Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse, Teer Road 1060, West Rutland, VT (2026)

04/29/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

When most people are in a conflict, they're trying to answer one question:

“What happened between us, and how do we fix it?

Narcissistic people are trying to answer a different question:

“Who's right, who's wrong, and who's at fault?”

So conflict stops being a conversation and turns into a competition.

The reason they do this is almost always about protecting their self-image.

They often care more about looking like a good person than actually being one.

So they'll do just about anything they can to avoid looking like a bad person.

And when this is what conflict looks like over and over, you stop seeing it as safe.

And you start seeing it as something you have to survive.

Which can make relationships really hard, because conflict is actually a normal part of being close to someone.

So if you can't be in one without going into defense mode, it's hard to stay close to anyone for long.

If you can relate to this at all and need someone to talk to about it, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/27/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Imagine if your hand suddenly had a voice, and one day it said:

“Hey, can you ask me before you open doors in public? I don't love touching all those germs.”

How would you react?

You'd look at your hand like it was crazy.

Like, “Why is it asking me for permission? It's part of me. I do what I want with it.”

That's basically what's happening when you try to set a boundary with a narcissist.

They don't really see you as a separate person, you're more of an extension of them.

So when you set a boundary, they genuinely can't process it.

That’s why they laugh it off, dismiss it, or push past it.

And when this happens enough times, you start to doubt your right to have boundaries at all.

But you do, it’s a basic human right we all have.

But when it comes to narcissists, they're never really going to listen.

So boundaries are much less about asking them to change.

And much more about deciding what you will do when a line gets crossed.

For example, instead of “Please don't touch me without permission”

It sounds more like:

“I'm going to sit facing the entrance so they can't catch me off guard.

If they try to hug me, I'll step back and put my hand up.

And if they push past that and force it anyway, I'll stop coming to events they're at.”

Notice the difference?

The first one depends on them respecting you.

The second one depends on you respecting yourself.

These are called internal boundaries.

And if you’d like to learn more about them or if you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/27/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Most narcissistic people don't really see you as a person.

You're more of an extension of themselves.

So they watch you like a hawk.

And anytime you do something that doesn't fit the image they want, even if there's absolutely nothing wrong with it (eating, resting, losing at chess, etc.), it triggers them.

They feel like you're making them look piggish, lazy, or stupid.

(those were the examples I gave in the video)

But instead of dealing with that feeling themselves, they offload it onto you.

It's almost like they're thinking: “I feel uncomfortable. I need to put this somewhere. I'll put it on you.”

And that's where the constant name-calling comes from.

Now, when you're around someone who calls you names like this all the time, you'll often start watching yourself the way they watched you.

For example, you'll go to lay down on the couch and immediately start thinking things like “I'm being so lazy” or “I should be doing something productive.”

This is a little uncomfortable, but one thing you can do to change this is pick something they would call you names for and do it on purpose.

For example, sit on the couch and rest, even when there's stuff to do.

How does this help?

When you spend time with someone like this, you learn a rule: their negative opinion of me is something I have to fix.

This exercise teaches you something new: that negative opinion can exist, and I don't have to do anything about it.

I can rest, and the world doesn't end.

I can be imperfect, and I'm still okay.

And the more times you prove that to yourself, the less power that rule has.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/26/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

For a lot of narcissistic people, you're not a guest in their house.

You're a decoration they picked out.

Once they hang you up on their wall, they expect you to stay there until they decide otherwise.

So when you say something they didn't approve of, they get really upset/uncomfortable.

Because you're not just a decoration anymore, you're a person choosing a path that exists outside of them.

So they often try to damage the path you're on, like you saw in this video, so you turn back to them.

Are they sitting there thinking "how do I shut them down?"

I don't think it's always a conscious decision like that.

But it doesn't really matter.

Because at the end of the day, it still leaves you second-guessing your choices.

One thing you can do to change this is the next time you’re second-guessing something, write your decision down in one sentence.

For example, let's say your decision is:

“I'm going to sign up for the pottery class I've been wanting to take.”

Write that down at the top of the page.

Then underneath, write down every doubt that pops up — even the “dumb” ones.

- I won't be any good.
- It's a waste of money.
- They'll be annoyed that I'm gone on Saturday mornings.

Get them all out.

Then go through each one and label it:

E if it's evidence-based — meaning there's a real reason to think about it.

C if it's conditioned — meaning it sounds like them, or it's vague, or it's just fear talking.

Then only respond to the E's.

Ignore the C's completely.

How can this help?

When you start second-guessing, all your doubts feel equally important.

But they're not.

Yes, some of them are real concerns worth thinking about.

But some of them are just fear, habit, or someone else's voice in your head.

This exercise helps you slow down and tell the difference so you can make the best decision possible.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/25/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'd like to explain what's going on here, because narcissists do this a lot.

So I said: "I wasn't laughing."

They immediately said: "You were smiling, same thing."

What happened here?

→ They don't accept what I said about my own experience.
→ They replaced it with their version, like mine doesn't count.

Then it shifts to:

"Why are you trying to make me feel bad? It was just a joke."

Now what's happening?

→ The conversation stops being about what actually happened.
→ It becomes about me being "too sensitive" or "making it a problem."

So instead of apologizing and taking responsibility for what they did...

It turns into:

"Why are you being like this?"

And that is what they do all the time. Instead of focusing on what they did, they focus on your reaction to what they did.

The laughing. Acting relaxed and amused. Looking at me like I'm overreacting.

It creates this pressure where:

→ I start to feel a little stupid for even bringing it up.
→ Like I should just drop it or I'll look ridiculous.

