Diane Malkin, LCSW

09/22/2021

I'm speaking tonight on this panel, and there's still time to sign up!

This *Wednesday* is WCSPP's community forum, "Working With the New Normal:
Helping Families and Couples Manage Back to School and Work Transitions in the Time of COVID."

Join us on Wednesday, September 22nd for a series of live, interactive presentations with seasoned clinicians Judith Adamo, Ph.D, Kenneth Barish, Ph.D, Diane Malkin, LCSW, and Kate Washton, LCSW

Register for the event using the link: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/psychoanalysis-in-action-working-with-the-new-normal-tickets-167913384453. Tickets are $45. 2 CE Hours available for NY LCSWs, LMSWs, LPs, LMFTs, LMHCs, LCATs, PHDs, PSYDs.

05/15/2020

FEELING PANICKY WHILE WEARING A FACE MASK?

During this next phase of Covid-19 we are all going to be called upon to wear masks when in public. To some this is just a minor inconvenience, but for others it is leading to a different kind of anxiety - not about getting sick or getting someone else sick - but about the discomfort of having your nose and mouth covered, leading to the sensation of not being able to breathe. The normal response to the feeling that you are not getting enough air is to try to get more. You may find yourself taking deeper breaths and taking them more often. This phenomenon, called hyperventilating, actually lowers the carbon dioxide levels in your blood which can lead to symptoms such as tingling, tightening of the throat, and the feeling that you are not getting enough air. So you are actually doing yourself more harm than good. The more you gasp for breath, the more you feel that you need it. So how can we avoid this cycle? First, remind yourself that you ARE in fact getting enough air! The sensation that you are not is just an uncomfortable feeling.

If you are having a panic attack or anxiety and feel shortness of breath - I suggest that you breathe in and out through your nose. This slows you down and regulates the intake of air. You cannot suck air in your nose as you can with your mouth - and this is a good thing. With a mask - you can do the same. If you can tolerate the uncomfortable FEELING, the anxiety will decrease and you will start to recognize that you are getting good enough breaths.

So - practice! Put on your mask in your house. Start at 10 minutes. Then go to 15, 20, 30 minutes. Go about your regular activities and practice breathing slowly - in and out through your nose. If you start to panic, do square breathing. In for four seconds (through the nose), hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds (through the nose) and then do nothing for four seconds. Repeat. Do the dishes wearing your mask. Have your kids wear them while they play or watch a tv show. The more you wear them, the easier it will be to wear them successfully out in public - when it really counts.

04/24/2020

Check out my new website: www.dianemalkin.com

04/03/2020

People keep asking me what it is like working as a therapist right now.

As I do video sessions from my basement, I see glimpses into the homes of my patients. I hear a dog bark. A 20 something's mom peeks into her childhood room where she is living now to escape her apartment in New York City. We say hello! We've never spoken before this. Couples sit in their living room, crouched over a laptop. The conversations are familiar. The themes are the same. But now we discuss who is sick. Who is in the hospital. Who is worried about their aging parents who are not taking this as seriously as warranted. Whose husband has to be reminded to wash his hands every time he returns home from the grocery store. Seniors in high school are feeling deprived of their hard earned celebrations - yet they are mature enough to also recognize the gravity of the situation. Tears flow - but so does guilt. "People are dying, and I am sad because I will likely not have a prom???" Children are bored, but seem blissfully unaware of what is happening miles away from their rooms. They give me virtual tours of their bedrooms. I see into special drawers filled with fidget toys and secret stashes of candy. Parents are watching the news when their children are in bed - allowing themselves to truly feel their anxiety only when they are not being watched closely by curious eyes. Our work together continues. A couple completes the census for the first time since the death of a family member. Shouldn't there be a section to explain WHY there are now only 3 people in our house instead of 4?

My patients all ask - how are you? How is your family? Is anyone sick? Suddenly we are the same. They hear my dog bark. They hear the thumping of my children's feet running above me as I sit in my basement. They wonder why the wall behind me is painted light blue. I am worried. I try to be present. I try not to check the news in between sessions.

