
07/30/2025
I feel like I’m at a profound and pivotal portal. Somewhat lost, but at the same time, I know exactly where I’m going.
I deeply know abundance is all around me, but leaning into that knowledge feels sacrilegious. How can I possibility relate to abundance when a piece of my heart is dampened with a recent loss?
Instead of warmth, I feel the coldness of grief surrounding me at all times. I’m having to make the conscious choice to smile, be social, and be present. My mind desperately wants to escape, so choosing presence is the hardest thing right now.
Two weeks ago, it felt like things were starting to fall into place, and just like that, everything changed. Now, I’m trying to put the pieces together but it feels like I’m missing a corner of the puzzle. It’s been a week and I still feel so lost.
What I do know, is I have so much love around me. That’s been the one thing holding me to this earth. The acts of service, the kind words, the holding of space — it’s beautiful and I feel so lucky.
Lately, Luca and I have been spending quality time on the porch. Overlooking my favorite dogwood tree, listening to the wind chimes, and best of all — there’s no words between us. I feel like he sees me, really sees me going through it, and is holding a sacred space, one where he pits his head on my shoulder, to keep my energy from floating up toward the sky.
So while I’m still sad, this immense wave of gratitude is within my field of view. I’m especially grateful for animal companionship, and I’ve been constantly reminded how truly unique that bond is.
I look forward to when I can finally emerge from this doorway with something to show for it.