly with the laughter and the pranks.
And music finds its way back in to every corner of my world, and I note its very absence should have been the sign.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When nights and days and mornings are spent behind the stove.
The very best humans always gathering at the bar.
Chitter chatter, light and airy and oh so heavy and deep, shared over more than Mac and Cheese
And honestly is the only measure that matters here.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I find me back again.
The cliches all make sense to me as I value the pain I feel.
The beauty in the struggle, the honor in despair.
And I find myself grateful for the pieces shattered on the floor.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I pick though all the rubble, not trying to rebuild.
Discarding what was never mine to hold.
No longer tiptoeing through the eggshells, aggressively stamp stomping as I please.
And as those shells grind to glitter, those sparkles light the way.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I shake off other’s made up rules and replace them with my dreams.
Spinning circles in a crowed room, ignoring all the shoulds.
Making fine adventures of a morning drive to school.
And leaving the door wide open for the air to cool the summer day.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I have the audacity to hope.
To believe I can do it better than anyone before.
Where no is a complete sentence and yeses are said emphatically to all that I would.
And sleepless nights are not tossed and turned, but a dozen enthusiastic projects spread over all the floor.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When my children send me away.
To spend the time amongst themselves or even content to be alone.
Bad memories and trauma becomes the lesson to take out here and there,
And each day adds a tally to successful changes we have made.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I stand strong on my own.
Embracing those things dubbed as flaws in me, when I don’t agree.
My power is in the intense, messy, chaotic depth of the passion I no longer fight
And good or bad, right or wrong, I feel them all the same.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I finally hurt so bad that I’m forced to make a change.
Surveying the wreckage of the self inflicted wounds,
The arrogance of holding to things that do not resonate deep inside,
And the knowledge I’m not special is the biggest relief of all.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I am wholly human and am going to get it wrong.
Over and over and then more than once again.
But the lesson is I wasn’t breaking, merely shedding my too small skin.
And those pieces, the ones smashed to glitter on the floor, they make my path sparkle and shine, just a little more.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I dare to want the big, giant, impossible things I do.
Opening my eyes so very wide, to all the moments I thought to never have.
Knowing I once settled, but never again, not anymore.
And if I just keep going, slow, but never looking back.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I know I have all I’ll ever need.
Comfort is no longer motivation, grudgingly excited, to stay in the in-between.
Collecting other hearts and souls that rise to the challenge,
And becoming all the things I once thought not enough, and now wouldn’t give away.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I let go of all false pride.
The perfection of showcasing exactly what I am.
Finding joy in cinnamon blown out the door, and eating lunch at dawn
And the shimmer sparkle of right energy moving me right along.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When lies no longer are ignored, and it doesn’t have to be that hard.
Mine both by blood or not, kicked viciously off of the complacent path.
Forced to skip decades of malcontent, no longer asked to sacrifice
And the inevitable acceptance of exactly who the are, becomes the standard of every love to come.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When I say hard things or nothing at all,
The tiny bit of external disapproval and discomfort,
Infinitely better than disappointment in myself.
And I seek my own approval above any one else’s at all.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When depression is no longer welcome and anxiety not called a friend.
No longer a frog in the pot, slowly boiling until I die.
Rimble rambling whatever words I choose because I am that intense
And I would rather spend my life happy and alone than bend to anything that is not for me.

My favorite version of myself is the heartbroken one.
When it all starts to fall into place.
The limbo of not quite there, but already gone.
When the best is both happening right now and somewhere down the line.
And my favorite version of myself is the price I paid for an authentic life lived free.

This Version of Me
Khaos Theory, 2024

01/22/2024

This is a much more articulate way to explain the goal of ego work and healing.

You can observe, acknowledge and honor your feelings while also recognizing they can be deceptive and distort your perception.

Healthy action or inaction (behavior) originates from factual reality rather than feeling perception.

01/19/2024

Change can be daunting. Rarely does anyone make the effort to change without extreme levels of pain and unhappiness. The passive desire for change often originates years before it gains enough strength to inspire movement. Often, it begins with an uncomfortable, subtle, awareness that lthe dynamics of our lives aren’t what we want, and often are actually harmful. In those who desire more, that awareness sparks a journey of self reflection and seeking. It is crucial to the growth process, to grasp the implications of the ego’s role.

The egos sole purpose is to protect us from anything that could potentially cause harm. This includes protecting ourselves from our own scrutiny. The Ego is excellent at its job. In order to provide protection, With little provocation, it will go to war and the ego doesn’t see right or wrong, or really even have moral limits. As such, lying, cheating, avoiding, sacrificing others, all other maladaptive coping mechanisms are actively encouraged. Additionally, the ego is about survival and isn’t super concerned with being healthy. It’s go to strategy is defensiveness and, like the word implies, is literally the first line of protection.

