Ray of Hope Counseling Services, LLC

11/18/2024

10/30/2024

The DSM-5 chapter on anxiety disorders delineates eleven specific types: separation anxiety disorder, selective mutism, specific phobia, social anxiety disorder (social phobia), panic disorder, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, substance/medication-induced anxiety disorder, anxiety disorder due to another medical condition, other specified anxiety disorder, and unspecified anxiety disorder.

Anxiety disorders are characterized by distressing, persistent anxiety and are often paired with unhelpful behaviors that individuals may use to try to reduce anxiety, such as avoidance or other safety behaviors.

For many people, anxiety can become a mental health concern if they find that they are regularly experiencing anxious feelings and their fears or worries are out of proportion to the situation.

If an individual finds that their anxiety is having a significant impact on their ability to live life as fully as they want, they may have a diagnosable anxiety disorder.

Approximately 1 out of 5 people are likely to experience a diagnosable anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. Some people may struggle with an anxiety disorder for months or years if left untreated; they could have more than one diagnosable anxiety disorder or find that their anxiety fluctuates or returns after treatment.

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10/08/2024

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Many people ask the question why doesn't she just leave. It isn't as simple as that.

It takes a great deal of courage to leave someone who controls and intimidates you. Try not to put pressure on your loved one to leave right away. Leaving is not a single act – it is a process that takes time. Let her know that you are there for her, no matter what she decides to do.

There are many practical and psychological barriers to ending a relationship with an abusive partner, including:

Safety: She may be fearful of what the abuser will do to her and the children if they leave or attempt to leave

Lack of self-confidence: She may believe that it is her fault and that she deserves the abuse, and may fear she would never find anyone else if she left

Denial: She convinces herself that “it’s not that bad”

Shame: She is embarrassed about people finding out

Guilt: The abuser makes her believe that she is to blame for his actions

Financial dependence:The woman may not be able to support herself and her children independently. See our page about economic abuse.

Loyalty: She may be loyal to the abuser regardless of his actions

Hope: She believes that things will improve with time, or that she can make him change

Lack of support: She doesn’t know where to turn for help

Pressure: Family and friends pressure her to stay and ‘make it work’

Religious/community beliefs: She is under pressure not to break up the family

Love: Despite the abuse, she still loves him

Jekyll and Hyde: The abuser switches between charm and rage; the woman thinks ‘He’s not always like this’

Intimidation: The abuser threatens to take the children or pets away

Gender roles: She might normalise his behaviour because he’s a man – ‘that’s how men are’. She may believe it’s the woman’s role to put the needs of others first

Immigration: If she has insecure immigration status, she may fear being deported

Please keep this in mind if you know someone going through this. Let them know you will be there for them. It isn't an easy decision or an overnight decision due to the brain washing that has been done to them for days, weeks, months, and often years. 💜💜💜💜

09/27/2024

WHAT ARE FLYING MONKEYS AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM.......
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The term "FLYING MONKEYS" comes from the classic film The Wizard of Oz. The wicked witch of the West enlisted these creatures to do her bidding. They followed her instructions regardless of their evil intent.

Interestingly, when she died, the MONKEYS celebrated. It seemed they weren’t inherently evil themselves, but followed her out of fear and conditioning.

In psychology, the term has come to describe people who do a NARCISSIST'S bidding.
If you’ve ever set boundaries with a NARCISSIST, it will be a FLYING MONKEY who approaches you to smooth things over.

By smooth over, I mean gaslight, trick, guilt trip, and manipulate. I’ve been on the receiving end of FLYING MONKEYS in both in-law and family of origin relationships.

Dysfunctional families tend to cater to the most TOXIC PERSON in the bunch. Much like the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz. The other family members do everything in their power to keep the TOXIC PERSON happy.

All the while the NARCISSIST/TOXIC PERSON is sitting back and watching someone else do their dirty work. They enjoy the feeling of being above the person they are persecuting. And gaslighting them into believing they are the toxic one.

FLYING MONKEYS lack empathy, integrity, have weak wills, and only want to keep things the way they are. They may seek to avoid the wrath of the NARCISSIST/TOXIC PERSON. Or they want to appear as a fixer and enjoy the attention.

Whatever the reason, beware ! You thought dealing with the NARCISSIST was bad enough. Now you’ve got to fend off her FLUNKIES off, too.

Dealing with flying monkeys can be challenging, but there are strategies you can use to protect yourself and maintain your boundaries:

1. Recognize the flying monkeys for what they are: Understand that they are not acting in your best interest, but rather in the interest of the narcissist or toxic person. Don't fall for their manipulative tactics.

2. Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and stick to them. Don't engage with the flying monkeys or allow them to manipulate you into feeling guilty or responsible for the toxic person's behavior.

3. Seek support: Surround yourself with people who understand and validate your experiences. Seek therapy or counseling to help you process and cope with the situation.

