08/25/2025
When we feel rejected or disconnected, the pull is often to withdraw or build walls. But DBT teaches us about the essential skill of opposite action—choosing to do the very thing our feelings push us away from.
Instead of hiding, we can turn toward our pain with curiosity and compassion. In Buddhist tradition, this practice of leaning in to suffering softens its grip.
Using an IFS approach, we might even get curious about the part of us that feels hurt: “What do you need right now?”
This might sound like: “I’m struggling right now—and that’s okay.”
Or look like choosing love when you don’t feel it:
-Giving your partner a hug even when you’re annoyed with them
-Reading your child a bedtime story when you’re exhausted and frustrated
-Asking a coworker how their day is going when you’re feeling isolated
-Texting a friend even when you feel like nobody cares about you
Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is love anyway—beginning with ourselves.
Here’s the thing about feelings and actions: we don’t have to wait to feel loving to act lovingly. Sometimes we can act our way into feeling better. When we choose loving behaviors—even small ones—we’re creating space for our hearts to catch up.
