03/30/2026
When a child's behavior is the presenting problem, there's almost always a soft/hard parent split running underneath.
One parent gets firmer, the other gets gentler.
Each time one parent act the other way, it reinforces the cycle and makes the symptoms in the child even worse. Here's one of the tools I explain in this week's family systems HIT.
The Boss-to-Friend Thermometer:
Ask each parent as well as a the child, a version of this question:
"If your relationship with your child is partly boss and partly friend, what percentage would you say your parenting style it is right now?"
You can follow up with "What do you think the ideal split is?"
This question sidesteps defensiveness entirely. Nobody likes being called "too soft" or "too harsh." But most parents will happily discuss what the right balance looks like for their child's age.
Find out more by joining over 2300 family therapists who are signed up to my free Family Systems Newsletter that I send out each week, and tomorrow is a deep-dive into the soft-hard parenting split
