04/13/2024
It’s not okay, to not be okay!
Regardless of our new awareness to post traumatic stress, anxiety and depression. In spite of the fact that we say we are a brother / sisterhood and we will always have each other’s back. The truth of the matter is it is still a closed subject. To be vulnerable and expose this weakness can be life changing and maybe even devastating to a career, friendship and even family. So devastating in fact, that some would rather die by their own hand.
We say that we have grown to understand that these are wounds can be healed, that we now know that it’s not a character flaw or weakness. Unfortunately we still hold the same prejudice and biases that this person is flawed or lesser because they have come out and exposed their vulnerability. We are slowly accepting this at the peer level but are still extremely critical and prejudice of anyone one at a higher or lower level of rank or responsibility. No one one wants a team member that they feel can’t take the heat and step up or to be led by someone that they feel may break under the pressure.
Even within our own peer structure, once a friend or coworker exposes a vulnerability the relationship becomes tested because they fear they are viewed as being inferior. It goes back to our most primal instincts that we want to surround ourselves with the strong and we equally want to be viewed as a source of strength. We want to appear to be strong to our coworkers, friends and especially to our family.
To breakdown in view of our loved ones is a devastating and sometimes life changing event. There is always the real fear that it will change how we are viewed and how they feel about us. It can be argued that if there is love that they will stand behind us or I will stand behind them, however, in many instances this isn’t the case. The relationship changes from being equals to a rescuer / rescued situation. With both sides feeling some resentment.
So what is the solution.... it’s not talk to your coworkers, your friends or even your family. Because of the level of risk, it’s not a viable solution. No-one is going to take the chance on this level of risk. There is far to much to lose. For emergency services we need to follow the lead of the military. We need a variety of accessible programs. The key being accessible. We need the ability to seek out help that doesn’t jeopardize our entire life. We need a selection of programs, because there is no “one size fits all”. We need the ability to seek out help anonymously so that confidentiality is maintained to a level that satisfies the recipient.
Unfortunately at this time, programs and services are few. While some have insurance to cover select services, most do not. Even those that have EAP programs there will always be a concern with confidentiality. So how do we get a variety of programs that have funding, are accessible and maintain an individuals anonymity? The first step is to recognize that telling individuals to talk it through is a bandaid on a severe wound at best. And while it’s easy to list all we need. We need leadership in emergency services to make this a priority. We need dedicated funding at the state and federal level to support program development. We need to educate ourselves on the facts and start grassroots movements in developing programs and supporting programs. What we truly need, what we need most of all, we need true compassion and understanding. We need to start to believe that’s it’s okay, to not be okay and know that the wound can heal.
While discussing mental health issues in the fire service with a high ranking officer. He made the comment that this was just the newest fad, like hazmat was a few years ago. I was a bit taken back, even angered by his comment. In emergency services we tend to be a little slow in grasping how dire the situation is. I argue that hazmat was an issue long before we acknowledged, regulated, trained and now accept the dangers and have taken steps to protect responders. Mental health issues are not new in emergency services. I have lost colleagues my entire career. These people were not weak and actually were some of the bravest, smartest and best. All were people that I wanted to follow or have my back in the fight. All were missed desperately by family and those they served with. All were hero’s. The best of the best.
Until it becomes okay to not be okay we are all living just day to day. There is no secret formula to dodging the effects of the job, physically and mentally. None of us can ever say it won’t happen to me. We can only say I made it through today until it is okay to not be okay.
BE THE CHANGE
Steve Schreck retired