Sometimes we have a breakthrough that feels almost normal. We make a connection between a long held maladaptive belief that originated in childhood and a current behavior. We smile at each other through the small video screens of our laptops enjoying the moments when we can make some progress in our work. It almost feels normal. The screen freezes. We've lost our connection. We try to call each other back on FaceTime. Over and over. Finally, we connect again. My laptop starts to update a new program during a zoom call. They can still hear me, but they can't see me. The blips in technology trying to keep us apart. Like the virus. But we connect. Over and over again until the connection is clear. That is how it will be until life goes back to normal. I'll "see" you next week. Talk to you soon. Stay safe and healthy. A newly emerging way to end every session.

02/15/2018

How do we talk to our kids about school shootings when we are terrified ourselves? My 7th grader asked my husband about the tragedy in Florida before I got home from work. She wanted to know if it could happen here. He told her about the stricter gun laws in New York. He told her that the schools are doing everything they can to keep the students safe. He did a good job! But I knew that I needed to talk to her too. To ask her questions and try to answers some of hers. Unfortunately it is feeling more and more like it CAN happen here or anywhere. So how do we help our children manage their fears when we can’t promise them that everything will be ok? It would be easier to avoid the conversation. To assume that they will come to us if they continue to have fears. But what message am I sending if I don’t bring it up? That scary and difficult conversations should be avoided?

All children need a sense of safety to learn and navigate their complex, changing lives. We can tell our children that everything will be ok for only so long before they begin to question our assurances. They read about tragedies on social media. They see it on television. They hear adults talking about it. They hear their peers talking about it, and in these cases the facts are often twisted and exaggerated! We must not only be mindful of what they are being exposed to - but we must give them a space to talk about their feelings in an age appropriate way. To validate that they may feel fearful, and normalize this reaction. Something like, “It makes sense that you would feel scared. Something horrible happened. Tell me more about what you think?” We may want to rush to telling them not to worry. It is hard to hear our children express strong feelings, especially when we are having them ourselves. But it is an essential part of their (and our) processing.

To achieve a sense of agency and avoid feeling helpless, we can talk to our older children about the issues at hand. What ideas do they have that might help prevent more tragedies? Engaging in conversation rather than avoidance is crucial in helping both our children, and ourselves, in the wake of these tragedies.

02/15/2018

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/01/07/opinion/sunday/yes-its-your-parents-fault.html?mc=aud_dev&mcid=keywee&mccr=dommob&kwp_0=619714&kwp_4=2447788&kwp_1=1034532&referer=http://m.facebook.com

“Attachment theory“ finds new resonance in the age of smartphones.

12/31/2017

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/29/opinion/sunday/the-only-way-to-keep-your-resolutions.html

Willpower isn’t enough. Something to think about when it comes to keeping your resolutions. All year long!

Willpower is for chumps. Here’s what actually works.

11/07/2017

https://www.facebook.com/zanthe.taylor/posts/10155774086828490

Your food fears are doing more harm than good.

10/27/2017

Parents, therapists and schools are struggling to figure out whether helping anxious teenagers means protecting them or pushing them to face their fears.

10/27/2017

I have experience working with adolescents and adults who suffer from depression, anxiety, relationship problems, issues of self esteem, and loss. In my work I am active and non-judgemental, and I believe in a true collaboration between therapist and patient to identify maladaptive patterns and to create meaningful change. I use an eclectic approach of psychodynamic and relational psychotherapy as well as aspects of cognitive behavioral therapy to help guide my patients toward a healthier life.

10/26/2017

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychoanalysis-unplugged/201710/people-don-t-still-lie-couch-do-they

Why "the couch" may be just what need.

10/12/2017

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201708/what-psychoanalysis-can-do-you

Helping you find a way forward that works.

09/03/2013

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-alive.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

An undercurrent of injury and disaster runs through ordinary life.