Tom Schlosser LPC

10/15/2022

10/14/2022

10/03/2022

When speaking about their abusers, the majority of my clients experience ambivalence–having conflicting feelings. On one hand, their abuser was someone they trusted and may have even enjoyed (a sibling, doctor, babysitter, etc.). Through the process of grooming, abusers predate victims by engaging in meaningful conversations or pastimes. These relationships begin through a shared interest in life philosophies to make the victim feel “known.” This might look like bonding over games, spirituality, creativity, or professional goals. Abusers are masterful at using music, art, books, sports or peculiar pastimes to leverage the victim’s interest and participation. They want us to feel full of life as they plot to steal some of the most sacred dimensions of our life.

Acting as gatekeepers to God, beauty, and opportunity, abusers will awaken victims with profound “insights,” money, and valuable experiences of connection to maintain a power dynamic. When abusers are in the grooming process, they annul a victim’s ability to say no by overwhelming them with as many positive experiences as they can arrange. This positive reinforcement floods the brain with feel-good chemicals, creating a sense of trust (attachment) between the abuser and the victim. For this reason, many people feel complicit within their own abuse. They might say, “If I had never trusted this person or felt so full of life around them, I wouldn’t have experienced all of this.”

One important step you can take towards healing is to name not only the abuse, but also the places you felt connection and even excitement with your abuser. This is the razor’s edge of recovery: To condemn the horrors of abuse while also blessing and protecting the parts of our desire that longed for connection.

09/21/2022

09/14/2022

If you often become emotionally dysregulated (anxiety, depression, etc), it is highly likely that you were not attuned to by your primary caregivers. The way your brain develops the neural structures for affect regulation is by being attuned to when you are young. This is why healing requires that you begin to attune to your own internal emotional experience.

09/05/2022

This is crucial to understand. Many people are afraid that "if I let myself start crying, I'll never stop." It's the sense that grieving my pain will sink me. The reality is that avoiding your grief is what sinks a person. For a more detailed discussion, listen to podcast episode 17.

09/02/2022

08/20/2022

Did you get these six things when you were 6, 12, 18? To understand more about what each of these Big Six Needs are, check out podcast episode 2.

08/10/2022

Brené Brown says that the scariest emotion is joy. It can be very frightening to allow ourselves to really feel joy well up in our hearts. This is especially true for people with a history of trauma/abuse. In podcast episode 110, Jerry Sittser talks candidly about how he had to train his heart to look for joy and beauty and goodness. And to really take it in.

The Place We Find Ourselves, Episode 110: "How Do You Move Through Past Trauma?"
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