Larry Mabry Counseling, LCSW

06/19/2019

My nephew sent this to me on Father’s Day.
Thanks for looking out for George (my brother who got sober). I’m checking out. Peace, Larry. I’m sorry for the text messages.

To me this is a typical alcoholic message.
1. It is unclear. Is he suicidal as I took it?
2. Is he upset because he is alone in this world because his father has passed? (And the wreckage of his past is catching up with him.)
3. Is he mad at me for not being there for him because I will not tolerate alcoholic behavior among family members because it affects my sobriety? (blaming, self-pity, suicidal threats, stealing, dishonesty, self seeking, and denial of his substance dependency. Knowing that all his actions were “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.”)

The solution for me was simple.
I prayed for him. I asked God to protect him, and prayed that he find the program that saved his father’s and my life.
I discussed how he affected me with others, and how afraid I was for him.
Make myself available to someone in the rooms who is struggling with thoughts of self-harm.
I told him that I would be there for him as I was for his father.
I asked him to call me.

As of today, is he dead? Is he still punishing me for not being there for him? He is in God’s hands and the reality is he is still sick and suffering. I pray for him daily in that moment of silence for the still sick and suffering.

06/17/2019

Finding A Life With Purpose

I wish all of you a life with purpose. Because it is true what Henry Ford said, “if you think you can, you’re right. If you think you can’t, you’re right.” Here is wishing you happiness beyond your wildest dreams.
One of the most powerful methods for someone entering recovery is to start living a meaningful life of purpose. That is why unity, recovery, and service are essential in maintaining a life of sobriety. If those in recovery have no purpose, or don’t find something that puts a smile on their face. They are more likely to relapse than those fellows who are working to find their life purpose. It is essential to know what is important in your life, and by developing sober supports and sober activities allows one to grow in recovery.
Finding a purpose driven life begins first with having a vision of what you want your life to be like. In a 12 step program choosing a sponsor who possesses what you want to have spiritually, mentally and physically. Then, by developing a relationship with your higher power and doing the work with your sponsor one can fulfill the AA promises. First, set small attainable and manageable goals. Don’t be too hard on yourself by setting the bar too high. Not giving up at the first obstacle or distraction is key. Not having perseverance or asking for help or others expertise could hinder you from achieving your goal. A key for me is remembering the line in the third step prayer. “Relieve me from the bo***ge of self… “Keep me Away from me” …that I may better do Thy Will” Knowing that self sabotage is a part of every alcoholics makeup. “I’ll show you I will hurt me.” I believe the easier softer way is working a 12-step program honestly considering a life of “restless, irritable, and discontented (page xxvi in the Doctor’s Opinion).” is much harder life than working a simple program that was 84 years old this week.
Filling one’s life with healthy activities such as prayer, meditation, exercise, church, becoming family oriented, and having a career, is essential for the alcoholic to maintain balance in their lives. Creating consistency structure and discipline in our lives is also essential in developing balance in our lives. If one is searching for ideas… volunteer at a food bank, a retirement community, or just being of service to others is fulfilling…and let your envisioned dreams and new found supportive friends guide you to happiness.



- Larry

06/14/2019

06/10/2019

Happy monday!!

06/03/2019

Processing the Affirmation:


I forgive me for being me because that is all I knew.

Many addicts and alcoholics have extreme difficulty in forgiving themselves. They continue to relentlessly punish themselves for their past by dwelling in the past. They have excessive amounts of guilt, shame, remorse and regrets. I often have asked those I am working with. “If this was your best friend how would you treat him?” The quickly respond. “We are all human, we make mistakes.”

I respond, “Then why do you continue to beat yourself up about your past because your addictive self is not you. It is your evil twin (your Mr. Hyde). I refer to the Big Book:

“Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around.”
- Alcoholics Anonymous Pg. 21

Self forgiveness and asking God for forgiveness is essential if you plan to stay sober.

05/31/2019

Break the cycle of "I'll show you, I'll hurt me!"