03/02/2025
The point of this post is not to be prescriptive, but rather to know your relationship’s shared values and embrace those. It is also to think about your kids and what speaks love to them and model that for them.
I asked our kids this morning, “What do you like seeing dad and me do together?” And their answers were hilarious and so perfectly them.
Our oldest said “I love hearing you validate one another” of course I was so thrilled to hear this! and then after a pause said “just kidding, I really still do not understand validation, I just know its a word you like a lot.” He then said “I really do like seeing you two make-up because you know it makes me anxious when you disagree”.
Our middle said “I like when you and dad hug”. Which makes sense because our middle is absolutely a person where physical affection is central to who he is; so for him to see us hug would help him to feel safe. And if we are really honest, he sees our hug and takes it as a personal invitation to insert himself right in the middle of it, every single time.
Our youngest said, “I like to see you two play pickleball” and then he added to crack himself and all of us up “and then mom tears her ACL.” This makes sense to us too, our youngest is a person who needs to be active and he loves to play and be played with and also loves to crack a joke and get a laugh.
What would model safety and security to your kids? What demonstrates safety and security to you? Your partner? Are you being intentional to build these into your lives?
Follow along with us, we are Stephen (a PhD in medical family therapy, speaker, writer, & licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) and Erin (MA in Counseling Psychology, speaker, writer, and actually really good at pickleball even with injuries). We are married, have 3 kids and work with individuals and couples. This can be a lonely time for parents, we are here to help couples find connection even in the midst of their season of parenting.
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