And that's exactly how they want you to feel. Because the second you feel ridiculous for bringing something up, you stop bringing things up.

If this is something you can relate to and you need someone to talk to about it, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/23/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

A narcissist will be like:

"Yeah, I hurt you… but you told people about it, so that's worse."

Because they care way more about looking like a good person than actually being one.

And to be honest, it makes sense why.

They need validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control to "survive."

They get the first three by looking and acting like a good person.

And they get the last two through abuse, manipulation, and exploitation.

So when you tell people what's really going on, it's like you're cutting off their oxygen.

Because they can't get the validation, admiration, and reassurance they need if people see how they actually treat others behind closed doors.

And that's why they can look you in the eye and honestly believe that you telling people about the abuse is worse than them abusing you.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/21/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

What you're seeing here is a narcissistic person trying to fight their low sense of self-worth.

They do a great job at hiding it, but deep down they typically feel unlovable, unwanted, inadequate, worthless, and weak.

And this is a huge problem, because they don't know how to stop feeling this way.

So one of the things they do to protect themselves is distort reality.

Instead of acknowledging harm and trying to repair it, they shift the blame.

"They deserved it."

"They made me act that way."

Or they minimize the situation.

"It wasn't that bad."

"They're too sensitive."

Things like that.

And the thing that makes this so confusing is their conviction.

They say something mean, and they honestly believe you made them do it.

They do something cruel, and they honestly believe it wasn't that big of a deal.

So you're left there wondering if maybe you got it wrong, just because of how certain they are.

But you didn't.

And a strategy I like to use to remind myself of this is simply asking:

"Would I be okay if they treated someone I love like this?"

If the answer is no for them, then it's no for me too.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we’re here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/11/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

This is just a skit, but it's an important conversation to have.

I get so many messages from people saying:

"I'm not sure if what happened to me was really abuse."

Abuse doesn't have to leave a mark to be real.

Choking, hair pulling, grabbing, pushing, hitting objects near you... all of it counts.

All of it is abuse.

And one thing I highly recommend you do is switch from "abuse" to "unacceptable."

When you call something abuse, you're measuring it against a definition society agreed on.

But guess what?

Society doesn't have a say about what's acceptable in your relationships.

You're the only one who gets to decide that.

So don't worry about whether it's abusive or not.

Focus on whether it's acceptable to you or not.

Because that's what matters most.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we’re here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/09/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

With narcissists, gifts aren't really gifts.

They're transactions.

What do I mean by this?

In a healthy dynamic: A gift = "I wanted to do something nice for you."

In a narcissistic dynamic: A gift = "I've now earned something from you."

So when they talk about:

- how much it cost
- how hard it was to get
- what they sacrificed

They're setting the price of what you now "owe."

That "payment" can be:

- praise ("you're amazing")
- compliance (agreeing with them, not arguing)
- emotional tolerance (putting up with bad behavior)
- forgiveness later ("after all I've done for you…")

Either way, they expect something in return.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we’re here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/08/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

The thing you have to keep in mind about narcissists is how low their self-worth actually is.

They do a very good job at hiding it.

But deep down, they feel unlovable, unwanted, inadequate, worthless, and weak.

And this is a problem, because they don't know how to work through these feelings in a healthy way.

So instead of dealing with them, they build an identity that protects themselves from them.

And a big part of that identity is the belief that they're perfect.

The idea here is "How could I be all those negative things if I'm perfect?"

So when you try to hold them accountable, you're not just asking them to take responsibility for something they've done.

You're asking them to acknowledge that their identity is built on a lie.

And that's why they take it as an attack.

If you have someone in your life like this and you need someone to talk to, you can always send me a DM or go to my bio to schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, it's what we do all day, every day, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/07/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

There are five things narcissists need to "survive":

Validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control.

They get the first three by being the "perfect" spouse, parent, friend, etc. in public.

And they get the last two by being abusive and manipulative behind closed doors.

I believe the reason they do this is because they know if people saw who they really were, they would never get the validation, admiration, and reassurance they need.

So they try as hard as they can to keep that a secret.

And that's why when they can't control you, they try to control how others see you.

They don't want you to expose them.

So they ruin your reputation before you get the chance.

That way, if you do speak up, no one believes you.

I've got good news and bad news for you.

The good news is that they didn’t ruin your reputation because of who you are.

They did it because of what you could expose.

The bad news is you can't control what others choose to believe.

And that can leave you feeling pretty isolated.

So if you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or go to my bio to schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, it's what we do all day, every day, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

04/06/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

When you watched this video, did you think I was giving him the silent treatment?

I understand why you'd think that.

But what you're seeing here is actually the Gray Rock Method.

I was simply being neutral, uninteresting, non-reactive, and brief.

Why?

You know how fire needs oxygen to survive?

Narcissists are the same way.

They need your emotional reactions to feel in control.

So one of the best things you can do is stop giving them that reaction.

Because when they can't get it from you, they'll get angry, just like you saw in this video.

But eventually, they'll go looking for that reaction somewhere else.

And that gives you time to escape the situation, or at the very least, room to breathe.

That's what I was doing in this video.

I titled it "POV: You Treat Them Exactly How They Treat You" because I get so many messages from people feeling guilty about giving a narcissist the silent treatment.

So I wanted to play into that and set the record straight.

The silent treatment is a punishment.

The Gray Rock Method is protection.

Yes, on the surface they can look the same.

But one is meant to hurt someone.

And the other is meant to protect yourself.

So if you ever start feeling guilty for acting "cold" towards the narcissist in your life, ask yourself "Am I trying to hurt them or am I trying to protect myself?"

If you're trying to protect yourself, there's NOTHING wrong with that.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we’re here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse

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