Unrestricted Kate

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Unrestricted Kate

The musings, movement and adventures of an empowerment-focused yoga instructor and graduate student.

07/18/2023

I treated last week as a retreat for myself, being on a staycation from living with another human.
Face masks, stretching, yoga, long periods of silence, and breakfast all happened consistently.
This humble plate was total self-care. Scrambled egg whites with red pepper flake, and a sautéed mix of kale and chard from the farm.
Simple. Flavorful. Satisfying.
Leaving for New Hampshire in a few days for a week of intensive Residency hours for grad school. Another break from the norm, another week to focus on taking care of myself while I study how to care for others.

07/14/2023

Last night, I made myself this dinner because, in my mind, well-made pasta is an act of love. I had been reflecting on how often we feed others our food, our words, our energy, and how we sustain ourselves on what they give us.
Are we actively feeding ourselves? Are we actively showing ourselves the love and compassion and gratitude that we give away so freely?
Having been alone this week, I realized that I am not doing those things and I need to start.
Into the food processor went organic garlic scapes, organic basil, oyster mushroom (the only low fodmap shroom), lemon, pepper. Meals like this make me so grateful for my organic farmshare. While the pasta cooked, I warmed the puréed mixture good olive oil. Once the pasta was aldenté I threw it in with the sauce along with some halved heirloom grape tomatoes.
Start to finish this meal took about 15 minutes. I wish my realization about treating myself better and being more intentional with what I give and receive had only taken that long 🤣
Live and learn, and then eat pasta.

07/12/2023

I snapped this photo on a recent trip to Block Island to celebrate a dear friend's birthday. While the rest of the group went on to the next celebratory location, I wandered to the beach for some alone time and to collect treasures. Something about catching up to friends at a bar with my bag full of driftwood and stones is very on brand for me.
Balance. The loud and the quiet. The recognizing when I need alone time. Checking in with myself the same way I check in with others.
Transitioning into the world of "Yoga Teacher" and "Future Therapist" and "Somatic Arts Facilitator" has been humbling, and eye opening to the blinding amount of love there is in this world, in my community, if I stop running away from it. If I show myself, lift my voice, stay authentic, learn to play, and remain open to connection as well as boundaries.
Last year was a doozy, and 2023 is a wild ride so far. I've never learned so much more than I could have expected, and I know there is still so much to learn.
This is the aforementioned transition. Breaks from food posts to make space for Kate posts.
I had to cancel my class tomorrow morning because no one enrolled...but I plan to use that as motivation to keep going.
Thank you to my teachers, .with.me and for showing me how big my life can be if I stop second-guessing everything and start chasing my YES.

07/10/2023

Approximately one million summers ago, I went to Italy on a work trip. I do not take what I just said for granted.
While the entire trip was magical, there is one memory that stands out. Rome, a rooftop restaurant, a simple meal of swordfish roasted under a pile of grape tomatoes and local olives.
Life changing. Seriously. One of those moments you slow down and savor each fragrance, each sound, the warm air on your skin, the flavors, and you make a note of wanting to remember it.
Tonight's meal pales in comparison in a lot of ways, but it also brought me back to that lovely experience. Admiral cut of cod, tomatoes, olives, broccoli, olive oil, lemon, and fresh rosemary combined into a plate of perfect bites.
I have the goal of leading yoga retreats down the road, and so it would seem I've chosen anothet career that could take me around the world. I don't yet have the confidence, or the experience or the bravery...but I have the goal, and that's a good place to start.
This dish wasn't enjoyed on a rooftop in Italy with a carafe of table wine. It was enjoyed alone on my couch, reflecting on that trip in silence...aside from the sound of both dogs incessantly licking their lips while forced to standby and watch.
Excellent motivation to find the courage I need to grow my yoga business from a tiny seed to a round-trip ticket.

07/06/2023

A good reminder for me to get back into the kitchen, and out to the grill, was being given a long list of foods I can't eat. Some I can't eat for 6 weeks, some a few months, and some never again...making restaurant meals a tad impossible while we figure this out.
A week ago, I was placed on a Low Fodmap protocol by my doctor. Aside from losing a number of my favorite foods (onions, garlic, mushrooms, beans, lactose, apples, to name a few), it also reminded me of the frustration and fear that I experienced when I was diagnosed with Celiac 21 years ago. That "I'm going to be left out" feeling, which is funny for an introvert to complain about.
A couple of days ago, I decided to approach it as a challenge and get creative. With my first term of grad school over, my second one already in full swing, and my fledgling yoga business still finding its feet, it is feeling easier to establish a routine again.
Grilled chicken thighs, jasmine rice with diced farm veggies, salted tomatoes and shredded cabbage with citrus was my maiden voyage back toward this page, toward my own health, to meals at home and the therapy of cooking.
I think it's going to be a really good summer.
🖤

06/01/2023

On Monday I said goodbye to someone. After nearly a decade I purged my closet of all the clothes that I've kept since I was super active in my disordered eating.
I said goodbye to the beauty industry girl who insisted on walking instead of trains so she could hit 20,000 steps a day. I said goodbye to the Kate Spade girl, who counted out exactly one half of a serving of almonds every morning and snacked on that for hours. I said goodbye to the girl who couldn't eat in groups.
I pulled out a tote I had ferreted away in an attic crawlspace, I ruthlessly ripped apart my closet, and I promptly drove two towns away to donate all of it.
There were tears, but that comes with growth and closure. There was frustration and negative self talk, but that comes with this brand of mental unwellness. At the end, there was pride...and a few texts sent to my inner circle, and celebrations from others.
I'm never going to be perfect with food. If we had a relationship status it would be "it's complicated". Still, I am hoping to live another 40+ years, and I'd love to do that without constantly punishing my body. It's absolutely fu***ng exhausting.
I still have the photos of those days, and I look so happy posing with friends and attending glam events, but I know how much I was constantly telling myself "you don't deserve this" and how miserable it made me.

Not my usual content...I just felt like being brave and sharing my truth. 🖤

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