Life Navigation Counseling

05/04/2025

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03/15/2025

03/10/2025

What is the tone of your home?

Gen Z is not going to come visit us out of obligation.

Let me repeat.....we have not raised adults who are going to come back home to visit just because they "owe it to us". Just because we are their parents. Just because they "should".

Gen Z pays attention to how they feel when they are with you. They pay attention to the tone of the house and if it's enjoyable to be at home. They've been trained to do this.

So....if you are letting the unhealthiest person in the home set the tone and everyone tries to manage their own emotions around that...you're in for a rude awakening.

Remember that old saying...."if mama ain't happy no one is happy".

It's bu****it.

If mama ain't happy....mama better do some work on herself and learn to understand her own needs.She better get busy learning how to meet her own needs and how to ask for the needs that are to be met by her partner. She better learn what behavior comes from her when her needs aren't met and get busy being apologetic and accountable for how she shows up. She better take such good care of herself that the people around don't feel like they have to walk on eggshells to keep mama happy.

How about that?!

And guess what......same goes for papa!

Papa better figure out how to feel his emotions and take really good care of them. He better figure out how to speak with curiosity and compassion and find a soft place for himself and others. Papa needs to take such good care of that little boy inside of him that he shows up with emotional intelligence and emotional maturity.

This habit of letting the surliest member of the family set the tone for get togethers or even day to day life is done.

You want a great relationship with your adult kids.....get busy looking in the mirror.

You want a great relationship with your adult kids....you better be a likable person...someone they want to be around.

How do you show up?
What is the tone of your house?
Are you good at regulating your own emotions or do you emote on those around you.
Do you fill your own needs or sit back angry they aren't being filled?

I grew up in a home with a lot of negativity....so I chose joy for the tone of my house.....the tone of the family.

I do my best to show up joyful.

That doesn't mean I fake it when I'm not feeling joyful. It means I notice that part of me....show her curiosity and compassion....love the hell out of her and regulate. It means it's the tone of our house....so we do our best to maintain it. It means I take such good care of myself that joy is the top emotion I feel on most days. It means I engage in things from my joy list (dopamine menu) on a weekly basis. It means we choose joy as often as possible.

I do this...so my kids don't have to hold my emotions. They are holding enough on their own.

I do this...so my kids don't feel the need to take care of me.

I do this...so home is an emotionally safe space.

I do this...because home feels so much better with joy inside of it.

I do this...so that when our family grows...it's our home they want to share it with...our home they come back to...our home we celebrate in.

What is the tone of your home?

12/23/2024

❄️🥶❄️🥶❄️

04/15/2024

Let this sink in for a moment....

03/25/2024

Someone asked me today if the sorrow I still feel (because my child died many years ago) gets in the way of “gratitude.”

First, let’s talk about why you’d ask this question of me. Second, let’s talk about what gratitude means to you because for me gratitude doesn’t equate to an eradication of grief. In fact, one of our research studies showed that grieving parents reported a deeper appreciation for life - when they felt ready and that they had the space to open to those feelings.

So, yeah, seemingly antithetical experiences can coexist. I am not an ungrateful person. I recognize that having running water, a safe home, and living children are things for which I feel gratitude.

And also, one of my children isn’t here with me so there isn’t a day that passes when I’m not missing her and feeling sorrow for all the time we missed together.

This is my simply complicated truth.

02/22/2024

How very true!!!