11/20/2025
Thoughts on perspective.
I was driving in town the other day, passing a breakfast restaurant that sits about 20 feet off the road. There was a child about four years old playing by themselves on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, just at the corner of the building. I was thinking, “Does anyone know he is there? That’s too close to the road. Where are his parents?!” As a grandmother of littles that are speedier than a spooked horse and about as unpredictable, I kept an eye on him with growing concern. As traffic moved forward, the restaurant's corner came into view. There was outdoor seating, and about a foot from the happily stone tossing child was a laughing family enjoying time outside, and an attentive parent seated towards the little one playing. Perspective matters.
The idea of perspective has been rattling around in my brain lately. How even something very familiar to us can look different when approached from a different angle or in different lighting. How we make assumptions and form beliefs from what we see or hear. Are we open to corrective information? I could stay as Judgy Judy regarding the parents alleged inattentiveness, build that argument for how dangerous it was, and decide not to acknowledge the parents' obvious attentiveness, and that my assumptions were wrong. Or I could integrate the new information and let it go with no residual angst. I changed my view by a few feet, and the picture changed; the danger cues and subsequent safety cues changed.
In today's society of social media, and even professional social sites, others give you the angle from which to see them. Look at the Instagram vs reality photos where it looks like someone is living their best life….but then the fitness influencer dies from drugs, the home decorator's minimalist pic shows the rest of the room accidently, and there are signs they struggle with hoarding. More information is added when we zoom out.
Interestingly, we do this to ourselves, too. We choose the perspective we see ourselves, our actions, and the actions of others towards us. We make assumptions and form beliefs about these actions based on our history or even our mood. But have we looked around the corner? Or are we looking at it from a narrow scope? Being curious, ask yourself what else may be going on? What don’t I see? And will expanding the view foster more empathetic feelings toward others and the self?
We can unconsciously choose our perspective and the rigidity of our beliefs, and we can feel stuck. For example, a professional is in decision paralysis regarding certain aspects of their business because of worry about others' potential negative assumptions. But nothing changes if nothing changes. Flipping the script and looking at it from another perspective- would they be upset or judgmental that company B restructured for sustainability? Not at all. They would respect them for it. Looking at this idea within a relationship- If I believe I must be perfect to be loved (which I am the epitome of imperfect!), is the same true if I flip the script? Do they need to be perfect for me to love them? Absolutely not. If the argument doesn’t hold weight flipped, then it shouldn’t be true in the original form. What about after a project fails, or a slip in recovery? And the thought that “I am a failure.” comes up. Flip the script, add perspective- Would you think your friend, Joe, is a complete failure because of this? Or would you think, that’s a bummer, but good for him that he keeps trying. When we give up is when we fail.
So why is a trauma counselor posting this? Adding tools to your toolbox. Flip the script. Add perspective, take a panorama, zoom out. Be curious, what don’t you see?