It is my belief, that the most prevalent, energy efficient, and effective method of defense, is to convince ourselves that we are victims. That lie can be so insidious, so pervasive that it internally integrates into a core belief. Subconsciously that belief then becomes the premise for our perceptions which become the basis for our thoughts and feelings. When faulty core beliefs are challenged, both directly and inadvertently, often the default is to panic, as our foundation is shaken and we begin to feel out of control. The ego always looks for the shortest way to regain *feeling* in control. Feelings are sneaky. They can be so strong that we truly believe that the way we feel is reality. Society also pushes the idea that all feelings are valid and we can’t help how we feel. (I will dismantle this in a future post.) When we are operating from that vulnerable and insecure place, self destruction is seductive. We spiral, lash out, and seek relief in the form of instant gratification. This pattern ultimately prolongs the instability, and it takes more and more extreme actions to get the chemical drop we are chasing. (Self destruction can be an addictive. I will also be expanding on this later.)

In order to shift out of ego based reactions, we have to go on the offensive. In order to do so, the work, the planning, the commitment has to happen before a reactive moment takes place. It is a conscious shifting from denial to curiosity. It’s training your neural pathways to respond with questions rather than protests.

It can look a lot like the following scenarios;

“Okay, I believe I hear you. At the moment, it doesn’t feel like that feedback originates from an accurate assessment of me. I’d like to take a second to sit with my feelings, and then, if you are willing, I’d like you to clarify that statement so I can ensure I am actually understanding what you are saying. If you are okay with that, I’d also appreciate it if you elaborate on what dynamics related to me, have led you to that conclusion.”

“I can see that you are hurting, and I am sorry for that. I don’t necessarily agree with that perspective. I agree that this warrants an in depth conversation. If you are open to it, I would like to take a moment to get a handle on my emotions before we tackle this issue.”

“I have been operating from the premise that you … xyz, if that is inaccurate, please correct me and I will adjust my actions accordingly.”

“I’m not looking for us to agree or to label who is right or wrong, I am comfortable agreeing to disagree. My goal is for you to feel like I heard you and for me to feel the same. As long as we can communicate without screaming, petty dogs, and name calling I’m willing to sit in this with you until we accomplish that goal.”

“I do not currently have the emotional and/or mental capacity to respond to this at this time. It is clear that this is causing you distress, and it is important to me that I remain present for this discussion. Can we make a plan and set a time to revisit this when I am better equipped to give you the attention you deserve?”

It is important to note that our ego can be subtle and often, the ego is misidentified as the self. It takes a concerted effort to recognize and counter ego positions. Initially, examples like the above, making I statements, mental health cliches, and almost all other therapeutic tools made me cringe and shut me down. The concepts seemed ridiculous, cheesy, stupid, and fake. I was originally dismissive of their effectiveness because I believed they would be ineffective to improve the dynamics with the other party(ies). Like boundaries, taking personal accountability isn’t actually about us and anyone else. It’s about defining who we are and what we want. I statements, non-ego reactions, calm collaboration, these shifts are about facilitating our most authentic self to emerge, and creating space for us to address the deep wounds, rather than react from inconsistent feelings.

Why do we want to go through the messy, intensely painful, life altering process of such radical self reflection? Short answer - we crave control and stability. The only thing in life we can control is ourself and stability comes from trusting that we are capable of handling everything out of our control, because we won’t cede any of our control to external forces.

Magic happens when we realize the bars of our cages are made of limitations we place on ourselves. It’s not a pretty process, the shift from surviving to living. However, I can promise you two things. It is doable, and two, it is worth all the heartache.

🖤🖤🖤

11/21/2023

What if you woke up today and made defiant choices all day?

What if you said what you think?
What if you didn’t try and temper your feelings?
What if you countered every negative thought about yourself with, so what?
What if you said no to anything (nonessential) you don’t want to do?
What if you said yes?
What if you let yourself like you?
What if you got excited to breathe?
What if you fell in love with yourself?
What if you focused on every piece of magic you could find?
What if the thing that brought you the most pain, was the catalyst for better than you could imagine?
What if everything changed?

Now. Do it. One step at a time. One tiny baby step, one after the other. The days will be long, but the months will be short.

11/13/2023

Everything in our existence is about learning and growing and becoming. It is the becoming that is our purpose. Every single moment is a chance to touch all the other moments. To understand the deep connection with all of everything. We are self contained and a piece of the collective at the same time. Nothing any of us do only affects us, and we cross ripple across the entirety.

If it could have happened any other way, it would have. If we ever did anything different, it would change everything. It is how free will and fate can be bound by and. We are everything and we are nothing. The duality is inherent. We are spiritual beings having a human existence and time and space are relevant. We are also human beings having a spiritual experience, and time and space are really irrelevant. It’s how the wanting, the knowing and the fear of not having, can all coexist. Everything works together surging towards one state. The becoming of the present moment. The present moment is the end game.

This moment, right here, right now. Every sense is heightened. The waiting, the wanting, the having. Where the pain is transformed into satisfaction. Radical acceptance of - what was had to happen for what is, and what is has to happen for what will be. The present moment is the state of I am. You are the plot twist in your story. 🖤🖤🖤

JBE Collaboration

03/06/2025

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10/28/2024

09/21/2024

09/06/2024

07/28/2024

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