4. Practice self-care: Take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Practice self-love and self-compassion, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

5. Limit contact: If possible, limit or cut off contact with the flying monkeys and the toxic person. Protect your peace and well-being by keeping a healthy distance from toxic individuals.

Remember, you are not alone in dealing with flying monkeys. Stay strong, trust your instincts, and prioritize your own well-being above all else.

I HOPE YOU FIND THIS INFORMATION HELPFUL....

-Author unkown

09/02/2024

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The WORK of a Psychotherapist
By Sarah Belle

“What people do not understand about our work is the way we are present in each and every session. Mentally, emotionally, and yes even physically. They do not even begin to understand how much mental work it is.

If someone questions why seeing 5 or 6 clients in one day is hard, stressful, and exhausting – usually with the argument that most people work LOTS more hours in a day so what are you complaining about – have them do this exercise.

Ask the person to sit opposite you. Ask them to listen to you talk about something very painful for the next hour without getting up to move, p*e, get a drink, or distract to focus on something else. They are not allowed to lose focus or check out for the entire hour.

Let them know they need to listen intently to everything you are saying because they are about to have to do the following:

They will need to reflect, empathize, and synthesize. For the entire hour.

They will need to listen without solving and to be present with your pain without flinching.

They need to understand that you may share a deeply traumatic experience with them that you have NEVER told anyone else about before. In your entire life. They must hold awareness of the gravity of that.

And that's not even the work yet. Because along with all the above they also need to work the mental puzzle for the entire hour.

Ask them to think the entire time about not only what emotions are showing up for you, but to try to make sense of everything flying around, track all the themes, and pull together the narrative threads you are throwing out in seemingly unrelated topics and stories. It’s their job to see the patterns and threads, to pull them together, and help you make sense of them.

They must listen, they must remember all the dynamics at play in your life including relationships, your history, other major events that have happened to you and how all of those are intersecting and impacting/informing your current pain. They must attend to your physical regulation state and decide how to move with that. They must decide what therapeutic direction to go and must be able to shift that at any given moment. They need to decide what puzzle pieces fit where and how best to get you to process those.

They also need to track new information coming in from you and decide how that fits with all of the above.

They also need to notice what is going on in their own body and their own emotional reactions and manage those while simultaneously doing all of the above. They need to manage the stiffness and body aches from sitting for hours at a time as well as any tension their body is feeling from being present with someone’s pain for an entire hour.

At the end of the hour - heck make it 50 mins to go easy on them - they now need to write a progress note (demonstrating medical necessity), go p*e, slam down a snack, and manage three incoming texts from clients wanting to change appointment times.

They then need to turn around and do it all again with the next client who will present an entirely new puzzle.

Then again and again and again and again and again and again. All day long. Every day this week.

Outside of session time they will need to attend to emails, phone calls, paperwork, and all the logistics of running their own business.

If there is a crisis, they will also need to carve out time, mental space, and energy to deal with that. They will need to find time to debrief to make sure they did everything correctly and to manage the emotional and physical fallout from dealing with the crisis. Most of the time they will be questioning every move they made, so there’s also that.

Mostly ask them to notice how exhausting it is to sit and listen in a deep and meaningful way.

Our work is not like other work.”

-Sarah Belle

08/24/2024

We ask them too fast.

We live in a culture that marks them with maturity far sooner than they are ready for.

It’s tablets before words.

It’s travel ball before fundamentals learned.

It’s TikTok before reading time on a clock.

We expect them to handle emotions when they don’t even know how to identify them. We expect them to fully cooperate when we change plans on a whim.

We take away recess time to teach more and more and more. Then ask them to perform and make the score.

We overwhelm them.

It’s constant entertainment. No time to be bored. Here’s one more thing to occupy you, so we can scroll our phones a little more.

It’s short lived magic with eyes that only gleam for a short little while at the Santa Claus scene.

It’s nails and makeup adorned by little girls younger every year.

And don’t forget… there’s no time for tears.

We rush them and shuffle them and ask them for more… than any child is really ready for.

We don’t slow down, we never stop. It’s just hop on the train and then wonder years later how to slow down the clock.

Can we give them a second? A moment to breathe? Let’s go outside and climb up a tree.

Forget the phones. Forget the score. Forget the always wanting more and more.

I want simple for mine. Time to explore. Time to realize what life’s really for.

Just be a child. Make the mess. Let’s enjoy life with a little bit less.

Grow up slower, my little one. There’ll be time for more when your childhood is done.

Adulthood comes quickly, and you’ll live longer there than in your childhood that will be gone like a flare.

We ask them too fast. I want to ask less. Let’s slow down and give them the time to express.

It’s our job as parents, because the world asks too soon for our kids to grow up and lose the childhood at bloom. Let’s help our babies grow up slower and always remind them there will be time for growing up when they’re older.