08/27/2025
In light of today’s unimaginable shooting of schoolchildren attending Mass in Minneapolis, our own Susan Dannen, LISW is sharing some advice for parents & caregivers on how to support kids who may have heard about the tragedy and are expressing questions or fears.
With over 30 years of experience helping children, and training others in childhood grief and loss, Susan reminds us:
Elementary age children aren’t developmentally ready to fully comprehend the concept of children their own age dying, especially in a “safe” place like church or school. This can challenge their reality and create a sense of overwhelm and fear.
If your child brings up the shooting, ask what they’ve heard and encourage them to ask questions. Let them guide the conversation.
Elementary age children often want details and can get fixated on the "why", especially when death doesn't make sense to them, such as people dying who are not "old" or "sick". Keep your answers factual, without providing details that may further scare or overwhelm them.
It's all right to not to have all the answers, "I don't know why someone would do that, it's hard even for me to understand", is a perfectly acceptable answer.
Sit with their emotions and don't try to rush into "fixing" the problem, "being with" your child's emotions and comforting them is your focus.
Reassure them they are safe and cared for. Highlight the “helpers” who protected and guided the other children to safety or helped them get medical care. Reminding them that there are helpful and safe adults who are able to protect and care for them in difficult times is reassuring to them.
Know that very young children, normally those under the age of 7, often still consider death "reversible", so they may not have as strong of a reaction as children ages 7-12, who understand the finality of death. So, if a younger child doesn't seem upset, it's probably because they don't see death as an "end" and they may not need as much support.
Limit exposure to media coverage, especially graphic details. Encourage older siblings and adult family members to be aware of how this may be affecting the child.
Some children may also have a delayed grief reaction or may get triggered later by "safety drills" at school. Be sensitive and attuned to when your child may need support.
Lastly, remember, not every child is going to have a strong reaction, and that's all right, meet your child where they are at, stay curious about how they experienced the news, and "be with" them if they need your support.
If your child is having an unusually strong reaction or if this is triggering your child in an intense manner, please reach out for professional support.
💙 For additional resources on how to talk with kids about loss and violence, see the links below.
To our friends in Minnesota, we see you, we are heartbroken for you, and we are sending you our love and support. 💔
