11/17/2025
There is often a whole lot of "shoulding" going on when it comes to loss and grief. The outside world sitting on the sidelines tends to have unhelpful opinions and advice when it comes to what grievers should or shouldn't be doing after a loss has turned life upside down.
People try to wrap grief up in a tidy little package filled with rules and timelines. And if too much time has passed by, grievers are pressured to get over it, and move along. As if it's this easy to follow a straight path ahead with no detours along the way.
There are plenty of detours when grieving and even if you are having a "better" day, grief can ambush you without warning and knock you down. Grief isn't linear. It's complicated. Messy. Exhausting. Overwhelming. Confusing. It takes time, hard work, grace, patience, determination, and support to inch your way forward all while trying to keep up with the demands of life and figure out who you are now and how to fit back into the world.
There's nothing simple or easy about it and honestly, there will be days when you feel like the only thing you can do is survive.
With that being said, it's important to hang onto hope. The grief you carry may always be part of your very different life and even if you are heading in the right direction - it's normal to have bad days and setbacks.
But it's also possible to have days when the love you will always hold in your heart is stronger than the pain. When glimmers of joy can occasionally sit alongside the sadness you feel every day. When moments of peace can bring calm to everything feels so messy and out of control. And when you can feel less exhausted and overwhelmed.
I know it can be hard to see any of those possibilities - for a while. But it's possible. Sending you love and know that I'm here to listen and for you to lean on on those days when nothing makes sense and you are just trying to survive - the best you can. Hugs.
Michele